Also, question -- how would you guys recommend I store my money? I had a savings account, but I wasn't able to keep $20 in it consistently because I always had to fall back on it. I'm thinking about getting a bottle or something (or a very large piggybank) and just shoving all my money in there. At least then the money wouldn't 'tempt' me.
I've also considered getting an online savings account outside my regular bank, but I'm not sure what would be a good option.
Thoughts?
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You mentioned you came from a pair of abusive parents...so did I so I understand the general dynamics....
...and it wasn't too long before I found myself in a relationship with a man who unbeknownst to me when I met him was a perfect combination of my parents..YIKES...
...and I think...to some degree at least.... you have found a combination of yours as well....I could be wrong but it is the first impression that I got and I know the pattern so chances are at least part of it is right....
It will get worse. She sounds as though she is the manipulator as she is definitely giving you a message when she is bringing up the finances all day....you might not see that now but I fear you will soon enough....
May I ask....is your bipolar disorder especially bad? I know so many people who are bipolar and quite successful. I read a study int he past year that found that people with bipolar disorders actually sometimes excelled at being self employed or owning small businesses.
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East Wrote:May I ask....is your bipolar disorder especially bad? I know so many people who are bipolar and quite successful. I read a study int he past year that found that people with bipolar disorders actually sometimes excelled at being self employed or owning small businesses.
I can't be around large groups of people. I have trouble being in groups of people I know. I can't take drama well (at all.) I can't be in stressful situations because I go fight/flight. I'm prone to anxiety and panic attacks in crowds, situations I can't control, etc. I'm currently on Lithium and Prozac to treat my disorder.
I'm fine with my writing/I'm doing individual projects (I used to format books for publishers, but that workload has slowed down.) I just have a hard time working with other people.
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BeautifulBlue Wrote:I don't have sex with either of my roommates, just as an FYI. A lot of people think that's one of the 'perks' of me living with them.
Honestly, I'd be all gung-ho about moving back in with my parents, but the whole reason I moved out in the first place is because my dad's a crazy psychotic alcoholic and my mom isn't much better (she's not psychotic, but she's overly emotional and very manipulative.) I was abused by both of my parents in varying degrees, so that's a no-no.
I should also add that he doesn't 'gamble.' When I said 'tabletop game,' I meant like... wargaming. Kinda like chess but with figurines that shoot each other, that sort of thing.
Oh so your being a (second) wife without the benefit of pleasure.
My bad, I though you were being his ho, you are only being his bitch.... 
I put it in street (vulgar) terms in order to drive home to you the situation. You are the maid, the chauffeur, the one who walks the dogs, picks up the do-do and also their 'therapist' when they want to complain. You are paying to live there - not in money, but with other things.
Now he wants you to hand over your whole check. That is what pimps demand of their hos. Woman go out on the corner, make money and give it me, your pimp will then take care of you - kinda.
Gamble - real or imagined, he is able to throw himself in to this interest. Trust me when I am depressed (each winter) I have no interest in anything.
Move back with the parents or someplace.
As mum pointed out, there are situations where you can be a live in maid/caretaker etc.
Do you know how much rent I pay to stay where I live? $150.00 a month. Sure its a small house (450 square feet!), but its on 2 acres. This covers my water, my sewage, my trash and part of my electricity. I care for the property - water, mow, trim shrubbery, blow the driveway.
He pays most of the electric bill since the property is on a well and that uses up a lot of power running sprinklers nearly every day and the pool filter/pump. He pays for the tools, gasoline (for the mower and weed-eater).
He pays for trash service, because earlier tenants used to use the trash service to have plant debris hauled off. Even though I showed him the compost heaps and showed him how I use the compost, he kept the trash service in his name and still pays it.
Now I know such opportunities are kind of rare, but they are out there. There are live in caretakers who live on the same property as the owners, there are live in maids/housesitters. A lot of the time a well off family will have a few homes and only want to keep someone reliable there on their property to live there (occupy it) in order to keep the vandals and other barbarians at bay.
http://www.housesittersamerica.com/ might give you a few ideas or get your pointed in the right direction.
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Once again, I am in agreement with Bowyn... You need to get out of that situation! He is using you and he's using her, even though she may not realize it. Anyway, she is married to the lazy Sh*&, you are not.
