Moving in With Boyfriend..haven't told the parents yet

[spencer]

Soo I live with my parents right now, my boyfriend will be moving in town in October and the plan is we will get an apartment together. I haven't told my parents yet and I'm not exactly sure when or how. I've moved out briefly a few times over the last few years and it's NEVER been easy telling them. My dad pretty much wants me to live at home forever and is all not ready for me to grow up, my mom doesn't care much I think she just gets annoyed I always end up back home, not that she doesn't like me living here it's just the back and forth thing gets old.

Well it's a bit different this time because instead of being with roommates I'll be with my boyfriend so I think there'll be less clash issue. Living with one person can't be nearly as hard as living with 3+. But we've only been together since May 5th so right now we're not even two months together but by October we'll be 5 months together which is better yes but I'm sure most people would consider that too soon.

I was wanting to tell my parents about this closer to actual time to move out but I'd like to not wait too long because I think it'll be easier if they (mainly my dad) have time to get used to the idea. I know the first thing I'm gonna hear is we're too soon in the relationship to move in together and I'm absolutely dreading that. I get that I'm young and everything but we've hit it off really well, there's a spark and a big connection that definately says something to me that this is something serious and we both tried to take it slow but in the end we decided why ignore our feelings just becaue it's "too soon" to be this committed. If i were more possible to wait longer before moving in with him I would probably wait a bit longer but he can't move down here unless he has a roommate and that roommate pretty much has to be me. His apartment is an hour away and his roommate will probably not relocate especially since she has a boyfriend, two kids and a baby on the way so she really wasn't planning on staying his roommate anyway.

I was thinking about not completely moving in with him. Just packing clothes and necessities and treating it like a trial run to see if we're actually capable of living together, and he's such a relaxed person I doubt we'll have any issues...he likes to clean and that's my main thing. I guess I'm mostly trying to make it easier on my parents. I still kinda feel like I need their permission even though their disapproval wouldn't change my mind, it's just stressing me out that this is something I'm really excited about and I can't really share that because I know they won't be happy and I can't ever get too happy about moving out because they (okay my dad) are so unhappy about it it just kinda rains on my parade.

And I have thought about the money issue of moving out and I really don't think it's going to be much different than what I'm paying now. I pay 1/3 of the bill and groceries and it goes to about 400$ a month and estimating on bills and rent of an apartment it's not going to be much different. Rent per person will be like 175$ to maybe 225$ add on a little bit for bills which aren't much in apartments especially considering I'm ultra picky on conserving electricity and keeping bills down I doubt I'll be paying more than now. I actually expect it'll be a bit cheaper. Either way I DO make enough money to go a little over my 400$-500$ max I just perfer not to.

I'm also surprised they haven't assumed I'd move in with him because I haven't kept my almost(definately) unhealthy obsession with him secret...and I am getting better about being too clingy. I've occupied myself with making him things...but anyway. So what do you guys thing, should I tell them now and get it over it and let them have time to get used to it or wait a while or just whatever you think. They've met my boyfriend and like him and all and I've been trying to drop little hints so maybe they won't be surprised. I'm also hoping I'll just accidentally slip and tell them. Anyway, your thoughts?

[Sceak]

I think you think too much.

[spencer]

I think you think too much.

I was thinking that the entire time I was typing all that out. Lol. I'm kinda glad someone else said it.

[BeautifulBlue]

I think if you feel a great connection to him, why not? It may be two months now, but like you said, by the time you move in together it'll be five months. I think people usually move in with one another around that time anyway (though I can't say for sure, you know.)

As to your parents... maybe you could wait another month. I think the three-month mark might be a good deciding point so they won't go, 'Oh, you just barely know him,' that sort of thing.

[ceez]

I think if you feel a great connection to him, why not? It may be two months now, but like you said, by the time you move in together it'll be five months. I think people usually move in with one another around that time anyway (though I can't say for sure, you know.)

As to your parents... maybe you could wait another month. I think the three-month mark might be a good deciding point so they won't go, 'Oh, you just barely know him,' that sort of thing.

yes, I was going to say that.mile:

[spencer]

I think if you feel a great connection to him, why not? It may be two months now, but like you said, by the time you move in together it'll be five months. I think people usually move in with one another around that time anyway (though I can't say for sure, you know.)

As to your parents... maybe you could wait another month. I think the three-month mark might be a good deciding point so they won't go, 'Oh, you just barely know him,' that sort of thing.

I like that idea quite a lot. I think I'm gonna go with that. Now, that gives me a little over a month to decide my word useage when telling them. I try to gently break my parents' hearts.

[BrianNguyen]

why don't u say with your parents is you're 26 years old and not 16. Job,woking,you can live by your own right ? so...just do what you like to do. you're a free bird now you know ?:tongue:. Enjoy your life !.

[Nick9]

Spencer, I am sure your dad wants to see you happy. And I am also sure that he knows that you won't be living with them to your forties and feel happy...
Maybe it will be easier than you think. Talk to them about how happy you are, how wonderful your bf is, how good he is to you. Let them slowly get used to the idea.

Good luck. In fact I think that you are a very lucky person

[BrianNguyen]

Spencer, I am sure your dad wants to see you happy. And I am also sure that he knows that you won't be living with them to your forties and feel happy...
Maybe it will be easier than you think. Talk to them about how happy you are, how wonderful your bf is, how good he is to you. Let them slowly get used to the idea.

Good luck. In fact I think that you are a very lucky person

I think it like you Nick,his parents know about he's gay. Lucky than us _ _":confused:

[pellaz]

... I'm also surprised they haven't assumed I'd move in with him because I haven't kept my almost ( definitely ) unhealthy obsession with him secret ...

Difficult to read into this other than the obvious; you moving in with your bf. Its not unhealthy tho, please; both of you be excited.

Sounds like your out to your parents and they like your boy friend. Congratulations. If I got this right? So just move in. Have your parents help move? Have them over for dinner? Tell them you want a partner like they have had.

HAVE AN EXIT PLAN.

-for health insurance purposes; get some utility bills, the rental agreement in both your names. So you can prove the domestic partnership thing. It will be there when you need it. Usually 2-3 of them.
-Also good for the domestic partnership thing; get a joint credit card so you can buy shared things like food and he can pay half, get a hard copy or be organized enough to sit down at the kitchen table and go through it on line by line basis. Relationships have arguments on money so have some rules between you two on expenses; who pays what and everyone has to ask permission to buy things and what are some limits on spending. Write the rules down if needed.
-speaking of rules; if you two have an argument, and one boy goes off to sleep on the couch the other can ask the first to come back to bed and the first must do it. For example if he argues with you give him a couple of hours to cool down and walk over and say "your sorry", ask him back into the bed. He cant refuse but if he does crawl onto the couch with him. never ever sleep alone more than a couple of hours.
-another rule if you like; you have to ask permission to sleep over at your mother's house.
-relationships are a lot of work. It takes two to argue. Suck it up. Consider how you respond to your own personal failures, you dont argue with your self but feel disappointed and try harder next time. Same thing with your partner.
-if you can trust him with your life, have a rule that if either of you sleep with another boy you can't keep it a secret between you. On the other side the other partner cant go off the deep end but you two need to work it out logically. Never do a three some.
-share your wardrobe with him. Wear the same underwear but if both of you get a dog or buy a car have an agreement.

in my previous relationship I was offended that my wife (yes it was a straight marriage) was always texting me. In this relationship he texts me < every 12minuites, I take it serious and enabled the iPhone emu keyboard. You can tell if things hit the rocks as he stops texting.
He enabled tracking in my iPhone so he always knows where i am. So if I am stuck in traffic he knows about where I am.