Kissing on First Date, etc.

[Anonymous]

Now... I figured I'd open this up for discussion because lately I've been getting some flack from my roommate over just kissing guys on the first date. She claims it can be perceived as 'whorish' and that it can make you 'look like a slut.' However -- when I countered this argument with the idea that if 'I was a straight guy, it wouldn't be seen as whorish,' she turned around to tell me about her significant other and her having sex before they were even dating, which... defeats the point? Makes you whorish?

I'm kinda one of those people who don't much care what others think of me (I hold myself to my own standards.) And I'll be the first to admit that I've had random sex with guys I don't know (which can also be perceived as 'whorish,' but I don't really let it bother me much. I'm also a bit of the opinion that kissing isn't really that bad if you appreciate their company, etc.

I dunno. What do you all think?

[pellaz]

If its a kiss on the cheek, then its OK. If its a kiss on the lips, then keep in mind that you're giving him the ok to move forward into a relationship

[dlboy53]

I figure a kiss is harmless, maybe giving the impression that you had a good time and I would like to see you again kind of clue

[avidcyclistMTB]

I think you've solved this issue by stating that you pretty much don't care what others think of you. Kiss away, my friend, and be carefree!

But to actually answer your question, if the first date leads to kissing, don't you think there's a connection on at least some level. If you're whorish for it then so is the other guy. I had a crazy make out session on a first date with a guy once and that's as far as the relationship ever went. We both agreed it was fun, both went home and got ourselves off, and both agreed we probably weren't for each other but still say hello when we see each other to this day. I'm about as far from "whorish" as it gets. lol.

[mrk2010]

I can comfortably say that I have been in this position and I have had a friend say exactly the same thing to me. I am going to say that especially this past year I have been at odds with myself and at times maybe even hated myself because of perceived behaviour. In February I went through a "I hate men" phase after a break up a quite a bad one and it made me think all men are whores they are only out for what they can get and they are only there to hurt you as can be seen by this thread.

http://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?t=19065

I'll be the first to admit I was such a dick head in this thread and I kind of questioned people's behaviour but most of all I was questioning my own and if I indeed was being a whore. Now that I'm a lot more confident in myself I just think "nah using things like gaydar or grindr isn't seedy, because I've done it myself" and I'm in a good headspace where I don't care what others think of me. You seem to also think the same so kiss away :-)

However for me kissing is quite an intimate thing and it's something I don't really like to do unless it's with a guy who I think is something special, has potential to be boyfriend material or an actual partner. For me it's an emotional link I don't know why though lol. However in the past when I have had anonymous sex the guys I have been with have totally respected this and we have had sex without kissing which some might find weird but hey that's me and I'm proud :-) don't worry about it you seem in the right mind set and keep on going how you are. Hope this helps and remember that everyone's standards and needs are different. X

[Supernaut]

Kissing on the first date is fine imo. I usually do....though i also make it clear that it is a green light for nothing aside from the kiss itself.

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[East]

Depends on the date..depends on the guy...depends on the chemistry...depends on the individuals involved...

...so I have no definitive answer nor do I think there IS a correct answer...there are only opinions....and that is my opinionmile:

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Personally, I don't do kissing, hand holding, hugging on a first date.

Maybe a peck on the cheek to say goodnight...

But what do I know? I have only been with 8 men (sexually) - in 46 years of life. Only 2 were casual one night stands (my so called slut stage). And I'm only in a 14 year relationship.

Yes there were many 1st and second dates with lots of fellows. So many I can't recall them all. Attempts at finding relationship material.

I don't do promiscuity, I really don't like casual sex - I always tend to keep my eye on the long term commitment goal, not on tonight's festivities.

That is me. I have known all along in the dating scene what it is I want, what my goals are.

For the record, you roommate is wrong. Its not whorish, its sluttish - unless you ARE making money from sex....:tongue:

[judith4live]

please go with him

[judith4live]

yes ooooooo