Does douchebagsofgrindr go too far?

[WheresTheLove]

I'll try to make this a short thread.

I understand how and why most of the people they post on there are douchebags and are rude, mean, selfish, etc. whatever. BUT, I do have a problem with some of the "flaws" in other guys they point out (which is hypocritical in itself, since they hate guys who try to say other guys have flaws).

The whole "ageism" thing:
It usually doesn't exist. The people who cry "ageism!" are desperate, old horny men who want a young twink and get mad when the young guys don't like them back.
I remember one comment agreeing with me, saying "Well, I'm not gonna fuck a guy from my grandpa's retirement home!".
I mean, seriously. Those of us who want dates, friends with benefits, whatever probably want someone closer to our age that we can relate to. I usually don't see why having an age range is bad. Is it a bit judgemental? Yes. But also think of it this way: for those of us wanting long-term relationships, we want someone we can spend a long time with, not someone who will die within 5 years.
Usually the guys who get the most insults are like 35-40 looking for guys between 20-30. I can see how that is douchebaggery, since they're being a bit hypocritical, and are usually cocky and think that they're magical beings who don't age.
But otherwise... give it a rest. I'm gonna date guys near my age and that's that.

Not gonna go into the racism thing since that'd be beating a dead horse.

"No femmes":
Another dead horse, but I'll touch on it.
It's one thing to hate guys who are rude about it. But again, there's something that people will just shout "DOUCHEBAG!" at every guy who doesn't like feminine guys.
Again, guys think that you should give anyone a chance if they have a penis. A penis does not make me attracted to someone. I don't wanna see picture of a guy's dick, they don't do anything for me. We all know that dating is not just sexual arousal, it's also emotional attatchment as well.
You also have to realize that in that sense, sexuality is not just liking dicks or vaginas. We associate it with traits that we look for in people, which we associate with being attracted to someone.
Also, tell me how often you'd see a straight guy date a butch girl... or a straight girl date a femme guy. You really don't. Apparently, being a minority magically makes it where you're supposed to be attracted to things you just aren't?
My point is, while there's nothing wrong with people being themselves, regardless of gender, and people should respect that... don't expect everyone to be into femme guys.

Bodyism?:
I think that's the right term for it... the "no fats" thing or whatever.
Personally, I like chubby. But when I say chubby, I mean maybe a bit extra cushion... in the "overweight" range on the BMI scale. Once a guy gets to "obese", the attraction usually isn't there.
And honestly, I'm not attracted to really thin guys. They don't do anything for me.
Most of the complaints about this are guys who expect in-shape when they themselves are not. I agree that they're hyopcrites and understand the anger at that.
However, most people, of any sexuality, will not date someone who they think is lazy (despite obesity being a genetic condition), especially if they work to keep their body in decent shape. I know that there are some people who go after those with a lot of extra weight, but I'm pretty sure they're a small minority.
I like to go hiking sometimes. I like to keep myself walking at a decent pace. It's bad enough dealing with my handicapped dad when I go hiking with him... I don't want someone who has trouble walking to slow me down.


I think that covers most of the complains on there. Oh, and there are the guys with over-inflated egos, but, those are everywhere.
This is all stuff that has been said by many people before, but just thought I'd say it.

To sum this up:
~Ageism is perfectly called for 98% of the time
~Different people prefer different amount of masculinity and femininity
~And different body shapes as well, plus people with certain lifestyles may want someone with the same

However, I agree that people should not be mean about these things (or anything). There really isn't a way to put it in your profile without people saying you're a douchebag though. I will admit that saying "NO _______" is pretty rude and not to mention may exclude people that they may actually find that they like. The best way to go about it would be "usually prefer _______". Even then, you'll have people calling you a douchebag, but they could just be jealous of you.

Mostly just want any comments on the ageism thing, because most of the time, calling out others for it is annoying and uncalled for.

[dfiant]

You're right, there are douchebag 40 year olds, there are douchebag 60 year olds....AND there are douchebag 19 year olds.

