I feel bad for... "ugly" gay men

[WheresTheLove]

Yes, another thread. I'll try not to make this one offensive as the last one, but my confessions like these tend to be.

I really hate to use the word "ugly", since it sounds so offensive and pitiful, so I may use "unattractive" in place of that.

I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but we all know that there's certain features that 99.99999% of people would not find attractive. In straight people it's one thing. I know plenty of picky straight people who try to date out of their leagues. But at the same time I've seen those deemed "unattractive" find a spouse and get married, maybe have kids, whatever. It seems more straight people care more about finding a respectable partner to start a family with or whatever. They think for the long term, especially those who know they aren't the most desired physically or as they get a little bit older.

With lesbians, I've seen a similar pattern. I'm sure we've all seen lesbian couples where either one or both partners would probably never be featured in fashion magazines. And that's fine! Nothing wrong with that, society's standards are stupid anyway.

But when you take men who like other men (men generally have higher sex drives, so they think in terms of that a bit more)... I see this kind of behavior a lot less often. Gay men tend to want someone who is at least decent to look at, someone who, even if it's not one of their main priorities, they can have sex with and enjoy it if they need to release their sexual urges.

It's not really my place to say, but, does anyone else feel like the really unattractive guys are wasting their time looking, and that they'll probably never find anyone? I know it sounds really mean, of course, I'd never say that, it's just voices in my head that say it when I see a gay man who pretty much nobody would ever want anything sexual with at all.

And I'm not exactly one to judge either, nobody really is. Have people found me attractive? Yeah. Have they been either desparate older pervy guys or underage guys looking for anyone willing to break the law for them? Pretty much. I can't say I've really experienced a mutual attraction with anyone yet. =\ Maybe MY own expectations are too high.

Oh, that's another thing I have to get at. Gay men look for perfection.

When straight people talk about their ideal partner, they usually aren't TOO picky. I'll admit that many do just go for looks. Most straight men realize that when they find a girlfriend or wife, they'll have to put up with her listening to girly music, taking an hour to get ready, wanting to go shopping for clothes. And most girls realize that when they find a boyfriend or husband, they'll have to put up with beer and football in the man-cave living room on Sundays, maybe his sex drive is more than hers, etc. Sorry for the gender stereotyping, but most straight people realize that when finding a romantic partner, there WILL be things they dislike, but they can get past them.

Not sure how lesbians work... I think they just go for personality, it seems. Correct me if I'm wrong. They seem to have the whole butch/femme thing, but it's definately a lot more diverse when it comes to tastes for them than gay men.

With gay men, it's something along the lines of "the guy must not be too feminine, must like the same music as me, must look a certain way, must have a good job, be educated, NO QUESTIONS ASKED!". I've seen this plenty of times from guys who I thought didn't even deserve a "perfect" guy. They look for way too much in such a small population. And they wonder why they're alone? I admit, I do this too. If I'm gonna spend a long time with someone, I do want my sexual needs to be fulfilled, I do want someone I can be best friends with (especially since I currently lack in the friends department). But I try to have some leeway, considering how flawed I am.

I have a friend who is gay, and he's... well, to put it nicely, I can't really see anyone finding him attractive in the slightest at all. I'm not sure whether or not he realizes that. He probably does. The only relationships he's had are online: whether he even showed the other guy a picture, I don't know. As for sexual stuff, he told me that a few guys let him give them blowjobs, but that's it. I mean, I hope he proves me wrong and does find someone, but... I can't see it happening.

Anyone else have any say?

[pellaz]

i ran over a very handsome man in the parking lot. I should have been watching more closely

got out of the pickemup truck to look at what I've done... what a phucking mess

put the truck into reverse to double the deed, verify, nope, not feeling a thing for him.

[myapple]

Lol there's someone for everyone. Just because you, me, him, her, John, Timmy or whoever think someone is unattractive, doesn't mean someone else won't find them unattractive. I don't think that's even something you should worry about.

[East]

Wow...just wow. :frown::frown::frown:

[spencer]

I think there's someone for everyone I have seen some pretty...very unattractive people that are in a happy relationship with their spouse and there's nothing but love between the couple. For some looks really are irrelevent and I'm sure there's people out there that find attractive what the majority of people do not.

