Advice on Coming out

[Lunar]

I went to a reunion at a local bar/club for UMASS students/gratuates last night. Before that I met up with a few friends from my graduating class. I sure missed them.

At the club it became clear to me that I was the only one in the group that still hasn't found someone that I can call my partner. Most of my friends are dating or seeing someone, and sometimes I feel a bit left out. I keep telling myself that my time will come. But then I question myself. If I'm not actively seeking or pursuing, how will that opportunity present itself?

My biggest dilemma is the fact that my friends are unaware of my sexuality. I simply don't feel comfortable presenting the topic unless it's directly brought up. But, if they never suspect then how or why would they ask? This may seem like a silly dilemma but I can feel it deep down inside me. A constant nagging, a desire to be liberated from this burden of holding something like this in.

I've had this discussion with a close friend of mine. She's aware of this conflicting struggle that I have with myself. I want to come out but I don't want to turn it into a big deal. It simpy goes against my inner principle.

I was hoping someone could give some input on the matter. I know ultimately I have to make the decision of bringing up the topic myself or waiting for the moment to present itself. Is patience the answer?

[pellaz]

... I want to come out but I don't want to turn it into a big deal ...

-you dont need to be out to find a boy friend
-only come out if its in your favor to do so and it is what you want to do
-a partner will not complete your life or make you love your self more.

dont know your personal situation but being gay today is not a big deal. Tell your friends and you might loose some, but many people just dont care. They want you to be happy if they are true friends not acquaintances.

[Blue]

It will only be a big deal if you make it a big deal. Something along the lines of "No big deal but, I'm sick of hiding something. I'm gay." would work with friends. Then go on and be the same old you, acknowledge it, admit it if the topic comes up, but just be you. It isn't a big deal to them if it isn't to you.

[Corsac]

My advice is to come out when you're ready and comfortable to do it and don't let anyone or their social circumstances push you to do so. Don't measure yourself upto them either because you don't lead the same life as they do, whether they be gay or straight. Any friends who don't like it aren't friends at all because they should be friends regardless of your sexuality.

Coming out will be a big deal if you let it be, if you just carry on without making coming out seem like an event then people will most probably noth bat an eyelid.

[Lunar]

-only come out if its in your favor to do so and it is what you want to do
.

This is where I'm struggling. It's not so much an external dilemma but an internal one. I do want to come out and I know I'm ready to do so. It bugs me, but I'm simply reluctant to bring it up. I'm comfortable with my sexuality and admitting it if questioned. I'm not concerned over rejection but the awkwardness of being the one person to bring it up. I think I'm thinking too much into this. Thanks Pellaz!

@ Blue that seems like a good way to bring it up. I may just try that. It would get this feeling off my chest and I could feel at ease. Thanks!

@Corsac I like the fact that you mentioned the social circumstance. Maybe I'm feeling pressured in some way to just come out. Thank you!

[dfiant]

go with your gut.

[stevenmai]

Hi, you know, I felt the same way when I tried to come out to my friend also, it was hard, but at that point, we were writing each other letter every other week, so I decided to bring this up in the letters. But I first asked her how does she feel about those so-called unaccepted love, such as May-December, homosexuality and so on, then she wrote that every kind of love is respectable, and I came out~~
Another one is when we were walking in the school and encountered a handsome guy, out of habit, I said: wow, what a handsome guy, and then she was like what? I went uh oh, but since I revealed, I pretended not aware of that and went: don't you think he's cute? and after some exchanges, she was like so you are gay? and I nod and that's it~~
I mean you can try to ask them how they feel about gay and see how they react.

[hank]

I recently came out. to be honest it was a bigger deal to me than anyone else. I have mostly male friends all very heterosexual. I was scared a little bit. would they don't like me anymore? would they freak out. I have 1 for that would even once I suspected that would didn't. the spoke with me about it, they ask me how old is came to be, they didn't really care. it was such a relief. I actually began to live that day. I never look back. I don't regret it.

[Bricg1970]

In my opinion you come out to the people you really matter and care and the rest when the time come. You may be surprise of the reactions of the people around you, if they really care about you they will accept it and they don´t make big fuss about it. Good Luck!!!

[Rainbowmum]

Only do so if you are comfortable, and read you signature.