I'm just saying

My comment will probably get ignored or attacked because I am one of the 40ish year olds that is 5 year from death and just trying to desperately hold onto my youth

[Pix]

The old men who want a twink and won't consider men their own age reminded of a straight guy (who was like plenty of other straight guys, only more extreme). He's out of shape, has rotted teeth, dresses in the cheapest clothes from Walmart (btw, he tends to buy new clothes so he doesn't have to wash them, all the while complaining about lack of money and my telling him how to wash clothes cheaply fell on deaf ears), unshaven and hair a mess, half his food budget includes beer and most of the rest include chips and things to throw in the microwave, he sleeps on a vomit-strained mattress in a roach infested room, he's got holes in his cabinets from where he shot them with a crossbow thinking it was funny while drunk, he tends to be paranoid & depressing, has an incredibly insane family that messes in his affairs (given his family I'm surprised he's not worse than he is), and is something of a jerk (as just one example a woman moved next door and asked for his help in getting her couch inside and he said no "because I knew she wouldn't have sex with me" and so to do her any kindness with no sex would make him a "chump"). He's also a misogynist.

Despite these flaws, he expects his women to be perfect. They have to be beautiful (talking like an 8 minimum on a 1-10 scale), stylish, have (unlike him) all their teeth, educated (college degree of some kind, though to be fair he has one himself), younger, and devoted (and apparently willing to "put out" for his helping her with furniture), and I think blonde. He honestly cannot understand why no such woman wants him (and files restraining orders against him when he stalks her, a reason he said outright why he hated cops and courts). He wouldn't talk to me for a long while after I said, "The problem with looking for the perfect woman is that they're usually looking for the perfect man."

[spencer]

So I don't spend any time on grindr so I really started out reading having no idea what you were talking but I think I'm smart enough that I understood. xD!

Anyway, I don't think I can argue with on anything. I guess all I have to say is I absolutely cannot stand it when someone high standards for someone they are willing to date but they themselves are not willing to live up to those same standards. Hypocracy and douchebaggery are my least favorite things. Though maybe I'm a hypocrite because I've been called a douchebag a few times.

[WheresTheLove]

You're right, there are douchebag 40 year olds, there are douchebag 60 year olds....AND there are douchebag 19 year olds.

I'm just saying

My comment will probably get ignored or attacked because I am one of the 40ish year olds that is 5 year from death and just trying to desperately hold onto my youth

I know, my point was that the people who call others douchebags go way too far in judging who is a douchebag.

I did have a 60-year-old guy message me on a website once and tell me to "increase my age range" (which was pretty wide at the time to begin with). That's what I was referring to when I said "5 years from death". I know that 65 is a rather young death nowadays, but, some people deteroirate fast. My dad is 47 and in terrible health. I wasn't referring to you or anybody your age.

And I know that some younger guys love older guys... I did/kinda do too, looks-wise, but I wouldn't have a relationship for the reasons I stated.

As well, not sure what you mean by "holding onto [your] youth"... anyone can be youthful of course, regardless of age.
What I don't like is older people (of any gender and orientation) expecting younger people to want them and date them.

The old men who want a twink and won't consider men their own age reminded of a straight guy (who was like plenty of other straight guys, only more extreme). He's out of shape, has rotted teeth, dresses in the cheapest clothes from Walmart (btw, he tends to buy new clothes so he doesn't have to wash them, all the while complaining about lack of money and my telling him how to wash clothes cheaply fell on deaf ears), unshaven and hair a mess, half his food budget includes beer and most of the rest include chips and things to throw in the microwave, he sleeps on a vomit-strained mattress in a roach infested room, he's got holes in his cabinets from where he shot them with a crossbow thinking it was funny while drunk, he tends to be paranoid & depressing, has an incredibly insane family that messes in his affairs (given his family I'm surprised he's not worse than he is), and is something of a jerk (as just one example a woman moved next door and asked for his help in getting her couch inside and he said no "because I knew she wouldn't have sex with me" and so to do her any kindness with no sex would make him a "chump"). He's also a misogynist.

