problem with my best friends

[reverbs33]

Hey there,
I'm a gay guy and I have a straight friend who's also a guy and another one who's a girl. Anyways, the two of them have recently seemed to be getting a lot closer, and talk a lot without me around and it gets kinda awkward even when I approach them, and whenever she's talking its generally towards him when I'm around too.

For years she's been saying how good looking she thinks my my other friend is and that he's her "type" and a bunch of other stuff along those lines. Then last week when we were both drunk, my friend said that he pretty much loved her and that he felt bad cause he felt it would interfere with our friendship as well. I was honestly heartbroken, and I didn't feel like I could be around either of them ever again. What is more awkward is that we all also live together as well.

I don't know what to do. I understand that its not really my business, but I can't help but feel shitty about the whole thing. It kinda makes me feel left out and stuff. She definitely just respects him more as not only a "friend" or whatever, but also a person too.

I feel like maybe their doing "stuff" with each other when I'm not around. It just all makes sense considering what they've said, and the thought of it makes me feel down now. Even if their not doing stuff together, I mean the whole reason that either of them is friends with each other is due to some attraction outside of actual friendship. And it really shows.

When he told me about it he also said he loved me and our friendship and how important I am to him, and how he has no one else but me essentially and it would really hurt him if I stopped being friends with him. He also said that he would never be able to get over it if that's what I did. It's nice to hear him say that but at the same time I don't want to feel like this anymore.

What do I do? I'm really confused

[LateBloomer]

I'll tell you what you need. A boyfriend.



It sucks being the Third Wheel. I know. I was single for most of my life. I spent nearly my whole adult life as the Third Wheel.

Well, there are times to be alone, and there are times to go out and find a partner.

You need a partner.

You can still keep your friends, but having a partner for you will even out the dynamics of your friendships.

In the meantime, try to be happy for them, but I understand how it feels when it seems like your support group is growing away (or at least in a different direction) from you.

Best wishes.

[Zennyboy]

Man i used to be in this position along time ago, ended up playing match maker for alot of my friends.

However i do have a bad experience with what i thought was the bestest friend i could ever have in the world. We even made promises that though he was straight and i was gay, we would never let a girl or boy get between our friendship, we would move into a place together when we got out of our parents, and we would have a right laugh together as we were two peas in a pod, both as crazy and insane as one another.

Safe to say it didnt quiet go according to plan.

Anyways i have a couple of best friends now, i learnt yes you can have more than one.

But being a third wheel is no fun, but like my gay best friend who i got onto this forum as well, you do need to put yourself out there, show yourself off too, sitting and waiting wont get your anywhere *you hear me, you know who im talking about if your following my posts!*

The main problem now days, people who want to be in relationships are scared because normally when they find someone they like, they are taken, or in our case tend to be straight or something.

I was lucky, VERY lucky, i met my fiancè at work, one day i heard a new manager was starting where i worked and he was gay, and i was so far in the closet i couldnt see the light, but he started talking to me, made me feel confident, and brought me out, now im loud *very loud* and proud of who i am.

So be happy for your friends, but dont sit by because watching them will break your heart and start to cause ill feelings, hell you never know, the guy for you might be closer than you think.

If you want anyone to talk to, i have plenty of spare time on my hands &^.^

[pellaz]

not uncommon for gay man to be attracted to hag girls. This is a excellent relationship and both can benefit.

If you have romantic feelings for your gay friend you need to express them and date/ have a relationship. Other wise his life choices are his to make and you as a friend can choose to support him.

Sexuality is fluid and the gay friend is somewhat or totally bi? You are not and cant follow him. As posted above you need the BF to complete your life. Yes they are difficult to find and dont grow on trees but no reason to be lazy about it.

ck out the 2011 UK tv series "Threesome"

[Corsac]

I don't think theres anything that you need to do personally, although with you all being in the same house I can understand how it would feel to be left out. You're guy friend does sound like he really appreciates you as his friend though, almost to the extent that he sounds like family from your description, you won't get many friends who tell you stuff like he did especially straight ones saying they love you.

If things really happen between them then just be happy for them, they will have the "honeymoon period" though where they want to spend all their time with the other one though so there could be more of this to come from what you've said. If a relationship doesn't come of this, all you need to do is be a neutral partner within the household and be as best friends with them as possible.

I don't think there is a problem as such, it just sounds like you were all close friends and them possibly getting together means that they're going to be spending more time together and you're quite possibly afraid that you won't hang out with them often. People do tend to distance themselves somewhat from others when situations like this come up. Maybe there are other friends that you can hang out with at times when your housemates are spending time together, sometimes a wider circle of friends is needed to fill the gaps. mile:

But being a third wheel is no fun, but like my gay best friend who i got onto this forum as well, you do need to put yourself out there, show yourself off too, sitting and waiting wont get your anywhere *you hear me, you know who im talking about if your following my posts!*

Ahem....I found the forum and told you about it, you just happened to sign up first. And I've told you before I'm not looking for anyone at the moment as much as I would love to have someone. :tongue:

[Zennyboy]

I have no idea what your talking about *plays with a nearby pebble*

[Rainbowmum]

Sweetie it's time to find some other friends or a boyfriend.
Naturally things are going to change in the friendship , but them getting together should not be a reason to dump him as a friend.

Get over this , start living your life again , get out there.

[ManicReptile21]

Welp firstly, you haven't claimed you have any feelings for him. so that makes things sooooooo much easier. Listen. Friendships dont tear unless you actually tear them. Other than they they just get worn and dirty. You dont have to stop being friends with him. But you are also indirectly being isolated from your own inner circle. Technically the circle is broken. So you in turn are going to experiance lonliness. find a new friend, it doesnt even have to be a boyfriend. Pull out your "how to make friends book." Because if things dont go well for those two. They will split apart like magnets and you will be caught in the center and may possibly explode from the pressure if both friends have equal influence on you. Your filter will be a new friend. This isn't your fault, But you unfortunetely have to deal with it this way. Because you are now recieveing unwanted stress and emotions from something that doesnt even involve you directly. A new friend is what you need, and a little smile too.

[Zennyboy]

Its the feelings that makes this thing hardest. Being close to a friend, not let alone two and then the feeling of being left out, hurts your heart in a way that borderlines heart break on a lovers term.

The thing is, they might end up spending less time with you, because of them wanting to be together (Might sound heartless, but lying wont help either)

I had to come to terms with this sort of thing before myself, but my friend hasnt left my life completely, i still text him, talk to him online and occasionally get to go over to his and spend time with him, even if it means i have to help him out with countless house jobs and stuff.

But i made new friends, and now i find myself juggling between them all, and its the way to help us deal with it, is to make new friends and hold on to the old ones, before you know it you nearly got a possey and you want all of them to meet.

what they say below is true, make new friends, get out there again, make yourself available, its amazing how sitting down and talking to someone on skype can help so much as well &^.^ but never forget to hold on to your existing friends even if they spend less time with you, because they are afterall the people who have influenced you into the person you are today &^.^

[behrens2001]

oh man i feel you. I was in your position before as well. And my situation is worse: i was so into the guy...but everybody thought i was so into the girl..and neither of them told me they had been dating until i found it out myself..