My turn on the Psychologist Couch

[nikgee]

Let me try this again. It may seem a bit laughable at the struggle I have put myself through to get to where I am today. I feel I have made huge steps forward. Coming to the point of hooking up with this site and starting to talk issues is huge for me. I'm not totally sure what I want to hear.Maybe some other voices bouncing around in my brain besides just mine.. Some second opinions. okay a little more info...59yrs old, closeted,and minimal experience several years back. If anyone is up for the challenge I'd like to hear from you. I am all ears

[nikgee]

54 views and not 1 comment If I was to say I'm not disappointed I would be lying. It took a lot for me to open up that far. Who know when or if it will happen again.

[TryingNewThing]

Can you be more explicit about what exactly this "problem" is?

[LateBloomer]

Certainly no shortage of opinions around here.



But a little more background would be helpful.

What in the world have you been doing for 59 years? I understand there was a little experimentation earlier. You could start there...

...or somewhere else.

[Blue]

I don't know what issues you feel you need or want to work on but, I've worked through a few bucket loads of them myself. I've got good ears, and can share my experiences if they come close to anything you want to talk about, or give my opinion on stuff. I'm no expert in issues, or much of anything except what works for me but I can try

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Let me try this again. It may seem a bit laughable at the struggle I have put myself through to get to where I am today. I feel I have made huge steps forward. Coming to the point of hooking up with this site and starting to talk issues is huge for me. I'm not totally sure what I want to hear.Maybe some other voices bouncing around in my brain besides just mine.. Some second opinions. okay a little more info...59yrs old, closeted,and minimal experience several years back. If anyone is up for the challenge I'd like to hear from you. I am all ears

Hmm. Well let me pull out the crystal ball and find the question then the answer. One moment please.

Right. Seems to me you are having problems with your dog. Don't worry she's doing fine.... Oh Wait that is not you. Let me try again (Huge crack on this ball, it gets fuzzy reception) :tongue:

So you are 59, have hidden in a closet for 55 of those years (discounting your recent and not so recent dalliances and allowing for the roaming eye). Finally you have come to terms that women ain't really up your ally, thus now you are suddenly trying to revisit the past, oh 30 years or so of past, trying to redo all of these things you call 'mistakes'.

Well for one, none of them were really mistakes. They were life lessons and did mold and make you into the wonderful human being you are today. Yeah sure you ended up hurting a bit, but no school lesson is without its particular pains.

Secondly, you can't go back and have do overs. Sorry humans are ill-designed for time travel. We elves on the other hand.... You have today (sorry tomorrow is not promised to anyone) and you can only make do with today.

Honestly you are doing better than many others. You are financially stable, you have done the career thing, banged out a lot of the other details of life I think the word I'm looking for here is stable.

There are guys who like stable guys - no - love stable guys. Yes even younger guys love stable guys. Younger, not the 20 something year old kids who are looking for a daddy to take care of them while they go out having lots of fun with the boys. I'm talking 30-50 year olds who have an idea of who and what they are in life and want a man who is more experienced in the ways of the real world (not just sex) and who have a good idea what life is all about.

No doubt you are are scared and excited at the chances that being an open gay man brings with them - and both do exist.

I know of a man who was 65 when he decided to drop the pretense. Of course it was easier for him, his wife passed on from cancer. Well I guess 'easier' isn't the right word.

He managed to not only find a young man (40-45 years old) he also managed to spend those retirement years doing things he really wanted to do with a stable partner which included move into a new house with a garden, take long vacations/trips and do other mundane stuff with his 'husband' such as sit on the couch with his husband in his arms.

Yes the first year he tried the whole 'recapture my youth by stalking children (20 something year olds) but it dawned on him pretty early that all that dancing, alcohol, drug use and 'stuff' that the 20 something crowd does wasn't his cup of tea. He realized he needed a stable man.

