Needing some clarification

[pellaz]

i think your pastor is thinking discussion of your sexuality is out of his comfort zone, maybe he lacks the knowledge, feels he is betraying his faith or whatever. Potentially he is hoping you had a close circle of supportive family or friends, which you dont. I am impressed with the pastor from what you post here.

"mom was a bit "out of touch" with reality, and still is truth be told)" i am thinking your mother is not a good resource either.

this puts you outside to search for that understanding supportive friend(s). You can accept the challenge and do it your self and or find a second family your self.

sexuality is not bad, and really cant be defined as gay bi or straight. you are sooo blessed to be living in a better more informed time, use it to your advantage.

[Matty71]

I would have to know the context, the subject he was talking about and what exactly the type of advise is you are seeking.

I assume this ties in with your struggle with the whole 'Am I gay?' Question and the problems with your marriage and what not that you posted a couple weeks ago.

If so, then I would have to know your pastor's stance on the LGBT thing. Is he affirming/tolerant? Or does he feel it is his job to remind you that God doesn't Do Gay?

If the later (God doesn't do Gay). Then I fear he is insinuating that your 'bad' childhood experience bent you. If the former, he is affirming/tolerant, he may be attempting to point out that had you been in a supportive/loving household then your path in life would have been far different, instead of 'forcing' yourself into a marriage with a woman you would have sought comfort in the arms of a man.

Children of abusive/neglectful homes grow up unarmed, and without the right tools to deal with day to day crap-tivities. Crap-tivities= Crap-filled Activities - those things that cause most of us emotional upheavals.

A person raised in a supportive, loving environment is going to tend to have a positive approach and positive expectations for the outcome. A person raised in an abusive and/or neglectful environment is going to tend to have a negative approach and expectations.

EXAMPLE: I was raised in a terrible environment, abuse and neglect were the primary things I received. As such I have a skewed sense of what is and is not going to happen when X takes place. I also lack the 'trust' and ability to rely on others to help me deal with crap-tivities. Thus everything that takes place in my life tends to have a different impact on me and I have a tendency to see a much darker future and 'stew' on minor things by myself, feeling utterly alone even though I have a partner and his mother and several other supportive people in my life who are there for me.

Our childhoods teach us many things. People of loving/supportive environments come away with useful tools (emotional tools) that they can apply to both problems and life's little joys. People without that love/support tend to never fully learn those tools, thus things become issues.

It is not a person 'making up' problems. It is a person being stunted and crippled. It is no different than a person who has had a leg chopped off or their eyes plucked out, instead of being a physical crippling it is an emotional crippling.

A great and thoughtful post. Thank you (It explains a lot). mile:

[archubbycub]

I'm definetly fed up with all of this!! Couple all this BS with the crappy job I have and it's a thousand wonders I haven't completely lost my mind!!

[princealbertofb]

Arch, you need all the support you can get.

[archubbycub]

Thanks Al. I'd say something to my doctor but all he wants to do is prescribe a pill and quite frankly I'm tired of being numbed by anti-depressants. I'm on two right now!

[princealbertofb]

Well, Arch, you know my stance.... I've told you before. It seems you are now much too aware of what's going on to stick to your routine. You're going to have to take a very brave decision... and please find some friend support before you do anything rash... You'll need to have a roof over your head, and a place to sleep.

[archubbycub]

I know Al. I need to get out. I was just thinking tha I could seriously use about two weeks where absolutely no one knows who I am and no one involved in all of this knows where I am. Just get away and clear my head. I'm gonna try to find a way out of this. And I promise I won't do anything rash without having somewhere to go.

[Maverick]

I'm actually surprised you are even able to perform with her barking all those comments/questions during the act... so I give you a lot of credit! I remember my ex... stop / go / wait / don't cum yet / blah, blah, blah. Made it very difficult to enjoy anything in the bedroom and killed the mood for me. Of course she was always very controlling in "everything" so it's no surprise. Anyway, like it's been said, you need to take a deep breath and decide what you're going to do going forward.

[archubbycub]

Maverick-- it ain't easy but with 13 years of practice!