Depression

[behrens2001]

Guys, I just cant help but having very bad depressions recently...I feel so horrible that suicide is in my head a lot....in order to stop thinking about all those depressing things, I work as hard as possible in the day and work out crazily after work..but still I cry every night with a mix of reasons......

so many lies, so many uncertainties，loneliness, etc...

What should i do? I become increasingly unsure about where i should head to...

im so negative today..thanks god, i found gayspeak..

[azulai]

Hi behrens.
I think your thread got lost. I hope you are doing ok. Please give us an update.

Quite a few of us here at GS are very familiar with depression. I'm not sure if you are indicating that your depression stems from you being in the closet or accepting yourself but maybe talk about things a little more here at GS and see if if helps.

I do use exercise, diet, meditation and my music as kind of my safety net.

Remember there is the Trevor Lifeline: 866-488-7386, that you can call and talk with trained counselors.

[Sylph]

And all I can offer is my [perhaps stupid] Optimisim in that, wherever there is something bad in your life, there has to be something good.

It's the balance known to some as Yin & Yang or Light & Dark.

You musn't solely dedicate yourself to negativity, no matter how easy it is, or how much you believe it makes sense to do so, or that you can not find "The Light".

It's easy to choose the easy option, but the easy option turns out a lot of the time to be the least beneficial and the least helpful.

The best things in life, are the things you sometimes have to wait and/or fight for.

Don't lose hope boo

And thanks to Zu-Zu , for bringing this thread back up <3

[behrens2001]

haha, yeah man. Thanks for your post. I am usually very positive and my life is pretty good except for this sexuality and the related issues. im feeling much better now, as im traveling with my friends to escape from nyc for a while, haha.

[JasonBourne]

I know how you feel OP I have been fighting Depression on and off now for a few years. Im depressed for many reasons but the main reason is I feel like the biggest loser. Im 26 and feel like I have done nothing in life when my friends are doing all this amazing stuff. The biggest trigger for my depression is love I fall in love so hard and fast when a girl breaks up with me im broken inside.

[behrens2001]

thanks for your reply Jason. I never felt depressed before college. After i entered college, i fell in love, like actually in love, with a straight dude.. i didnt want to tell him, but i did anyway. And of course he said no and stopped talking with me for a while. i was so sad and desperate. Although we are friends again now, but thats how i started to feel depressed constantly...now i feel fine, but i dont know when it will come back again..haha, i might need u guys help again later

[behrens2001]

hey azulai, cause my posts havent exceeded 20 yet, so i cannot PM you. But thank you so much for your message. I am feeling much better as i am currently traveling around with my friends in order to escape from nyc for a while.

It was possibly because all my roommates were away last week so that I felt so depressed and lonely in the apartment and unlike u, who are in love and happy (really feel happy for you), I could not stop thinking about all those depressing things related to my being in the closet, my parents' attitudes, friends issues, etc..

But now im doing fine, and thank you again for your kindness. I really really appreciate it. Why cant these world be full of people like u.. haha..

[azulai]

Thanks for letting me know you are ok, behrens!

I'm glad you're having fun with your friends! We'll talk more when you have a chance.
Peace.

[azulai]

I know how you feel OP I have been fighting Depression on and off now for a few years. Im depressed for many reasons but the main reason is I feel like the biggest loser. Im 26 and feel like I have done nothing in life when my friends are doing all this amazing stuff. The biggest trigger for my depression is love I fall in love so hard and fast when a girl breaks up with me im broken inside.

Hi, Jason.
You know sometimes I think it is our perception that others are doing "amazing stuff." Some people hide the self-doubt better than others.

What kind of helps me is I know what I'm good at and I honestly know what I'm not good at. I make peace with that reality and move forward. Also, I have really committed to the idea that we all have our own journey and wishing for what others might have will just make me miss seeing what I have. So I really only look at myself and challenge myself. I don't compare myself to others.

I tend to be emotional and I just can't apologize for it. But, I move at a slower pace to protect myself. IDK if that makes sense or if it helps any.

[JasonBourne]

Thanks Azulai yes it makes sense.