Eventually you will find what you are looking for (you know what that is). But you are going to have to take some risks and be open and honest to yourself (above all else) and focus on what you need in life, not what you want or think you have missed out on.

You'll be ok.

[matty7]

hi there, i think Bowyn Aerrow converd plenty of things with the amount if info u have shared so not sure what to add apart from giving support if i can - like to here more about your life and how things are goin though if u want to post more

[LateBloomer]

Yup BA nailed it as usual.

Reminded me of one of my favorite sayings: Every day is a new day.

Every day is another opportunity to make a change.

We are literally born again each morning.

[nikgee]

Hmm. Well let me pull out the crystal ball and find the question then the answer. One moment please.

Right. Seems to me you are having problems with your dog. Don't worry she's doing fine.... Oh Wait that is not you. Let me try again (Huge crack on this ball, it gets fuzzy reception) :tongue:

So you are 59, have hidden in a closet for 55 of those years (discounting your recent and not so recent dalliances and allowing for the roaming eye). Finally you have come to terms that women ain't really up your ally, thus now you are suddenly trying to revisit the past, oh 30 years or so of past, trying to redo all of these things you call 'mistakes'.

Well for one, none of them were really mistakes. They were life lessons and did mold and make you into the wonderful human being you are today. Yeah sure you ended up hurting a bit, but no school lesson is without its particular pains.

Secondly, you can't go back and have do overs. Sorry humans are ill-designed for time travel. We elves on the other hand.... You have today (sorry tomorrow is not promised to anyone) and you can only make do with today.

Honestly you are doing better than many others. You are financially stable, you have done the career thing, banged out a lot of the other details of life I think the word I'm looking for here is stable.

There are guys who like stable guys - no - love stable guys. Yes even younger guys love stable guys. Younger, not the 20 something year old kids who are looking for a daddy to take care of them while they go out having lots of fun with the boys. I'm talking 30-50 year olds who have an idea of who and what they are in life and want a man who is more experienced in the ways of the real world (not just sex) and who have a good idea what life is all about.

No doubt you are are scared and excited at the chances that being an open gay man brings with them - and both do exist.

I know of a man who was 65 when he decided to drop the pretense. Of course it was easier for him, his wife passed on from cancer. Well I guess 'easier' isn't the right word.

He managed to not only find a young man (40-45 years old) he also managed to spend those retirement years doing things he really wanted to do with a stable partner which included move into a new house with a garden, take long vacations/trips and do other mundane stuff with his 'husband' such as sit on the couch with his husband in his arms.

Yes the first year he tried the whole 'recapture my youth by stalking children (20 something year olds) but it dawned on him pretty early that all that dancing, alcohol, drug use and 'stuff' that the 20 something crowd does wasn't his cup of tea. He realized he needed a stable man.

Eventually you will find what you are looking for (you know what that is). But you are going to have to take some risks and be open and honest to yourself (above all else) and focus on what you need in life, not what you want or think you have missed out on.

You'll be ok.

You did nail it on a number of points. Oh, thank you for taking the time. Your comment are spot on. I know them and have shared them with others. It feels strange hearing the words directed at me. I really needed to hear it. There was only one area that doesn't quite fit.Sorry I don't mean to question your crystal balls. It was the part about me looking back to the past with regrets. Usually my reminiscing brings to mind , it's been one hell of a ride. Growing up in the 60's was like parting like a rock star before the term was made popular. It was fun . Ireally miss it.I can't even come close to playing like that any more. Anyway.I do thank you for your time and words. You've helped more than you think. What do you think should be the title of this next chapter of my this is your life journal, time is relative, but it goes on with or without you. Or how about, while fighting back the aging man's advances I clashed with my true self emerging.

[nikgee]

Yup BA nailed it as usual.

Reminded me of one of my favorite sayings: Every day is a new day.

Every day is another opportunity to make a change.

We are literally born again each morning.

A worthy statement, from a Taurus to another Taurus. thanks.