Advice needed

[lizzielee]

No more money until he is home where you can control what money to where. Even if it works to get him home...no money to HIM. If he came home to begin building for himself I'd consider matching him in a graduated fashion so that the more he earns the more you promise up to your capacity limit. Like for the first year, a deposit and first month's rent might be reasonable, but no more assistance other than maybe some food until he's stayed put and stable for six months. Something to this effect...IN WRITING...face-to-face agreed upon in the family as a matter of family. AND NO OTHER deals or gifts or giving in! (just my advice)

Otherwise, NO MORE MONEY PERIOD.

I trust my gut and I smell substance abuse. I'd demand regular drug screenings or NO MONEY PERIOD. NO matter how outlandish he may scream the suspicion is. (just my advice)

Don't you just want to love your child and not care how anyone else judges the circumstance? I am sorry for your worry, but you are a good parent despite any mistakes. We all get to keep growing and learning as long as we are actually living! Show him...don't tell him.

Thank you. I feel that I totally spoilt him and made him into this person he is today..... I gave him everything as a child and realised I should of drawn the line at some stage. Thank you for your kind words. Yes no more money, I will have to do that........ I went over for 6 weeks in April/May to visit him as I had suspicions of "where was the money going" but I could not see any evidence of drugs. Just a pile of new clothes and lots of new ipads and tablets and those types of things........

[AquarianDragon]

“Give me a fish and I eat for a day. Teach me to fish and I eat for a lifetime.”

Wow Lizzie, for him to put a guilt trip on you like this!

if I don't give him money, he starts to get a bit cold towards me and reminds me how his other friends, have their European holiday covered by their parents........ so, naturally this makes me feel guilty

His holiday is over and time to get on with life.
You've provided him with a good education and start in life, but he really needs to stop shaking the money tree and stand on his own two feet, and maybe pick up a few character traits like appreciation, gratitude and independence.
He has his return ticket and I'm sure he knows he'll have your support when he returns, so I feel its time to establish boundaries here.
Bests wishes with it all.

[Rainbowmum]

When I graduated from High school before going into Monash University, I spent a year traveling overseas , my father made a deal with me ,he sent me an open ticket to come home.
Part of that deal was if I was not home in a year , the money stops, he even made me sign a contract.

When it came to funding he met me half way with the cash, in other words I would send him my wage details and he would match it.

When Jay graduated from Maitland high he decided he wanted to travel around Australia.
I gave him the same terms and he was home in a year.

As a mother I feel for you, try to tighten the purse strings a little at a time until he realizes that the money tree is empty.

Our children are very good at tugging on the heart strings.

[lizzielee]

AquarianDragon..............yes your right. The holiday is truly over and he has to start taking responsibilities for himself. Oh gee I have had so many night crying myself to sleep over him being away etc etc.......... But I think you are right, the money tree is empty!!

Rainbow Mum............ I wish I knew about that contract thing years ago.!! Would of been perfect but you are right, he knows how to pull on the heart strings and yeah I weaken lots. I will tighten those purse strings as it's just getting too much. Thank you.

[Vigilias]

Tough love... that's what's needed here.

He's going to have to learn that money doesn't grow on trees and you can't eat grass.

Do you still want to be bailing him out on his "short holiday" when he's 40 years-old. Times are tough right now for us all.

He'll either make it out there or he wont and he'll be forced to come back - be patient and don't give in, you're not helping him by giving in to his constant demands for funing and this depression millarky! That's just controlling behaviour on his part. Don't dance to the beat of THAT drum!

Good luck!

[lizzielee]

Tough love... that's what's needed here.

He's going to have to learn that money doesn't grow on trees and you can't eat grass.

Do you still want to be bailing him out on his "short holiday" when he's 40 years-old. Times are tough right now for us all.

He'll either make it out there or he wont and he'll be forced to come back - be patient and don't give in, you're not helping him by giving in to his constant demands for funing and this depression millarky! That's just controlling behaviour on his part. Don't dance to the beat of THAT drum!

Good luck!

Yes true. I definately do not want to be doing this when he is 40. Thank you!

[princealbertofb]

Lizzielee, your son is twenty- four and old enough to take care of himself.... The fact that he is in Athens is what should be worrying as they are having a really hard time in Greece at the moment, and this is affecting everyone. But, as you said, his appartment was full of new clothes and iPads and thingies and he doesn't need these things to live. They are just comforts. If he wants his parents' support, then he must be nearer to where they are, not miles and miles away. You have no control over what he's doing, nor should you have any if he's to be considered an adult. He can make his choices but you don't have to pay for them.
All I know is the Greek economy is so bad at the moment, it might be a great struggle to make ends meet, but on the other hand, such dire straits also make people cooperate and share and work it all out. If he makes the right connections he'll get through it.

[OrphanPip]

I don't get that attitude, my parents help me out enough with giving me a room in their house to stay in. I don't expect them to pay for school, clothes, food, books, electronics or my entertainment budget. I feel strongly that family should help family, but that comes with the condition that you don't abuse the help.

[lizzielee]

. You have no control over what he's doing, nor should you have any if he's to be considered an adult. He can make his choices but you don't have to pay for them.

Thanks PP. Yes he has to take the consequences of his actions and stop bleeding us dry for money.

[lizzielee]

I don't get that attitude, my parents help me out enough with giving me a room in their house to stay in. I don't expect them to pay for school, clothes, food, books, electronics or my entertainment budget. I feel strongly that family should help family, but that comes with the condition that you don't abuse the help.

Yes that's the way it should be and I am trying hard to turn it around so he will have to conform to this. Fingers crossed.......!! Thanks