My Gay Dad

[bryandurel]

The advice here has been simply incredible.

I'll be brunching with my dad soon and talk to him heart to heart about it all.

I'll update you all on how it goes.

And once again... thank you everyone!

[Sylph]

Everyone has pretty much said it all, and Bowyn kinda knocked it out of the park and into outerspace...

But I believe that, if you love your dad and trust him, then you shouldn't have to worry.

If he needs your help, he'll ask and if he needs it and he doesn't ask for help, then there's nothing you can do but let him work it out and perhaps you can offer your help, but he should know when he does and doesn't need help and you should respect that.



It's sweet you care so much about him, but you can't change a person who doesn't want to be changed and neither can you help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

Just love him and be there for him. :biggrin:

[dfiant]

as for calling him out on it ! hes's in his 50s and has earnt the right not to answer to anyone ,

I would have done the same. If you love someone, especially family, you have the right to say something and age doesn't matter.

Just because he is 50 doesn't mean he has earned the right to shit!

If anyone see someone they love being destructive, especially self destructive, they not only have the right to say something, they have an obligation to say something.

Weather his father takes notice is another story...he is 50, he has the right to ignore good advice.

[bryandurel]

My dad and I had a long talk over brunch on saturday and... he misses my mom and what they had.

He doesn't miss her physically but he was married for 25 years and in his heart and mind no one can replace her as a companion.

I love my mom and she's awesome but, this is really confusing :/

[Jayd]

I think your dad is going to pursue his life as is regardless. Though, I think hook ups can be safe as long as long as they are educated. I would certainly say you are concerned and bring this concern to your father. Then give him the old, are you using condoms and lube talk and tell him to be careful. Awkward, but, totally worth it I think.

[bryandurel]

"Hi Dad! Are you using lube?"

:redface:

[pellaz]

... he misses my mom and what they had ...
I love my mom and she's awesome but, this is really confusing :/

he needs to get over the loss and re find himself. I dont have a feel of any time frame here so just guessing when he can emotionally stand for him self he needs to find that best friend in the terms of a gay relationship. It is extremely possible to do.

Feel confused, but I think it is awesome you two can talk every now and then. Getting him over his loss could be a research project for you and a lite conversation topic for the Sunday brunch talk.

best of luck in your effort should you go this way.

[Story]

Id like to comment on the "unhealthy" part of what your dad is doing, I think the most unhealthy thing that could affect him is his mental/emotional health IF he feels that he must hide who he is still. Otherwise if he is ok with himself and what path he had chosen, then he should be fine and it will take him time to sort through things in which case the best thing you can do is support him

[zeon]

Hello,
Coming out is a big step for anyone so within time he may or he may just be happy being in the place his in... The fact his son is gay as well would help him accept and understand x

[bryandurel]

I don't know if astrology is relevant here but he's very Piscean. He has a very emotional aspect of his personality and I think there's a lot he needs to get over - My aunt said they had a tough childhood but I never really did ask why. I might call up my aunt and ask her.