ceez Wrote:I wish I was that lucky, but I'm very shy and not into the bar/club scene. Plus it's hard to tell if a guy is just being nice or into you, and you dont't know which ones will over react if you ask if they are gay/bi. So now I'm just hoping to have at least one serious relatiomship before I die.
Because it is difficult or maybe felt as rude to ask someone directly about their sexual orientation, one way to curtail this difficulty is not to ask if someone else is gay or bi... which can be embarrassing, but to own it for yourself and state the information that YOU are gay or bisexual, therefore potentially interested if they are too. That way, you don't corner your fellow speaker into an uneasy situation.
Once you've announced that you are, then it gives them the opportunity to come out with their own truth, if they are ready to acknowledge it. I also believe that if they are not gay or bisexual, then they'll feel the necessity to tell you that they are not. Problem settled.
This does take a certain confidence that you can announce who you are and maybe explain why you are engaging the conversation. It is also possible to state that you are looking for friends, and that you prefer friends who are not averse to having gay friends. Telling a complete stranger that you're gay is somewhat easier than telling someone whom you've known for a while and has never suspected that you were.
Of course there are several ways of saying this, which can go from the blunt: "I am gay / bi" to other more subtle ways... for you to find for yourselves.
If you're very subtle, the fellow speaker might engage in a course of questions where he tries to find out who you are. He'll feel you are encouraging him to find out more about you. It's a bit like flirting.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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ur story is simimlar to mine
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72jay Wrote:I am the "never say never" opinion when it comes to finding someone, and do totally believe the "there is someone for everyone" saying, but at the same time I see 40 as old and a time to pretty much give up(probably shouldn't but I do)...
I'm not out (don't wish to be. plus even if I wanted to be, can't due to where I live). I'm also fairly shy and not real good with the whole social interaction thing.
As for going into a gay establishment...Yeah its fear/nervousness...
Part of it is ofcourse the risk on being seen inside, and/or going in. (going alone is another big one)
But also going into a bar when you can't/don't drink, what would you do ?
That all said...I had the same fears/feelings of being seen/going alone on this:
I went to the Pridefest's in Denver and Boulder for the 1st time last year
and those feelings totally went away once I arrived even with tons of people there 
(in reality a risk I shouldn't take, but since I don't live in either city and really wanted to go I did. I also must say did enjoy it)
I see gay establishment vs the above as being different/more scary LOL
Something like Pridefest you can just go walk around/and watch the bands/entertainment/or whatever, and people probly won't even notice you. But in a bar/club I see it as you're allot closer to others, someone might notice you/you might actually have to interact with someone...
(I'm also totally clueless on anything dating/relationship related or even something as simple as being hit on)
Maybe some of my fears are unfounded like they were with attending Pridefest I don't know.
(this spring I went to the the Denver Pridefest again, and the parade too...while cool to see the parade I won't risk again because I almost ended up outing myself to my mother :eek: I'm somewhat tempted to go to Boulder's Pridefest this fall...but deff gotta be carefull) 72jay...
i used to feel the same way.
i started going out to the different scenes because I started feeling like if I dont put myself in any situations to meet other men who are actually INTERESTED in men, then the chances of finding one would be slim to none. Its basically the whole "cant win the lottery if you dont play" theory.
I'm glad to hear that you are happy where you are, but in all honesty, you sound similar to what I've told a lot of friends who dont know about me. I used to tell them all the time that I was happy being single, and that I'm not interested in finding anyone, and that I'm entirely too busy with work or whatever to have time for a relationship. These things were really all untrue, for me anyway, and it took a while for me to finally just admit to myself that I was lying about them.
I had JUST moved here to Colorado before Denver's pride festival and didn't really get to go, but I hope to be able to attend one, someday. I think it's awesome that you did go, because yeah, the larger the crowd, the less likely you are to be noticed. Aside from the that, think of how many gay men show up for that. The chances of meeting someone of interest would be most high at one of the events.
Anyway, not sure where in Colorado you live, but if you ever find yourself in Springs maybe we can grab a drink! lol
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ceez Wrote:I wish I was that lucky, but I'm very shy and not into the bar/club scene. Plus it's hard to tell if a guy is just being nice or into you, and you dont't know which ones will over react if you ask if they are gay/bi. So now I'm just hoping to have at least one serious relatiomship before I die. wow, well i kinda feel the same way, but it sounds so much different when said out loud, lol.