People tend to stay in bad situations because they are afraid of change (unknown ends).
I understand your situation may not be one that allows you to escape right away, so, as far as saving, find a bank that offers free checking and stash your money there ($10-20 a week, etc) once that money's deposited, forget you have it. Treat it as unavailable- Like you paid a bill or something. That's how one saves.
Also, and I don't want you to take offense, but you said you're taking meds already, are you seeing a therapist currently to help with your anxiety/anger? If not, I would certainly recommend it. This may require work as well as many are licensed, but few are "Good".
My friend, you've been through a lot of crap through your story, but you apparently knew enough to get away from your abusive parents (I hate them for you) this is not much different.
My best wishes!!!
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Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:Oh so your being a (second) wife without the benefit of pleasure.
My bad, I though you were being his ho, you are only being his bitch....
LOLOLOL Bowyn. ;P
Your housesitting idea is actually quite genius. Literally. I never even considered doing anything like that. I'm looking into it now. Not sure when I'll take the plunge, but we'll see how it works. I'd prefer to stay in Austin if possible. I'm fairly sure there are rich fuckers down by the lake who need someone to watch them... ahem... big house... with a view.
TLC1970JAN Wrote:Also, and I don't want you to take offense, but you said you're taking meds already, are you seeing a therapist currently to help with your anxiety/anger? If not, I would certainly recommend it. This may require work as well as many are licensed, but few are "Good".
I've mostly been staying in my situation because I've been forced to. Really no way out.
And no, I don't take offense! It's no big deal. 
I was seeing various counselors on/off for two years at the gay youth center here in town, but their cutoff date is twenty, so I've been without a therapist since April. I see a counselor at a community clinic next week (the seventeenth.) Not sure how long I'll stay there (I'd really like to get into the adult GLBT therapy center, but I don't know if they accept the medical assistance program card,) but it's a start.
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That's cool BeautifulBlue. May I suggest finding a counselor that deals specifically with "anger management" or you should be able to google it to find one near you.
I believe you are a beautiful person and once you conquer that, you'll be able to grow in ways you never imagined.
Also, if you can't afford help, there is a cognitive behavioral therapy course online for you to attempt to help yourself.
Either way, the road is long (again I truly dislike your parents) sorry if that bothers you. Any treatment will tell you that you must forgive them to help yourself, and that's true. (Not necessarily directly, but in your heart).
Anyway, again I wish the best for you!
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BeautifulBlue Wrote:No, I perfectly agree with you. I am VERY thankful for the money I make from my writing. I don't resent and/or jinx it at all. Sure -- I would love to have more sales, but I don't look at my total amount and go, 'I need to make more money,' if you get what I mean.
And Rainbowmum--you didn't offend me. No worries. I plan to start squirreling away money here shortly. I would've started this last month, but medical bills and having to buy food ate ALL of my money.
I should have added that from what I have seen I do admire you for being able to openly talk about your issues, but the most admirable thing is that you are actually tackling those issues and trying pretty hard to stabalise yourself.
You are helping yourself rather than sitting around and waiting for someone to help you, but at the same time you hav a great support network around you...Unlike your friend that you spoke of
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dfiant Wrote:I should have added that from what I have seen I do admire you for being able to openly talk about your issues, but the most admirable thing is that you are actually tackling those issues and trying pretty hard to stabalise yourself.
You are helping yourself rather than sitting around and waiting for someone to help you, but at the same time you hav a great support network around you...Unlike your friend that you spoke of
Thank you. I'm open because I've learned that it helps people, so I keep a pretty public life (well, beyond this, but that's mostly because I'm trying to keep on the 'down low' here, haha.)
I've been trying to help myself. I've had to do it more recently because it seems like very few people are willing to help me, but like you said, I have great friends. A friend/fan all the way from Gibraltor sent me $100 to help me get by until the end of the month, which is really fucking sweet of him because I barely know him (but he's a huge fan of my writing, so... I think that makes him feel ok doing it.) I'm pretty much set now, so I'm not worried, but yeah -- I need to start putting money away.
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I caught a glance at her US paperback sales just a few minutes ago.
360 dollars.
So... she's made over one-thousand dollars in twelve days.
BUT, she's 'poor.'
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