Gay and married looking for advice from experience

[pellaz]

we are talking about gay men who married, maybe now have children.

Today is different; its a good ( better time ) to be gay.
For the last generation there was a lot of social pressure to marry and have children. Stable gay relationships were un common, they just could not exist. If you wanted a stable relationship, a supportive structure around you, it was a straight one.

-far less was known about being gay
-it was a psychiatric disease in the 70's, it you were around for that
-even now to some extent it is against the "laws" of the hood and christianity

[nfisher1226]

I got married at 18 and was a father by 19. After a while, it really was a gradual thing, we both came to terms with being bisexual. I guess it helps that she has some frame of reference. But where she now has a committed heterosexual relationship and occasional female lovers I pretty much identify as gay now.

Everyone's situation is a little bit different, but I firmly believe that being dishonest with yourself and/or those who are close to you is an unhealthy and unmaintainable way to live. If you're attracted to men, or male parts, or whatever the case may be it's probably not going to ever go away. Learn to accept yourself, all of yourself, and you will be stronger for it.

You can't ever know for certain how any person in your life is going to react to your coming out, whatever that may entail for you. But in my experience at this point it feels better to be able to be yourself around those you care about, and you may well be pleasantly surprised at how accepting others can be. There will probably be some hard times along the way, too, but the longer you "live a lie" the longer you will be living an unhappy life. My advice is to do yourself a favor and start building the life you really want now, even if you can only take baby steps at first.

[Gizzie]

I think the important thing, and you mentioned this yourself, is that you are hurting your wife and she doesn't know why you do not love her the way she expect you to.
If you can at least explain this to her, maybe you and your wife can work things out with minimal impact on the kids.

Although I have had no experience in this situation, I think since all parents as humans, they have " screwed up" their kids in alone way or another. In your case you happened to be gay, but others are mentally or physically ill, keep cheating on the wife etc etc.
So don't beat yourself up over it.

[archubbycub]

Brandon

I am going through the same thing right now myself, struggling with my sexuality and being married with kids. It's tough I know. But I've gotten a lot of good advice so far on here. Hang in there.

[Motodude]

I've gone through much the same thing.

4 years ago I realized that our marriage was finished, there was nothing left in it and we were basically roommates that didn't get along. I had a big decision in the "stay together for the kid" thing. A lot of research I did indicated this was not a good idea. Later on, I also talked with a kid that I know and he said, "oh my dad says he stayed for the kids and now I blame myself for his unhappiness. I know he's miserable and it's my fault." I made the decision to leave because the relationship was done, and when thinking about what to do with my life the self acceptance finally hit.

So basically I completely ripped apart my life and have rebuilt it. I'm out to everyone, my kid is fine with it, I'm happier, my ex is happier, and my kid lives in two households that are probably filled with a lot less tension and misery than before. It's a very difficult, emotional, exciting and draining process but the end result for me at least has been worth it.

[archubbycub]

WOW!! Brandon you and I are in the exact same boat. I don't want to scare you, because I'm sure it's different in each situation, but I just recently told my wife about my sexuality. As in within the past week. I'm going through a lot still, mainly because my wife is refusing to let go, but brother I feel your pain. I've been married for almost 13 years and have two boys, but I've struggled with my sexuality since I was 14. Just stay strong and find someone to talk to. There are a lot of awesome people on here with really good advice.

[Beaux]

[quote=Perplex]@BrandonBrown :

My Dear u have ruined the life of ur kids


What a stupid thing to say...completely baseless and hurtful, shame on you!v:mad: