Need Some Advice

[Islanddreamer]

Deleted post

[Blue]

First any gay man understands how hard it can be to come out and, why many of us play straight for a time so, I don't think you will get anything but understanding from him on that front.

Second, if you don't com out to him, you will never know if he has feelings beyond friendship for you as well. Would you rather go through life always wondering what might have been or, would you rather take the risk and know?

[pellaz]

10years is the limit

[Bookworm]

I found myself in a very similar situation years ago when I first came out. I had a gay friend I was hanging out with and I kept reinforcing how 'gay friendly' I was and that I was cool with going to gay bars with him etc. Turned out he knew all along I was gay and was just waiting for me to reach my comfort zone and finally admit it to myself (and him).

Like Blue says, I'm sure he will understand what's going on in your mind space and may just be waiting for you to get comfortable with the idea of coming out to him. Your feelings for him may complicate things slightly but if you procrastinate too long about it you may miss the boat. I've had a few 'what if's' and 'if only'' moments in my life that I regret sometimes, so it's up to you. Sometimes chances are worth taking, and if it doesn't pan out, well, you can chalk up the experience and move forward again.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

If he is gay and you finally tell him that you are coming out to him and he takes it the wrong way, then why on earth would you want to still be around him?

When coming out the last people on earth who would have issues with your being 'confused' or 'scared' or any of the other things surrounding coming out (thus your lying) would be LGBT people.

We all have been there for a moment or for decades, it is one real common thread amongst all LGBT, the struggle with coming to terms with our sexuality and the fear we carry with us while we are in the closet.

5 years is rarely that big of a deal for people. 10 years becomes a problem for many, usually because one is 22 and the other is 32 and twenty sounds so much younger than thirty...

As for him liking you - I could pull out my crystal ball and check, or I could pull out the tarot cards, or I could just do a mind meld (which is usually very messy) - however I have found that the best and only way to get a persons true feelings - not just what they want in their heart, but what they want in their mind - is to ask them.

Come out to him. You are safe with him.

Do not expect him to want a relationship with you. While there may be some attraction, a lot of gay guys do not like the responsibility of being 'the first'.

[princealbertofb]

I'm going to second some of the thoughts here, which are that another gay man is likely to understand where the whole ''coming out of the closet'' process comes from and how difficult it is to own up to it even with someone who was honest about being gay from the start. He'd made that journey, presumably, and you weren't ready. It does make things a little complicated when you feel that you lied... But I think he can be sensitive to the fact that you weren't sure.
The part where you have a little leeway in your lie is if you admit that you weren't quite sure when previously asked, nor ready to admit it. I think you'll find that the lie will disappear.

It is slightly annoying when other people sense you are gay before you are even ready to admit it to yourself. It's as if they were jumping the gun. That's my explanation for your tardiness in admitting it.

There's nothing wrong with your private world remaining your private world until you're ready to share it with someone. Whether this will change things between you remains to be seen. Maybe he'll never be more than just a good friend. I rather doubt that he'd be angry at you for not disclosing the news earlier. We all need our right time to be comfortable with the idea. Ok?

And if you admit that this was/is scary and that it was never the right time to put things right, he'll probably also understand. Maybe you need to tell him in a message or letter rather than face to face, which seems to have been difficult for you. He'll have time to process it until you next meet.

Good luck with finally being yourself with him.
Take care.

[princealbertofb]

10years is the limit

Lol. Not even sure that's true... It takes all sorts. But 5 years is nothing...

[princealbertofb]

If I may add this idea: he's been decent in admitting it first, which technically means the ball is in YOUR camp...

When people don't know what to do if they have doubts about someone else being gay and they've not disclosed, I always say they can't ask directly, which would be awkward, but they can always own up personally that THEY are gay to make things easier for the other to admit it (if they're ready).