soccerplayer133 Wrote:My boyfriend wants to join a gay club at our college but i do not want him to because I love my boyfriend and i don't want to share him and i'm afraid he might meet someone else that is better than me. What should I do? :confused:
Buy a house with a dry well in the basement, Drug him unconscious and then lower him into the well.
Just remember to throw down lotion and say ' It puts the lotion on the skin, or it gets the hose again'.
Guaranteed he won't meet people and slip away from you...
Seriously, you need gay friends in your life, so both of you should go to this club and make friends with people.
Unless you tie him up and lock him up there is always a chance he will meet someone who he feels is better than you. It comes with the territory.
I guarantee you this much, if you try to hold him hostage (literally or figuratively) he will leave you. People don't like to be held prisoner to another be it locked up or in a well, or be it emotionally held hostage.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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soccerplayer133 Wrote:he didn't ask me to join with him. but he does a lot of things, i saw in his email once a bunch of registering for porn sites and one of them was a hookup website. he deletes his history and does things when i'm sleeping and he deliberately walks away from me when i try to start something intimate. and when i first told him i loved him, he said it back but it didn't sound very confident if you know what i mean. i'm just scared is all. and i do have low self-confidence.
Signs and symptoms I ignored for 12 years in my recently ended 14 year relationship.
From my own personal experience, I would have to say your worst fear is already here.
Sorry.
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soccerplayer133 Wrote:he didn't ask me to join with him. but he does a lot of things, i saw in his email once a bunch of registering for porn sites and one of them was a hookup website. he deletes his history and does things when i'm sleeping and he deliberately walks away from me when i try to start something intimate. and when i first told him i loved him, he said it back but it didn't sound very confident if you know what i mean. i'm just scared is all. and i do have low self-confidence.
You certainly left out some important info with the OP! Goodness, I'm with Bow and I'd be scared too! This does not sound like something I would tolerate one more moment! You'll ALWAYS have low self-confidence if you don't begin understanding and respecting you own true beliefs and values. Standing up to him OR just walking the hell away from his ass may be a great way to start!
We'll be here for you through it all!!! 
 Life's too short to miss an opportunity to show your love and affection!
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soccerplayer133 Wrote:he didn't ask me to join with him. but he does a lot of things, i saw in his email once a bunch of registering for porn sites and one of them was a hookup website. he deletes his history and does things when i'm sleeping and he deliberately walks away from me when i try to start something intimate. and when i first told him i loved him, he said it back but it didn't sound very confident if you know what i mean. i'm just scared is all. and i do have low self-confidence.
Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:Signs and symptoms I ignored for 12 years in my recently ended 14 year relationship.
From my own personal experience, I would have to say your worst fear is already here.
Sorry.
Had you said that in the first post, Soccer, I'd have said basically the same thing as Bowyn.
Sorry but, I think your relationship is in serious trouble. It seems you have two choices, ignore the facts and go on believing the lie, or face it and, deal with the results, whatever they might be.
Maybe you can work it out, if you want to but, there are definitely issues here that need to be addressed, unless you want to just ignore it and go on as is.
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Sweetie what makes you think you are not good enough for him?
If you love him , you should trust him.
If you do not trust him,what exactly is your relationship built on?
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Thank you all very much for your help. i talked to him tonight after he heard me crying and layed on the floor outside my door until i came out of my room. we got everything settled  . He watched the porn because sex takes a little bit longer so he did it because it was quick. he hid it because he thought it would be awkward to him if i knew about it. I told him i wouldn't be half as upset if he told me about the things he found i talked to him and convinced him to stop (hopefully). the reason it sounded weird how he said "i love you" is because he laughing at how i reacted when i noticed he heard me say i loved him. I curled up into a ball... haha. He didn't ask me to join the club because he knew i didn't like socializing with people. But i told him i would join if he wanted me to and he said he did. I would not have talked to him if it weren't for your guys' help. Thank you
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Sounds good, but my caution flag is still up on this one, Soccer.
I don't know exactly what he said, how he explained the hook up site and all but I can imagine. Something along the lines of "To see the videos because you don't always want to have sex as much as I do, and it's quicker if I watch porn. I'ts free if I'm a member of the site. I would never hook up with anyone from there, the site just sends me emails because other guys like my profile. I just delete them, don't even read them."
About right? Watch it, that's pretty much the typical lies someone will tell you if they are in fact hooking up via a website.
Now the "Oh, I'd have asked you to join the club but, I know you don't like socializing." Sounds too much like him trying to cover his ass after the fact that he didn't want you there because he couldn't play single or open relationship if you were there.
I might be wrong, but, if I were you I wouldn't put the blinders back on, and I'd be very aware of anything that seemed "off" and, confront him if you have any suspicions. Also SAFE ONLY and get tested every 3 months BOTH of you.
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well he doesn't have messages on them, he doesn't open emails, he was a virgin when i met him, and thats just what he's been used to. I told him if he keeps going, his hormones are going to get attached to the porn and when the real thing happens, it won't work for him because he is used to the porn. and that really got him thinking. He did unsubscribe to the ones he was paying for and he let me look through everything. he didn't give me those excuses. and granted, he did tell me to join some club and i said i didn't want to because i don't like meeting new people. i told him to be honest with everything he told me and he did because the things he told me, he wouldn't have otherwise. Him opening up and telling me made me trust him more than i did. like i said, you guys helped me a lot to be able to confront him and gain some more trust. I will still pay attention to what he is doing and "keep my blinders off" as you said. But like you guys told me, what is a relationship without trust? so i still have to trust him that he will do what he says.
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I honestly believe that there is nothing wrong with looking at porn. I think it is a natural part of life and perhaps you can watch it together.........
Men's sexual urges peek at certain ages and for instance........ a lot of teenage boys watch porn at any opportunity they can.
Don't look at it as cheating because it is not.
All the best and take care
I hope it works out for you.......
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i never said there was anything wrong with porn, but what made me mad is that the porn replaced me and he tried to hide it from me.
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