I need some advice

[veritas]

I came out to my parents last year, and a week ago I came out to my best friend. We've been buddies since middle school and even though we don't go to the same high school we talk, I guess talked, on the phone every day. I knew he was a bit homophobic but I was sure he'd accept me.
At first it seemed like he did even though he was completely surprised. After learning that I couldn't see him as a sexual interest (like my brother), he relaxed alot. He told me he was ok with it after hyperventilating for ten minutes. He even told me to tell my other friends! Then a day passed by without a call. I called him to chat and he seem uncomfortable and distant, even angry. Its been a week and I haven't heard from him. This may not seem like a long time but he calls like clockwork to tell me something every day. My mother said that my friend was simply uncomfortable with a gay friend and that he would just drift away. He might not hate me but it'll never be like before.

Is that true, has anyone had really close friends that started trying to drift away after they came out. I am having trouble dealing with this because he's really my only close friend

[gavjg]

So many people these days are still ignorant when they find out that someone is Gay, And think because you are gay that you will have aids or some other disease.
Or sometimes although they can accept that you are gay they still need a bit of time to let it fully sink in and people are so unpredictable.
If you find that he want's to be a bit distant be a bit patient, But don't change yourself for him and if he is still funny with you after a short period then walk away.
It's his loss and if he can't fully accept you being gay then he's just not a close friend. If he was a close friend then he would accept you for the person you are.
Good luck and if you every need a chat or help you only have to ask on the forum. mile:

[mihai]

Happened to me , after 1 year they will just rejoin you .
They are just scared of what others think ... And still you guys are 17 , you have the highschool "being cool" attitude

[pellaz]

i dont know if this helps the relationship with your straight friend but gays are not interested in straight men that way. Gay men are only interested in other gay men sexually. Sexing a straight is at minim awkward and full of guilt and the okcupid dating site did some research on the topic. The research is kinda believable because of the high sample numbers. Here is their thoughts:

"Gay people are not sexually interested in straights.
The subtext to a lot of homophobic thinking is the idea that gays will try to get straight people into bed at the first opportunity, or that gays are looking to "convert" straights. Freud called this concept schwanzangst; the U.S. Army calls it Don't Ask Don't Tell.
We combed through over 4 million match searches, and found virtually no evidence of it:
Match Search Returns
only 0.6% of gay men have ever searched for straight matches.
only 0.1% of lesbians have ever searched for straight matches.
only 0.13% of straight people's profile visitors are gay.
Furthermore in our dataset, there was not a single gay user, male or female, who primarily searched for straight people. "

i guess when you come out you loose some guys you thought were your friends, sorry to hear about your loss.

[pellaz]

the okcupid article was up for about a year and is an interesting read, a little information on who you are.

[veritas]

I think the worst part of this is that we were really close friends, this kind of took me by surprise. We've always been their for eachother no matter what and he's never really failed me before. When his parents marriage was falling apart I was there for him. When I started to lose control of my life, he blackmailed me into a gym membership and then got my schoolwork back on track. I've ran with him from the police (nothing too awful it was a complete mixup:biggrin, literally sailed with him in stormy weather, and done so many wonderful things that I never thought I had the capacity to do. He's been my best friend for almost half of my life. Out of all the ways it could end I never thought it would be like this

[outthecloset]

Well I have yet to come out. But I do expect to lose a few friends. I wouldn't be shocked by it. But maybe like mentioned above, it will take time to come around. And being you guys are still in high school, maybe he doesn't want his other friends to find out he has a gay best friend because they will think he is gay also. Just give him some space and then try to rekindle things. Explain to him how much of a friend he is to you and confirm to him that you only like him as a friend.

[dfiant]

There could be any number of things going on here, but none of them are your fault or in your control.

He could be afraid of the 'image' of being with you, afraid of how others might see him because people around the both of you know that you guys have been close for so many years.

He could be in conflict with his own feelings contradicting what he believes is right and wrong, so it would be easier to just ditance himself from you.

Or he could be just so afraid of your sexuality that he is distancing himself from you and allowing a prejudice to get in the way of your bond.

The only way you will know what is going on is to give him space and the time he needs. An old quote comes to mind 'If you love someone, set them free. If they return it was meant to be, but if they don't, so be it', it not only stand true for relationships but for friendships as well.

Good luck, hope it all resolves itself soon

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Yes, I had several friends who payed lip service to the idea of being tolerant and accepting, but suddenly found other things to do than hang with me.

It happens.

[Blue]

People don't like hurting friends feelings. They much prefer to simply avoid the issue and drift off to other friends and activities than to com out and tell you they can't handle something about you. *shrug* it happens, that's humans for you.