advice dealing with depression

[ReDsNoW]

So....... I live with depression some days are are alright being tolerable. Others are completely unbearable. I got so much hurt inside I've been through so much.
I get this feeling of despair most of the time i feel completely worthless. when i triggers get a feeling of deep hurt as I'm defective like I'm flawed somehow. It builds up to the point where it's completely unbearable and I have turn to what are my vices of dealing with. would rather not say how it's embarrassing on how i deal with it. Best way i can put it is it's not drugs or alcohol never been a fan of either one. I just want some advice on how to deal with it. I don't wanna feel like this anymore I just wanna be able to function like everybody else.

[Rainbowmum]

We all have down days , but what you are describing is far more complex.
Have you thought about getting some professional help?
They can give you tools to help you deal with the negativity, that is leading to depression and substance abuse,

Right now you may think your vices are easing things ,but they are not helping , they are suppressing.
Not dealing with the pain will not make it go away.

Sooner or later you will have to deal with it , if you seek professional help at least you will have the tools to help you.

We are all here for you.

[Blue]

It really sounds like you need to see a therapist. I'm not a big fan of anti depressants so, I'd recommend a holistic or naturopathic therapist first, even a counselor or psychologist before a psychiatrist.

There are programs that will help you pay for therapy, and if nothing else, you can go through the local heath department. Do what you need to do to see one. I really think you need professional help to learn the tools and mentality that will help you deal with it more effectively and, in a healthy manner.

[ChadCoxRox]

Hi ReDsNoW and welcome to GS. You do not give enough information for me to give sound advice. I can only say you should not be alone with your whole situation (all three sides and the truth too), and you do not have to be. If you will trust at least one other person with the whole of you, this will be a step in the right direction. No one has to suffer alone, but so many do.

Whether it's professional help or not, you need to be totally open with someone. If it is someone professional you have more confidence of your confidentiality being protected. It can still be anonymous!!! Locate the number for a crisis hot line, even if it is the wrong one, call it and tell someone who has no way of knowing who you are and see what happens.

In my area each county has a toll free number that can be called to speak with someone openly without fear of reprisals. I hope you'll find someone. I hope you'll know that if you need someone, we are all here. Right here. We are not perfect. We all have terrible stuff in our lives past, present and/or future. We all want to support each other together to find peace and happiness.

I hope you will join in!

[Pix]

While I have bad days I'm not prone to depression like most people and after I thought about why that may be I detailed my thoughts here:

http://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?t=19152

Hopefully you can find something useful there.

Of course our thoughts are habits and habits are hard to break so it takes time and effort, something that's hard to do when feeling depressed, but I do know people who have faced their "dark night of the soul" and become stronger for it by working on themselves.

Some say depression is a chemical imbalance. That may be but that doesn't mean the chemical imbalance causes the depression, it could be the reverse (or to put it very simply, perhaps it's prolonged depression that affects the brain and creates the imbalance, but the problem is in how one thinks rather than one's brain chemistry causing the depression). I do know that the diagnosis is sometimes given out very irresponsibly, as are the treatments (I suspect drug companies give some doctors kickbacks for prescribing meds).

Heck, someone I'm close to was given depression meds when it turned out she was bipolar (and depression meds on someone bipolar exacerbates their condition so their happy phase is like ecstasy while their depression phase becomes despair, sometimes suicidal and psychotic despair), and that's pretty common...whether it's corruption peddling drugs for kickbacks or incompetence isn't something I can say. But in any case doctors should be treated very cautiously. Experts are wrong all the kind and I understand most deaths that occur in hospitals (which are a lot more than many people realize, they're very dangerous places) is because of messing up in deciding what drugs to prescribe to a patient.

That said, meds do help some people.

OTOH, I've heard of too many who said the drugs destroy the happy chemicals in the brain in the long run so that while it (sometimes) works for a few months or so they then need more of the same to get the same effect and eventually their brain can't produce anymore at all and so they crash and burn. The most extreme example was when I was impressed how easy going and happy an entire staff at a video store was, but within a few months none of them were working there anymore (if they'd been using illegal drugs instead of prescribed drugs some would say there was a lesson to be learned here...) and a friend of mine who was going to medical school did find depression meds helped her, but she wasn't able to study so she had to go off the meds in order to pass her classes (she also said she tried cocaine and while that had other problems she was still able to pass her classes and keep her sex drive). And I can't help but notice how many depression meds describe depression as possible side effects! (That would be like cold medicine describing coughing & sneezing as possible side effects, I really don't know how it is these sell.)

