Confused, scared, and in need of advice!

[archubbycub]

Ok so when am I not confused and scared? But there has been something on my mind here lately and I need some advice. See the thing is, I'm not sure that my boyfriend is my first experience with a guy. And I know that sounds weird, by please hear me out.

Back when I was around 13 or 14 years old, I had a step cousin that I sort of "fooled around with." Nothing big, mainly just fondling and a couple of "blow jobs" once or twice. To be honest, I'm not even sure my step cousin returned the favor. It was in the dark and we were kids not even knowing what we were doing.

I've heard this is "normal" for kids that age and all but would you consider that gay? I want to be up front and honest with my boyfriend because I love him so much. And so far he has been up front and honest with me about everything and everything I've told him he has been open and understanding about it. But I'm scared he'll think I've been lying to him this whole time.

I don't even know how to tell him this or if I should. I open us both to be open and honest. No secrets at all, but I don't want to hurt him in anyway. I haven't even seen this step cousin since his mother and my Uncle divorced back in the early 90s. What should I do?

[Blue]

I'd just tell him like you've posted it here. Personally I take it as normal kid's stuff at that age, but yes, also you exploring your sexuality, seeing if gay fit you.

I don't think it's a big deal as far as how I'd feel if my partner told me something like that. I'd be glad he was sharing something personal, it shows trust.

[archubbycub]

Thank you Blue! I don't even know why this has been on my mind so much lately. Sometimes I feel like I have so much emotional baggage that I'm dragging along with me that I'll never get it all unpacked.

[Rainbowmum]

Sweetie all you did was explore your sexuality as a young one.
Nothing to worry about.

[Blue]

You aren't the only one with a truckload or two of baggage around here It'll get unpacked at the right time, with the right support around you.

[archubbycub]

Thank you both so much. My boyfriend is in rehearsals for the play he's in but I text him and asked him to call me as soon as he can. I'd much rather tell him face to face but since he's 45 minutes away right now I guess over the phone is the next best thing. Now that I've cleared my head and got my thoughts together I really think this will go better than I initially thought. He's told me on more than one occasion that he wants to help me unpack all my baggage a little at a time. And I was able to tell him about something that may have happened to me when I was younger. I don't have any proof that it happened, just brief memories and flashbacks so I can't really say more about it at this time. But he listened to me and held me and just let me cry until I got it all out! He's so sweet an understanding and I'm really lucky to have him right now!

[outthecloset]

Well if you have waited this long and wanted to tell him face to face, just wait.

[TryingNewThing]

@archub: I know you're a good guy and I'm glad you've found someone who is sincere and can understand you well. You should tell him if you feel you can trust him. Don't worry about what he thinks of you. If something as small as innocent "adolescent incest" (sry, idk how else to put it lol) that happened decades ago bothers him so much, you might wanna reconsider if he's the right guy in the first place

[archubbycub]

Well if you have waited this long and wanted to tell him face to face, just wait.

That's just it, I don't know if I can wait! It's eating me up inside.

[archubbycub]

@archub: I know you're a good guy and I'm glad you've found someone who is sincere and can understand you well. You should tell him if you feel you can trust him. Don't worry about what he thinks of you. If something as small as innocent "adolescent incest" (sry, idk how else to put it lol) that happened decades ago bothers him so much, you might wanna reconsider if he's the right guy in the first place

Never thought of it that way, but you know the state motto of Arkansas is "Incest is best relatively speaking!" LOL