I've been living with a roommate for a few years now, and we aren't particularly close to each other (maybe because we are both introverted). But recently, I believe he may be gay or bi (like me) and perhaps hooking up may be a good idea.
Due to my psychological issues (anxiety, depression etc...) I haven't had any sex (gay or straight) for about five years now (and before that I had only one long-term straight romance & one brief gay encounter). So I am not somebody for whom these things come easy. And my roommate, who is almost a decade younger (around 20 I think), probably is not a person who can initiate these sort of things either.
Besides sexual lust, I have a more practical problem here:
(1) If I initiate, and my roommate proves to not want it (or not be gay/bi) then he may move out from being offended .
(2) If I don't initiate, my roommate, due to the sexual frustration may find another guy to share the house with.
So it's a classic catch 22 scenario for me: I may lose my roommate whether I do or don't do something.
Now is the fact that he walked into my room in his underwear once, under the pretext of petting one of my cats, suggests he may want to hook up? (Or other instances were we mutually pet cats) How in the world do I found out, without committing an unforgivable faux pas ?! Any indirect ways of probing ?
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First, does he know you are bi? If so it's just a matter of asking point blank. If not maybe you could ask him if there is some reason he isn't dating, thus opening the door for him to talk with you about it.
Nothing wrong with roommates discussing dating in general terms, not as if you want to date him, just who your ideal date would be.
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Well, I think his brother (my former roommate) knows it, and perhaps told him. He, also may figure this out from the fact that I don't date.
Now my roommate may or may not date somebody else, but he sleeps over at some places now & then. (Perhaps they are just playing video game there, I don't know).
My roommate, has a very sensitive personality, and if I ask him point blank if or if he is not dating he is probably going to get offended. And we never discuss anything intimate. In fact, in the rare times we discuss we talk about cats, or some other impersonal things.
P.S.
I was wondering if gay people still wear special handkerchiefs (I've seen in a movie) to signal they want to hook up, perhaps if he's gay I can buy myself one of those handkerchief and walk with it around the house, and if he sees it, & really gay/bi, he'll get the message.
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Honestly, a lot of the younger generation doesn't even know the hanky code. If you wanted him to learn it or see if he knew it, just research it yourself and, let him see you learning it, ask him if he thinks it makes sense, if he knew different handkerchiefs used to mean different sexual things. Then ask him what colors he'd put where if he were going someplace that used the code.
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Assuming your roommate is of legal drinking age, I'd simply open a bottle of something, maybe while I was cooking, and invite him to partake.
Food, light drinking, casual conversation. It's very stimulating and sensual and offers an opportunity for, you know, male bonding...psychological and otherwise...
Good luck.
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Yeah, I don't think he can drink.
But do you think when he tries to bond with my cats in my presence, he gives some kind of message. Or, considering he loves cats, bonding with cats, may just mean that.
How about dressing up & walking around in pajamas, is this a signal ? Or when he dressed up in a new t-shirt around the house, did he wanted me to pay attention to him?
Are there any suggestive ways I should get dressed ? Is wearing spandex underwear around the house supposed to be suggestive ?
Like if I were buy ExOfficio Men's Give-N-Go Boxer, (which color should I get blue?) and wear these around the house, will he get the message, or think I was weird ?
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Sade Wrote:Yeah, I don't think he can drink.
But do you think when he tries to bond with my cats in my presence, he gives some kind of message. Or, considering he loves cats, bonding with cats, may just mean that.
How about dressing up & walking around in pajamas, is this a signal ? Or when he dressed up in a new t-shirt around the house, did he wanted me to pay attention to him?
Are there any suggestive ways I should get dressed ? Is wearing spandex underwear around the house supposed to be suggestive ?
Well, even food and cooking without adult beverages is still pretty sensual and stimulating. It's just that the alcohol will help lubricate the conversation especially with two introverts. So don't rule it out completely just because he can't drink.
I would rely more on the experience of sharing a meal and coming together like that than the possibility of (mis)interpreting his activity with your cat or his clothing choice.
Rather than looking for and/or sending mixed signals, why not try to connect on a real genuine level.
In other words, TAKE THE RISK!
Let him know how you feel. If you end up losing a roommate over it, oh well, go find another roommate. The economy sucks, tons of them out there.
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LateBloomer Wrote:Well, even food and cooking without adult beverages is still pretty sensual and stimulating. It's just that the alcohol will help lubricate the conversation especially with two introverts. So don't rule it out completely just because he can't drink.
I would rely more on the experience of sharing a meal and coming together like that than the possibility of (mis)interpreting his activity with your cat or his clothing choice.
Rather than looking for and/or sending mixed signals, why not try to connect on a real genuine level.
In other words, TAKE THE RISK!
Let him know how you feel. If you end up losing a roommate over it, oh well, go find another roommate. The economy sucks, tons of them out there.
Well, he's more of a cook, so I assume if he wanted to had connected he would had invited me to taste his cooking. So perhaps he's not just that into me (or into guys). How do I tell somebody is into you with gay people, or if somebody is into men ? Is there a telltale sign ?
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Maybe he's not into you...
Or maybe he's just shy.
How do I know a guy is interested in me? Usually there is sustained eye contact and friendly smiles.
Everything else is basically a guess.
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Age: Around 20 I think....
Seriously? You two have lived in the same space for a couple of years and you have no idea how old he is?
I think what we have here is a failure to communicate. Serious failure.
I think he may be interested in talking with you (at you, to you whatever) but that doesn't mean he is interested in your bedroom or bed. He may be trying to be a friend (only).
Since you two seem to have talked about so little, maybe now you should start showing interest in him - as a friend, not as a bed-buddy or whatever.
Get to know him and let him get to know you. I mean honestly if he has lived with you for a couple of years and you haven't attended his birthday parties and got a basic clue by counting candles, then this has not been a very friendly relationship.
After you get to know him, then let him in that you are bi - You don't have to just walk up and say 'Hi, my name is _____________, I'm bi!' - but do discuss those things that clue anyone in, such as men you find interesting, your past with relationships.
No, not on the first talking session.
As for dinner - if you cook then cook for him as a 'treat', as a way to opening the doors to getting to know your roommate after all of these years.
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