New and need your advice

[StanTheMan]

It seems that, well, you are gay. Once you accept yourself, you won't feel ashamed anymore. I took this advice from my fellow gay friend, and it worked. You can meet lots of interesting people here or just look on Google for "gay dating". Just watch out - you never know who's on the other side.

[nikgee]

Hello!

I'm so glad I found an outlet to talk to people. I'm thrilled!

First off, I have never been in a real relationship (other than the 2 months in high school when I was with a girl) and I am 34 years old. Sad, I know. I met a girl when i was 22, but that didn't go anywhere. Ever since then I always thought I would find a girl. However, while this thought was going going through my head, so were thoughts of guys. SInce middle school I have been sexually attracted to guys. In fact, I have masturbated (sorry if inappropriate) to the thought of guys in their underwear since I can remember. WIthin the last few months It's me imagining me having sex with certain guys that I like. In hindsight, I realized that I really have minimal interest in women. I came to a point last year that this constant interest in guys must mean something because I rarely see women that interest me or I find attractive. I can name so many male actors that I find attractive or sexy. I sometimes feel disgusted with myself for liking guys, but usually find another guy that I like. So, I could conclude that I am gay. Truthfully, I could be okay with it but I could also be a little ashamed. Lately I have fantasized/daydreamed/imagined having boyfriend and the things we could do together( cuddle, cook, spend the night at each other's homes, etc) I can truly say that I am interested. I'm pretty sure I would pursue a relationship with the right guy if I had the opportunity. I'm not getting any younger and I feel like life has already passed me by. Even though my horniness lives on I can honestly say that sex for me is within a relationship and not a one night stand. That kind of worries me about dating. I would love to meet someone who wants to meet someone and not just have sex. So I ask you out there: Do you think I am gay? Can you offer places to find quality men? Can you offer advice for dating and finding a boyfriend?

Thanks

I told myself today i want to be an observer. I wasn't going to write anything There are so many here with so much more experience than myself. I would hate to lead some one in the wrong direction.

Well I read your post. And what you are describing was my life when I was around your age I am not trying to sound condescending or old lol. If you can bare with me a minute it will all make sense. This would have been 25 years ago for me . To fast forward to now. Very little progress. It does get harder to poke your head out of closet. And the frustration does not go away. It grows.

I am a firm believer we can learn from others and their short comings. If I would have acted on what I was feeling 25 years ago it would have been a lot easier coming out than what I am facing now.

Anyway I have a couple of thoughts to leave you with. One, if you are having question about your sexuality, you probably are gay.If that logic doesn't convince you. then you need yo find out for yourself.There is no literature that can give you 100% answer you need. you can talk to as many people that you can. And no one can tell you for sure whether you are gay or not. The only way to know for sure is to find out for yourself. Not to sound rude or crude , but you got to try it out. If you don't experience it how will you know what you want. Don't wait .The time is now.It doesn't get easier the longer you wait. Believe me.You'll be alright......

[Rainbowmum]

First let me say
Second, being Gay there is nothing to be ashamed of.

Try getting involved with your local LGBT center.

[Double007]

Thanks Latebloomer. I hear you about the experience thing. I wasn't completely honest. I have visited a gay nightclub in the last few months and have met some people. I haven't hooked up with anyone but I ended up kissing three guys, on separate nights. One guy was great and the other two pretty much inhaled my face. Based on that experience, I don't like when some guy swallows up my face when he's kissing me. So experience is good. I'm still not sure about the hook up thing. I think I would do better with getting to know someone a little bit before anything happened. Sure, I get it that may not meet a keeper right away, but I also have standards. I'm not going to lie, I am a man and if a really hot guy wanted to get with me for the night, it would not be easy to say no or maybe wouldn't be able to so say no. Ha ha. So experimentation is on my list, but I'm not giving up on getting to know someone either.

[LateBloomer]

Thanks Latebloomer. I hear you about the experience thing. I wasn't completely honest. I have visited a gay nightclub in the last few months and have met some people. I haven't hooked up with anyone but I ended up kissing three guys, on separate nights. One guy was great and the other two pretty much inhaled my face. Based on that experience, I don't like when some guy swallows up my face when he's kissing me. So experience is good. I'm still not sure about the hook up thing. I think I would do better with getting to know someone a little bit before anything happened. Sure, I get it that may not meet a keeper right away, but I also have standards. I'm not going to lie, I am a man and if a really hot guy wanted to get with me for the night, it would not be easy to say no or maybe wouldn't be able to so say no. Ha ha. So experimentation is on my list, but I'm not giving up on getting to know someone either.

Ok good. I'm glad to hear you're out there "playing the field".



And BELIEVE ME. I can't stand having a vacuum cleaner on my face either.

Bottom line, you're out there meeting guys at YOUR OWN pace, and that is the most important thing--not that you do it my way.

Good luck,
Keep us updated.

[BigCub]

Yep defiantly gay or at the very least, you are gay with bi tendencies.

[Buffylo]

Hello!

I'm so glad I found an outlet to talk to people. I'm thrilled!

First off, I have never been in a real relationship (other than the 2 months in high school when I was with a girl) and I am 34 years old. Sad, I know. I met a girl when i was 22, but that didn't go anywhere. Ever since then I always thought I would find a girl. However, while this thought was going going through my head, so were thoughts of guys. SInce middle school I have been sexually attracted to guys. In fact, I have masturbated (sorry if inappropriate) to the thought of guys in their underwear since I can remember. WIthin the last few months It's me imagining me having sex with certain guys that I like. In hindsight, I realized that I really have minimal interest in women. I came to a point last year that this constant interest in guys must mean something because I rarely see women that interest me or I find attractive. I can name so many male actors that I find attractive or sexy. I sometimes feel disgusted with myself for liking guys, but usually find another guy that I like. So, I could conclude that I am gay. Truthfully, I could be okay with it but I could also be a little ashamed. Lately I have fantasized/daydreamed/imagined having boyfriend and the things we could do together( cuddle, cook, spend the night at each other's homes, etc) I can truly say that I am interested. I'm pretty sure I would pursue a relationship with the right guy if I had the opportunity. I'm not getting any younger and I feel like life has already passed me by. Even though my horniness lives on I can honestly say that sex for me is within a relationship and not a one night stand. That kind of worries me about dating. I would love to meet someone who wants to meet someone and not just have sex. So I ask you out there: Do you think I am gay? Can you offer places to find quality men? Can you offer advice for dating and finding a boyfriend?

Thanks

Your story sounds like mine except I came the that conclusion a lot sooner. Sounds gay to me. lol

Good news for you is you're only 34. Seems old when you're always the oldest you've ever been, but in this day in age, you're probably only a 3rd of the way through your life. Long time ahead of you.

Good Luck.

[pellaz]

yes your family (gay).

You need to take better care of your self; physically and mentally. You need to get tested, find a free clinic. While you are there ask them for information on transmissions methods, incubation times. If you meet someone its not presuming to ask if they got tested either. There is a series of shots for hepatitis, all this should be free and more confidential than if you got them through your insurance. The clinic has lots of experience to share. suggestion is Denver Metro Health's STD Clinic, 6th av & Bannock.

Mentally
-you need to always feel good about who you are all the time because self love is important if you are going to date someone, share each others lives.
-One night'er sex, dating and relationships are all the same thing so be patient. It is no different than if you were straight so be patient, flexible but dont lower your standards.
-accumulate some gay affirming friends, a girl friend here works well.
-look at joining a gay hiking club, volunteer at the Center in Denver (Colfax & Lafayette). Attend the beer bash at the Wrangler on Sunday (17th and Pennsylvania). Get your self out there.

[BobInTampa]

While you've received some great advice, i'm going to go a different direction.

Ok, it's 2012 and YES, you should start circulating within the gay community (ie: pride events, gay fund raisers, parties, etc.) i DO NOT think you should run away from the fact that you're 35 and just coming out and thus, have little experience.

TRUST ME, being honest about your new life will ATTRACT men who've been where you are and/or guys who see you're "newness" as a refreshing change from guys who've been around the block a few hundred times or are ONLY looking for a sexual event.

If i were you, i'd post my profile on all the mainstream gay sites and just be honest and upfront.

Keep us up to date on your journey!

[72jay]

I can definitely understand/feel some of what you mention

IAt times I've hated myself for having attractions towards guys (this especially used to be true) but those feelings have faded over the past couple years so I'm now more accepting of myself...on this one I think it just takes time for those negative feelings to go away.

Many nights before falling asleep I have laid there and fantasized/daydreamed about having boyfriend..the 'true boyfriend' daydreams/thoughts aren't really about sex but just someone to cuddle/be close with.

I have zero interest in hookups/one-night stands, and believe in getting to know someone before anything...basically 'friends only' which if the right match would lead to 'more than just friends' then 'fall in love' after that and only then maybe sex (I know old fashioned, and probably won't happen, but makes a nice daydream LOL )

I've never been in a relationship of any type (many reasons, not gonna list them here, since I have in other posts) I'll be officially old (ie: 40) later this year...thats probably the point when I give up on any relationship stuff LOL But in all honesty I for me see nothing wrong with remaining single.

As for your questions:

Do you think I am gay?
Can you offer places to find quality men?
Can you offer advice for dating and finding a boyfriend?

Only you can answer the first one, but if you have some attraction towards both women & men (which is kinda the idea I got from your post), then I'd say you are bi.

I have no idea on where to find quality boyfriends, but I think some of the other guys here gave good ideas. Seeing if there is a GLBT center in your city might be a good start (if you feel comfortable going to one). Instead, maybe a hobby-related or sport (depending on your interests) related group?

-look at joining a gay hiking club,

A good idea!
I'm not into hiking, but I've thought about joining a walking club (and have looked in the past - after multiple google'ings am pretty sure none exist.)
It deff can't hurt to get on google(or one of the others) and search for "GLBT (or Gay)" + "hobby/activity/etc . group/club" + "your city"