Despite these flaws, he expects his women to be perfect. They have to be beautiful (talking like an 8 minimum on a 1-10 scale), stylish, have (unlike him) all their teeth, educated (college degree of some kind, though to be fair he has one himself), younger, and devoted (and apparently willing to "put out" for his helping her with furniture), and I think blonde. He honestly cannot understand why no such woman wants him (and files restraining orders against him when he stalks her, a reason he said outright why he hated cops and courts). He wouldn't talk to me for a long while after I said, "The problem with looking for the perfect woman is that they're usually looking for the perfect man."

How the fuck would someone like that have a college degree? What was it? Associate's in liberal arts?

Unfortunately, there are plenty of people like that out there.

Some people say I'm that way with making friends. =\ I can't see why people wouldn't want to be friends with me. Someone did claim I was stalking them once.

So I don't spend any time on grindr so I really started out reading having no idea what you were talking but I think I'm smart enough that I understood. xD!

Anyway, I don't think I can argue with on anything. I guess all I have to say is I absolutely cannot stand it when someone high standards for someone they are willing to date but they themselves are not willing to live up to those same standards. Hypocracy and douchebaggery are my least favorite things. Though maybe I'm a hypocrite because I've been called a douchebag a few times.

I never used Grindr, never will. I don't want or need that kinda thing. Plus, I don't have a smart phone anyway.

Yeah, I didn't know what it was at first, but after going to douchebagsofgrindr, I'd seen enough.

I've been called a lot worse than a douchebag. @.@

[dfiant]

What I don't like is older people (of any gender and orientation) expecting younger people to want them and date them.

Sometimes it is not an expectation. If you are basing all this on Grindr than it tends to be a mute point as it is a hook up app, so it is an assumption that you are on the app the get a root.

I get the same sort of attitude from 18 year olds as I do 60 year olds when I say I don't want to fuck them, and that isn't restricted to grindr, it's just about anything 'dating' with gay guys. Guys think with their dicks...why do you think we have to get jobs and go to work? what would we be doing if we didn't have work as an interlude

[pellaz]

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Heh, heh, heh.... I can't wait until you hit 40, then come back and reread what you wrote.

At 46 its hard to believe I'm 'old' by any standards. Sure I walk on the cane occasionally (bum knee) I groan when I get into bed. I can't read the print on anything (6 years ago they started printing everything smaller - I know its not my needing reading glasses).

Yet when I was 20 I thought people who were in their 40's were ancient. Forget people in their 50's and 60's I mean that is older than older, ancienter than ancient.

Inside most people don't really age that much, their body betrays them and gets far older faster than the mind.

[East]

But otherwise... give it a rest. I'm gonna date guys near my age and that's that.

I think you should be clear and make this clear to everyone so the "old people" can dodge a bullet. I can't imagine why anyone older and mature would be the slightest bit interested in you anyway:eek: but to each his own. At least we agree that they must be desperate.

(I am sorry if this is rude but I cannot take anymore of this without saying what I think) First you ranted on the "flamer" guys and then the people who you defined as "ugly" and I said to myself...how long before he rags on older men...and here you are...ragging on older men.

I worked in gay nightclubs as a bartender and DJ for 20 years and I have seen ALOT...and you remind me that the more things change they really DO stay the same....

Ahhhh,.....I think that is all. Carry on as you will

[dfiant]

(I am sorry if this is rude but I cannot take anymore of this without saying what I think) First you ranted on the "flamer" guys and then the people who you defined as "ugly" and I said to myself...how long before he rags on older men...and here you are...ragging on older men.

I know exactly what you mean, but I, however unusal it may seem, was trying to be a bit diplomatic...some people say I should work on my diplomacy.

Well that's the end of that story.

OP is a douchbag