Good luck to us both finding someone!
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Looking for love will be the hardest thing to look for if you go looking for it. So just wait. Who needs a relationship when you have pokemon  jokes. But you know just forgetting about finding someone is usually the best this to do instead of getting raped up in the question 'why can't I find love?'
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Kiid Wrote:Looking for love will be the hardest thing to look for if you go looking for it. So just wait. Who needs a relationship when you have pokemon jokes. But you know just forgetting about finding someone is usually the best this to do instead of getting raped up in the question 'why can't I find love?' that's how i used to always feel...but then others say you cant' wait, you have to make something happen for yourself and not hope it will....im trying to work on a combination of the two, lol
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fr0sty Wrote:that's how i used to always feel...but then others say you cant' wait, you have to make something happen for yourself and not hope it will....im trying to work on a combination of the two, lol
That sounds like an awesome idea. I know what you mean. I think meting new people is always a good idea. I find it is easy to met people through people, but that can be a hard way to met people if you are shy. Take up a hobby where you go places. My going place hobby is going around my country and seeing friends and meting their friends and then I have heaps more friends. It just keeps growing man
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fr0sty Wrote:72jay...
i used to feel the same way.
i started going out to the different scenes because I started feeling like if I dont put myself in any situations to meet other men who are actually INTERESTED in men, then the chances of finding one would be slim to none. Its basically the whole "cant win the lottery if you dont play" theory. LOL on your winning the lottery comment. That is something I'd love even more than a relationship (I don't play it anyway)
Maybe the reason I've taken the few risks I have (like going to a couple pride festivals) is something inside of me saying to atleast get out there alittle bit.
Quote: I'm glad to hear that you are happy where you are, but in all honesty, you sound similar to what I've told a lot of friends who dont know about me. I used to tell them all the time that I was happy being single, and that I'm not interested in finding anyone, and that I'm entirely too busy with work or whatever to have time for a relationship. These things were really all untrue, for me anyway, and it took a while for me to finally just admit to myself that I was lying about them.
I totally get what you are saying here I am fine with being single, but yeah at the same time I'd love to find someone for a relationship (or even just a close-friendship). The thought of relationship also kinda scares me LOL (especially the thought of breakup/heartbreak, that I doubt very much I could handle).
Not counting shyness/etc about me, just due to where I live would also make any channce of relations(of any type) very difficult..thats kind of another story
I really don't know...one side of me thinks I'm totally ok being single -but- yet another side is I daydream all the time about what it'd be like to have a boyfriend (or on rare occasions girlfriend).
Quote: I had JUST moved here to Colorado before Denver's pride festival and didn't really get to go, but I hope to be able to attend one, someday. I think it's awesome that you did go, because yeah, the larger the crowd, the less likely you are to be noticed. Aside from the that, think of how many gay men show up for that. The chances of meeting someone of interest would be most high at one of the events.
Cool.. what do you think of Colorado so far?
Hopefully you weren't near the fire areas earlier this summer :eek:
I can say that there was tons of people at the Denver festival both years I went
Colorado Springs actually has their own pride festival sometime in July (never been so don't know what its like)
Boulder's is mid September this year (went last year, and its much smaller than Denver's) I might go, but I'm also kinda hesitant now...
Quote: Anyway, not sure where in Colorado you live, but if you ever find yourself in Springs maybe we can grab a drink! lol
I'm somewhat near Denver, but outside city limits.
If I'm ever headed to the Springs I will let you know...
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fr0sty Wrote:Kiid Wrote:Looking for love will be the hardest thing to look for if you go looking for it. So just wait. Who needs a relationship when you have pokemon jokes. But you know just forgetting about finding someone is usually the best this to do instead of getting raped up in the question 'why can't I find love?' that's how i used to always feel...but then others say you cant' wait, you have to make something happen for yourself and not hope it will....im trying to work on a combination of the two, lol I'm someone who will just end up waiting (and letting love find me - if that happens) .lol. ...
But fr0sty makes a very good point here too
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72jay
Boulder sounds awesome!!!
so does Denver.
I'd like to check out both...i'm a little over being seen myself, i'm to the point where i kinda wanna be seen, you know? i wanna be seen by a potential interest. idk, i'm probably not making much sense right now cuz i've been drinking but i'm not asking for anything more than not being alone all the time.
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