07-14-2012, 02:32 AM
Yes, another thread. I'll try not to make this one offensive as the last one, but my confessions like these tend to be.
I really hate to use the word "ugly", since it sounds so offensive and pitiful, so I may use "unattractive" in place of that.
I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but we all know that there's certain features that 99.99999% of people would not find attractive. In straight people it's one thing. I know plenty of picky straight people who try to date out of their leagues. But at the same time I've seen those deemed "unattractive" find a spouse and get married, maybe have kids, whatever. It seems more straight people care more about finding a respectable partner to start a family with or whatever. They think for the long term, especially those who know they aren't the most desired physically or as they get a little bit older.
With lesbians, I've seen a similar pattern. I'm sure we've all seen lesbian couples where either one or both partners would probably never be featured in fashion magazines. And that's fine! Nothing wrong with that, society's standards are stupid anyway.
But when you take men who like other men (men generally have higher sex drives, so they think in terms of that a bit more)... I see this kind of behavior a lot less often. Gay men tend to want someone who is at least decent to look at, someone who, even if it's not one of their main priorities, they can have sex with and enjoy it if they need to release their sexual urges.
It's not really my place to say, but, does anyone else feel like the really unattractive guys are wasting their time looking, and that they'll probably never find anyone? I know it sounds really mean, of course, I'd never say that, it's just voices in my head that say it when I see a gay man who pretty much nobody would ever want anything sexual with at all.
And I'm not exactly one to judge either, nobody really is. Have people found me attractive? Yeah. Have they been either desparate older pervy guys or underage guys looking for anyone willing to break the law for them? Pretty much. I can't say I've really experienced a mutual attraction with anyone yet. =\ Maybe MY own expectations are too high.
Oh, that's another thing I have to get at. Gay men look for perfection.
When straight people talk about their ideal partner, they usually aren't TOO picky. I'll admit that many do just go for looks. Most straight men realize that when they find a girlfriend or wife, they'll have to put up with her listening to girly music, taking an hour to get ready, wanting to go shopping for clothes. And most girls realize that when they find a boyfriend or husband, they'll have to put up with beer and football in the man-cave living room on Sundays, maybe his sex drive is more than hers, etc. Sorry for the gender stereotyping, but most straight people realize that when finding a romantic partner, there WILL be things they dislike, but they can get past them.
Not sure how lesbians work... I think they just go for personality, it seems. Correct me if I'm wrong. They seem to have the whole butch/femme thing, but it's definately a lot more diverse when it comes to tastes for them than gay men.
With gay men, it's something along the lines of "the guy must not be too feminine, must like the same music as me, must look a certain way, must have a good job, be educated, NO QUESTIONS ASKED!". I've seen this plenty of times from guys who I thought didn't even deserve a "perfect" guy. They look for way too much in such a small population. And they wonder why they're alone? I admit, I do this too. If I'm gonna spend a long time with someone, I do want my sexual needs to be fulfilled, I do want someone I can be best friends with (especially since I currently lack in the friends department). But I try to have some leeway, considering how flawed I am.
I have a friend who is gay, and he's... well, to put it nicely, I can't really see anyone finding him attractive in the slightest at all. I'm not sure whether or not he realizes that. He probably does. The only relationships he's had are online: whether he even showed the other guy a picture, I don't know. As for sexual stuff, he told me that a few guys let him give them blowjobs, but that's it. I mean, I hope he proves me wrong and does find someone, but... I can't see it happening.
Anyone else have any say?
I really hate to use the word "ugly", since it sounds so offensive and pitiful, so I may use "unattractive" in place of that.
I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but we all know that there's certain features that 99.99999% of people would not find attractive. In straight people it's one thing. I know plenty of picky straight people who try to date out of their leagues. But at the same time I've seen those deemed "unattractive" find a spouse and get married, maybe have kids, whatever. It seems more straight people care more about finding a respectable partner to start a family with or whatever. They think for the long term, especially those who know they aren't the most desired physically or as they get a little bit older.
With lesbians, I've seen a similar pattern. I'm sure we've all seen lesbian couples where either one or both partners would probably never be featured in fashion magazines. And that's fine! Nothing wrong with that, society's standards are stupid anyway.
But when you take men who like other men (men generally have higher sex drives, so they think in terms of that a bit more)... I see this kind of behavior a lot less often. Gay men tend to want someone who is at least decent to look at, someone who, even if it's not one of their main priorities, they can have sex with and enjoy it if they need to release their sexual urges.
It's not really my place to say, but, does anyone else feel like the really unattractive guys are wasting their time looking, and that they'll probably never find anyone? I know it sounds really mean, of course, I'd never say that, it's just voices in my head that say it when I see a gay man who pretty much nobody would ever want anything sexual with at all.
And I'm not exactly one to judge either, nobody really is. Have people found me attractive? Yeah. Have they been either desparate older pervy guys or underage guys looking for anyone willing to break the law for them? Pretty much. I can't say I've really experienced a mutual attraction with anyone yet. =\ Maybe MY own expectations are too high.
Oh, that's another thing I have to get at. Gay men look for perfection.
When straight people talk about their ideal partner, they usually aren't TOO picky. I'll admit that many do just go for looks. Most straight men realize that when they find a girlfriend or wife, they'll have to put up with her listening to girly music, taking an hour to get ready, wanting to go shopping for clothes. And most girls realize that when they find a boyfriend or husband, they'll have to put up with beer and football in the man-cave living room on Sundays, maybe his sex drive is more than hers, etc. Sorry for the gender stereotyping, but most straight people realize that when finding a romantic partner, there WILL be things they dislike, but they can get past them.
Not sure how lesbians work... I think they just go for personality, it seems. Correct me if I'm wrong. They seem to have the whole butch/femme thing, but it's definately a lot more diverse when it comes to tastes for them than gay men.
With gay men, it's something along the lines of "the guy must not be too feminine, must like the same music as me, must look a certain way, must have a good job, be educated, NO QUESTIONS ASKED!". I've seen this plenty of times from guys who I thought didn't even deserve a "perfect" guy. They look for way too much in such a small population. And they wonder why they're alone? I admit, I do this too. If I'm gonna spend a long time with someone, I do want my sexual needs to be fulfilled, I do want someone I can be best friends with (especially since I currently lack in the friends department). But I try to have some leeway, considering how flawed I am.
I have a friend who is gay, and he's... well, to put it nicely, I can't really see anyone finding him attractive in the slightest at all. I'm not sure whether or not he realizes that. He probably does. The only relationships he's had are online: whether he even showed the other guy a picture, I don't know. As for sexual stuff, he told me that a few guys let him give them blowjobs, but that's it. I mean, I hope he proves me wrong and does find someone, but... I can't see it happening.
Anyone else have any say?
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
lol.
mile:
