To Dider,
I'm glad you're coming to terms with this experience. You've grown in many respects. You've admitted making a mistake and your parents have supported you. We, I hope, have brought you some respect and understanding, and now you've seen that you've been able to overcome your initial fear of this annoying and frightening man. If anything, it's made you a more understanding, stronger and better person. That's what the trials of life bring us. They come at a cost, it is true. Now, you should be ready to get on with your life. I guess it has also taught you a lesson about getting drunk or being under any kind of influence. Bad things can happen to you when you're not in full possession of your brain (and judgement). I'm not trying to be patronising, just making a statement. May you fare well in life from now on, and be free from further harrassment, and thanks for giving us enough trust and understanding as not to paint us all with the same brush. This man is, if anything, a poor, lost and lonely soul who thinks he can buy the company he really craves with money. We might, in truth, be sorry for him. (see a bit further for more on this)
To the other posters,
I think this thread has reminded us that we've got to be careful of what we say and how we say it. Given that we often don't have all the data to process anything, our comments can look shallow, uninformed, unfair, unnecessarily unkind or plain hurtful even when they were not meant to be.
However, all experiences are interesting and can shed some light on what others have said.
I thank East for his point of view about self loathing after such an event. It is so easy to hate oneself for letting such a thing as rape happen, maybe even more so when one hasn't lost one's better judgement to alcohol.
As for Mihai, his thought were that sometimes, these things occur because they were maybe meant to happen, despite our initial fears that they will happen. His point of view was just as valid. While I'm not going to question Dider's report on the events, I'll grant his attacker that we haven't heard his point of view, which a judge would surely take into account, before giving out his conclusions. What did transpire from the original poster's request for help was that he was extremely confused and that his confusion led to this event. Maybe his attacker did deliberately take advantage of the situation, or maybe he was just completely misguided or misled. He obviously thought Dider was up for it; goodness knows why. I don't think Dider was in a state to argue about what eventually happened. That's why we've all concluded to a form of rape, or at least abuse.
But again, it does mean we need to read what has been said carefully first, while remembering that we've only got one side of the story. It doesn't mean we can't bring help or comfort and support to those asking for it.
Just one reminder or comment to conclude this message:
This obviously older man might well be deranged, and is certainly deluded, but unfortunately that's what comes from having been raised in our generation's time (I'm going to say that, because I must be of his generation) and from how people have mentally processed the fact of being gay (especially in a small town in Ireland, where all sorts of taboos are still widespread). This older man was not lucky enough to be able to embrace his homosexuality in a way that would appear normal to us today, ie finding a proper partner, being respected for living his life peacefully, etc. If his only solution to find company is to pay for it, and / or trick young men into having sex with him, then he's a pretty sad (and probably lonely) individual. So, while what he's done is wrongful, it can be explained. His attitude is (has been) one of predation because it's apparently one of the only ways he's been able to have any sex life. Now the way is learnt (renting boys?), it's difficult to escape the routine. Has small Irish town society changed sufficiently for it to be ok for him to go pursuing a regular partner, in a normal fashion? Maybe not. Before we throw stones, let's just remember that.
I think the battle for acceptance and equality is not won and needs to go further so that kind of predator doesn't have to become one as a consequence of having to hide his sexuality and for lack of a better choice.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
, that's certainly uplifted me in many ways.
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