I admit that I'm shallow, I cannot be immediately attracted to someone I don't find attractive and I probably would never date anyone I didn't find at least decent looking, but that's attractive by my own standards and I think I'm not really overly judgemental on people's appearances. Plus I have my own taste in what I like in a body, you know how Brad Pitt supposed to be like super sexy or something? I don't thinks so at all. I think he's kinda blah looking.

I also find that a person's personality comes in to play in how physically attractive I find someone. If a person is really awesome they become either more hot/less ugly to me and I've found people who are considered sexy by almost everyone physically ugly because I loathed their personality. So it really just depends on the person.

[WheresTheLove]

i ran over a very handsome man in the parking lot. I should have been watching more closely

got out of the pickemup truck to look at what I've done... what a phucking mess

put the truck into reverse to double the deed, verify, nope, not feeling thing for him.

Um... ok? I think I missed something or I just didn't understand your post. I have BAI (below-average intelligence) so I probably missed some kind of sarcasm or whatever.

I guess this thread was even more offensive than my previous ones somehow, and I was trying not to be. Guess I need to work on my people skills.

I know it doesn't affect me, but, I just can't help but feel bad. I know I shouldn't, but I do. This is the confession room. I'm making a confession.

[East]

Um... ok? I think I missed something or I just didn't understand your post. I have BAI (below-average intelligence) so I probably missed some kind of sarcasm or whatever.

I guess this thread was even more offensive than my previous ones somehow, and I was trying not to be. Guess I need to work on my people skills.

I know it doesn't affect me, but, I just can't help but feel bad. I know I shouldn't, but I do. This is the confession room. I'm making a confession.

It is really offensive because you think you can define "beauty" for anyone else but yourself. To tone down the offensiveness which is massive BTW...try saying "I FIND THEM UNATTRACTIVE" versus claiming they are ugly or unattractive as though it is some kind of fact. It is an opinion...yours...and opinions are like assholes...everyone has one.

[Nick9]

uh, please tell me you are not serious

[dfiant]

I'm not sure what you say is offensive, but it paints a clearer picture of who you are...and I am sorry to be rather blunt, it ain't a pretty picture.

Its a very shallow way of thinking, and while you say you aren't one to judge, you seeme to be the exact opposite. Why? because if you weren't judgmental, these thoughts wouldn't preoccupy so much of you time, evident from the time you have taken to post.

You, in general, seem to have an exceptionally narrow view of the world, with a dash of bitterness, a helping of self pity and to top it off a squeeze of laziness. You seem to think that the world should fall into line with your views rather than opening your mind to broaden your views and see that the real world is not as you have described.

Don't play the BAI, that has nothing to do with morals, being open minded and life experience, and playing that card every time something is not going your way is not going to work the way that you want it to.

[Sylph]

I believe modesty is more important than beauty or attractiveness.

My mother has been complimented on her looks, literally everytime we go somewhere, and she never let's it go to her head.

And of course it sounds bias of me, her son, to say so, but it's true. I honestly do not find my self at all attractive, in the physical sense atleast, yet people say I'm handsome and I'm like; "Gurl, you crazzy" lol.

My mother taught me not to be vain, because it's actually very ugly and will cancel out any beauty you do possess :p .

I mean, sure, I slip up sometimes and like to do a little pose in the mirror or look at myself sometimes, but it's not like I'm constantly worrying about it.

My cousin has downsyndrome and to me, she's more beautiful than a lot of these girls flinging their false hair all over the place and swinging what butts they think they have. To me, that's unattractive. Well, mostly because they're girls, but also because they are so vain and usually very mean.

Not to say that you finding hawt guys attractive and non-hawt guys unattractive is a bad thing, but I think is something that is sort of limiting and also, you might hurt someone's feelings. I know you may not mean to, but that's how it can come across. Hopefully this isn't purposefully to hurt who you deem unattractive, that would be pretty unattractive really.

But in the end, people are people. Like you said, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. mile: