possible to be gay and no feminine traits

[nikgee]

I believe the biggest problem is humans are groupers. With thought, humans will group things into like-catagories out of habit. I mean, look at the world around us. There are plants and animals (groups) dogs and cats (groups). But people get confused. We have the Koala bear (not a bear, but a marsupial), the horned toad (a lizard). Then going further to other things. A peanut (which is neither a pea, nor a nut), a coconut (not a nut). Why are these things named such?

Like characterists.

People see something that shares characteristics with something they KNOW, and assume it is something similar to it. The mainstream image of a gay man is a feminine flamboyant over-the-top individual (thanks hollywood). When in reality being gay is just a trait.... just like anything else.

People assume bikers are all tatted up big brutes with narrow minds and bad attitudes, when reality is they're just everyday people like you and I.... who happen to take pleasure in their motorcycles.

People assume because you speak with a bit of a southern drawl that you're some uneducated hick from dumbtown, USA, when the reality is their are some above average to incredibly intelligent people who just so happen to talk like that.

They are just traits. You can't fault humans for trying to group other humans. Part of that comes from personal experience, and part of that comes from education. Hopefully the general populace becomes more educated and learns that being gay is just like being attracted to blondes or liking macaroni and cheese; it's not something you can identify by looking at someone's appearance. :tongue:

Grouping, your message is spot on. I must confess I have fallen victim to grouping,categorizing people. I guess it was my way of bringing some somnolence of order in my chaotic world. The problems begin when it goes beyond the basic order of things. Categorizing can lead to stereotyping, narrow mindedness, and prejudice This helps to remind me not to focus on the group , but on the individual..

[nikgee]

i think everyone is trying to accomplish that (just trying to be me). Its a moving target for most and nice to be aware of people who go down a different path than you might initially consider. There is (or was) a gay culture, maybe it is fading or changing as the younger men appear. Look at how the general culture is over written with straight sex. It is in everything we see, books, news, movies so its an open topic of conversation.

There are instances that being out is the proper thing to do or just makes life easier:
-My gym partner is in his late 20's and straight married with a child. I think he should know i am gay should he not? for sure he will figure it out on his own no matter how i try to hide it.
-We are working on a project from hell at work. Everyone is on top of each other to get this out the door. I think its important to be judged on who you are not by rumor and innuendo. There is enough to worry about just now.
-i have a partner, we share our lives together. I will not say i dont know him in public just because it will upset the straights. this would not be sharing a life.
-i was in a straight marriage for 15years, so like back then, i will not resist holding hands or kissing in public. I dont love my husband less than my xwife.


-the straight population is like 95% so its quite logical to assume someone is straight. Just from a numbers point of view.
-last conversation with my daughter was along the lines she was hoping gay or straight she could find a person who will love her. So she might, as a potential date, ask if they are gay.
-there is a different relationship between a gay and straight people. 4example between a gay man and a straight lady (hag).

You have touched on some very good points and we are not to far off from like thinking. I think the main obstacle for me right now is. well here goes.I've never talked about this to anyone. I've spent my whole life59 years in the straight world. Right or wrong should have done things differently is not an issue here for me. The reality is I am where I am at. And if my mind is trying to beat me up with regrets I'm am not buying it because there where a lot of good times along the way . I see it has part of my journey..I don't expect anyone else to walk in my shoes or help me carry my luggage about. I have not intended to deceive or hurt anyone on the way.Maybe that is part of the reason I've stayed quite all these years. Anyway, the point I am trying to make here besides feeling exposed, the longer one waitsand the older one gets it becomes harder and harder to find that comfort zone unable to fit in either world.

[fr0sty]

Of course its possible for a man to be gay with no feminine traits. I've met some. I know one specifically who was a real guy's guy...works on cars, plays poker and basketball, and everything about him oozed straight guy. He was gay.

Also, interesting tidbit....straight guys sometime ask me if I'm gay because I'm not into some of the masculine things they are. However, i've met multiple gay guys who dont believe that I like men. Even when I tell them, they are like: "no, you're straight aren't you?" Everyone is different, and masculinity/femininity all come in different degrees with each person based on your personality and of course sometimes the life experiences you've had.

[BigCub]

Is it possible to be gay and not have any feminine traits?

Yes, I am one of them. My partner is one of them. All my gay friends are ones as well.

I go on the assumption that when you say "feminine traits" what you mean is their general behavior, NOT the activities they enjoy. Such as; the stereotypical mannerisms gay men are known to have. Limp wrested, sashaying, referring to other men as "her" or "she" or "girl", giggling, prissiness, speaks with a higher voice & has the "gay" accent. If those are the traits then YES. It is VERY possible for a gay man to NOT have any of those traits.

I myself have non of those traits. To anyone who does not know me, I come across as the typical southern bubba/redneck, and can easily transform into Rhett Butler, the perfect southern gentleman, with the mannerisms of a man with proper breeding, education, sophistication & manners befitting of a southern gentleman. But when I am with my friends & I don't have to keep up airs, then all hell breaks loose, I'm ready to hoot & holler, go mud slinging, drink a few beer, smoke Marlboro, dip some Skoal and all the typical things redneck men do when they get together.

[pellaz]

my background on this post:

I think the gay role model is strong in the older gay men still but being gay is belonging to a larger lgbt community

My partner had very nice affirming parents while growing up and knew who he was all along. my partner is "Very Gay" by his own admission.
I was like 48 and figured i was gay. My husband figures i am slightly straight, by his own admission.

We met i was still married and in the closet. He gay'ed me to his liking, I got a divorce and came out. He works at the theater, I work on cars. Where things are not heaven they seem to work with moderate effort.

[matty7]

i have zero feminine traits - well my friends have never seen any and have said so ,, i have no feminine likes or interests - i am just gay...end of really

[JisthenewK]

Yes. Being gay just means you like the same sex. It has nothing to do with personality.

[Sylph]

haha hey! first off, you're lucky I dont spell it Maxxx lol and second off, the first person to ever spell it Maxx was my ex GIRLfriend so gimme back my points there! hahaha

Maxx [A.K.A Maxxx] - 1
Da Queen [A.K.A Odi] - 0

.

Enjoy it while it lasts Maxine

-- Oh wait;

Maxine [A.K.A Maxx] - 1
Da Queen [A.K.A Odi] - 999

...burn...lol

[monk]

Is it possible to be gay and not have any feminine traits?

Yes, I am one of them. My partner is one of them.

Yep, same here.