But I do wish you the best.

[fenris]

I think it is very important to change your thoughts if you feel the depressions start... think " not now" and start to do something with your brain or with your hands.
I´m not a friend of drugs against depressions... Ok .. if you are in danger of a suicide you can´t choose another way.... but if you just feel down... hear music, watch a movie, read a book, start cooking, learn to knit or to crochet or play something.... thats always better as to take some medications.
As my fms starts I had a very hard time with depressions.... got a bunch of medications... and nothing worked really good. My opinion is that a pill which not work I have not to use... so I start with other things ... and my psychologist said last year that I´m much more stabile like many people who take pills against depressions....
Work with your brain... work with you hands.... force your brain to work.... I startet art-crochet... it force your brain, your hands.... and you can sell your work and buy something nice for yourself... maybe spend a few holidays... and so on.
Same with sleepings pills ... I can´t sleep since more then 12 years ( just 2 - 3 hours a night )...Ok... you can take sleepings pills in such cases ... but... you feel bad and tired the next day.... so I stay awake... and do what my body wants ... and it is OK.....
Before you take medications try other things ...

[watkins]

I´m not a friend of drugs against depression.

Neither am I!

You need to address what it is that is making you depressed, and maybe seek some help because often it is a mind set thing.

Have you thought about getting some professional help?
They can give you tools to help you deal with the negativity, that is leading to depression and substance abuse,

Right now you may think your vices are easing things ,but they are not helping , they are suppressing.
Not dealing with the pain will not make it go away.

I have previously been in some dark places and really hesitated to get professional help as I found it pretty darn intimidating! I live in London and went to a gay workshop that helped address confidence issues that I was having. I also confided in some of my friends for help. If you want to get medical help you might want to see a psychologist that will help figure out some of your issues in a very structured way.

My one piece of advice from experience is that you will look bakc on this period and think, jesus life can be shit but I managed to get myself into a real mess there. You wont let it happen again and will make necessary changes to your lifestyle to really enjoy your time. Hope it gets better, I really do. Dont be afraid to ask people for help because they are not going to shun you for doing so!:biggrin:

[Nick9]

Hi ReDsNoW,
your feelings sound so familiar... Two things helped me to get over the worst attacks - writing and my online friends.
If you never tried writing, don't let it intimidate you. Nobody needs to read it. It helped me to create two characters - one depressed and one who would help. I didn't do it on purpose, it sort of happened during the writing.

The biggest help though were my friends who were willing to PM with me anytime during day or night.
If you don't have anyone like this, come to GS and ask for a hug. It's not a shame to feel down and ask for help

[chillythoughts]

Hello redsnow, Ive been suffering from depression for almost 20 years now, ways I deal with depression I do not recommend. However, I see a therapist and a psychiatrist to help me through but those I still dont believe in, sometimes they make me feel worst about myself. Do you have any trustworthy friends you can confide in? or even a family member? I recently disappeared for 3 weeks cause of a severe depression attack. Admitting yourself to a hospital is only a temporary relief, they cant help you anymore once your released. Like nick said, have you tried writing? Ive found that writing is a good stress and depressive relief for me at times cause I can write about what I'm going through and in the future I can read it and when I go through another depression state, I can read it and see if the depression is the same and if it is, I can do the same thing I did before to get out of the depression... this really works. Should give it a try.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Go to a therapist not a psychiatrist, a psychologist. Get a proper diagnoses BEFORE you allow anyone to throw you on drugs.

"Dealing with" depression varies from individual to individual. For me, I do 'constructive' things - things that help pull my mind away from the emotions, such as I build stuff, more of late I do thinks like construct 'stuff' with Google Sketch-up.

I get my mind absorbed in a task in order to unfocused from the feelings.

Meditation is good - there are lots of methods to approach meditation.

Writing is good - not so much writing how you feel, but writing things like poems or short stories where you can explore the emotion a little.

If you have triggers, things that throw you into the dump, then you need to identify those and work on learning to identify when a trigger is being set off so you can use your rational brain to lessen the impact.

Therapists can also give you other tools that you can use. What tools? That depends on you and the source of your melancholia.