Can you Choose to be gay?

[Mark]

This question annoys the hell out of me, and I normally reply, you CANT choose. I believe this is true at a young age, but then it made me think that when your older.. You CAN choose.

Okk Ill explain and you tell me if im crazy..

As a teen/young adult you dont need to worry at all do you? Its fun and no strings etc. But we know from the start the no kids factor.

I think when you get older the desire for kids grows.. You see your friends with kids, the people carriers/4x4's, moving into the family home, the trips to disney land, big wedding, and of course the big family christmas watching the kids open presents. I mean yehh your attracted to men and that and women attracted to women.. but can they overcome the desire for kids?

In a straight relationship the kids factor can determind a relationship.. Why not in the gay world? This is my biggest worry. I know id love to have kids, and I know theres adoption but I dont feel that homosexuality is accepted enough to raise a child in a gay household at the moment.

So thinking about all this.. I dont class myself gay, as im not sure. I believe there is no sexually you can say you are or not 100%. I believe you simply fall in love. But I also believe the kids card can influence you big time.

Is it only me which thinks this??

Another thing which worries me.. You dont see many older gay couples, not OAP's as it was accepted at all back then, but in the 40's/50's. There are some but not many, and a few sites say most gays/lesbians end up being alone. Again I know personally id want a relationship which i can grow old in.. UHH its madness.

[wouldlikemuscle]

To answer the main question... can you choose. No, I believe not. You are attracted to who you are attracted to... that can't be helped. However, you have the choice to partake in hetero or homosexual acts, but it doesn't by anymeans mean you can choose your sexuality.

Kids... well... they're not for me. And I guess that any relationship I get into... as my next one could be the one that lasts.. or it may not, but either way, there'd certainly have to be discussion about it at some point.

[sudanese]

Is it only me which thinks this??

no babe not only you

i am thinking the same way , 100% in the same logical sequence of this post , and when i reach this point i become very worried and sad , and try to think about another thing , i avoid to make a decision , even raw one !

when i reach this point i feel my chest tight ....

Gay life is not perfect , neither the worst ...
the practical point is to think about modifiable factors ...

which is worst : marrying a woman without love and without attraction ?
just imagine it ... i doubt there could be any chance for settlement and a good environment for raising kids

at least in your country being gay is not regarded as the worst thing like here in my country ...


the moments i ask myself ( why i was born ) ..., then i remember the lovely face of my mother , and recede
the times i wish i can overcome bonds to just pass , and then correct my self : being gay is only one part of my life , and i am not alone , i love my fellows

[spotysocks]

This question annoys me as well like other kind of questions like : can you make someone gay/straight, why are we gay ect.

Obviously you are attracted to who you are and end of story...

Some straight people end up alone as as well and seems to be a common thing for gay people. However have in mind that 30-60 years ago gay people could not have a relationship because it was illegal and morally wrong. The ones who managed to have as you say are not many. It will be interesting to see your generation and mine who is a tad older what we do with the gay rights we have now established.

As for kids... this has been said before but it is possible for gay and also easier for lesbians to have them. However not as easy as for a straight woman with no gynecological problems standing on the way. On that note kids truly are a blessing and not everyone wants or is lucky enough or capable to have for one reason or another.

The difficult part (or whatever ) is always to find a loving and lasting relationship with someone. And to push it to the extreme end... especially a relationship with someone you can fall in love all over again every day. How many even straight people have that? You either are lucky or CAPABLE to have that or not.. See my point i guess

[Mark]

I understand I just think the question when more logically thought through can you say for definate NO YOU CANT EVER CHOOSE.. I believe when your young nah you cant, but as you get older like mike said, you can decide to ignore it.. Its a rather hard subject..

I tend to see alot of older people have marriage until one dies.. These days I feel marriage is taken as a joke as with many things, quite a few use homosexuality as a way of gathering attention. Im not saying ALL but quite a few.

Meh its a hard thing to talk about, yes homosexuality is accepted much more these days, but still its not enough..

[ardus]

I don't think choice really comes into sexuality. Sexuality to me is about deep seeded reactions that don't penetrate into the conscious mind and choice is all about the conscious mind, the two in my opinion are mutally exclusive. Now a gay, Bi, or straight man can choose to ignore his sexuality and conform to what society wants him to, but that doesn't change what his sexuality is. External factors affect how you respond but they don't change what is hardwired.

[go2stv]

cool thoughts...I am gonna have famliy... i like Kids very much... and i think my gay-side will never get satisfied in real life

[ardus]

let me ask this now. Why do most gay men assume they can't raise children? Is it because society says no? Is it nbecause you don't feel comfortable being an authority figure?
I have to ask because it seems gay men can't get the idea of fatherhood wrapped around their head.

[Mark]

let me ask this now. Why do most gay men assume they can't raise children? Is it because society says no? Is it nbecause you don't feel comfortable being an authority figure?
I have to ask because it seems gay men can't get the idea of fatherhood wrapped around their head.

I dont think society is adapted enough, but also it feels wrong, with 2 dads, the child would get bullied so much. And if you adopt a child it normally means they have been through alot..

[ardus]

why does the dad have to be the bully?