Moving on

[archubbycub]

So I've come to the realization that I have got to pick up the pieces of my twice broken heart and move on. Personally, I'm quite sick of this self pity and setting here wondering what I could have said or done differently.

And I realize that the first thing I have to work on is myself. Figuring out who I am and what I want out of life now that I am single again after 13 years. But I know that eventually that is going to be someone who truly loves me for who I am and what I have to give. Not someone that just wants to fix me.

And I'm not saying that's going to happen next week or next month. Hell I don't know how long this is going to take. But I do know that someday, down the road a ways, I want someone in my life that I can share everything with again. I just don't know how I'm going to fined that someone.

You see, where I live is such a small place. I'm at least two hours from any kind of big town. There are no LGBT support groups nearby and the club scene, while a fun way to relax and forget about everything for a few hours, is definitely not something I'd want to do more than once a month. And yes I have several friends who have been more than extremely supportive of me, but most if not all of them have someone or they're into the open relationship thing. And as I've said before I have nothing against anyone that is into that, it's just not for me.

So what I'm getting at is, how do I eventually go about finding someone like I'm looking for to share my life with? I really am not interested in a long distant relationship, and I want more than just a "hook up." Of course, I've never tried a dating website, and I wouldn't even know how to go about meeting someone on my own.

Like I said, this isn't something I'm thinking about doing right away. I know I have to get myself back together before I can even think about giving myself to someone like that. I'm just thinking ahead to the day when I can slowly open myself up to someone again to let them even get a peek at who I am and what I have waiting behind the walls and barbed wire and Doberman pincers and armed guards and...well..you get the idea! LOL

[Bricg1970]

Sometimes is good to be alone and make a reflexion about mistakes and other issues, clear the mind and learn other things. But also we must learn that everything has a beginning and a end and we must accepted, that is the hard part

[archubbycub]

Yeah, I just don't want to be alone forever. And while I have a slew of friends who are there for me in a lot of ways, I also would eventually like someone special who will be there for in ways and when friends can't be.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Do not fear alone time. There is a lot of things you can enjoy alone. For instance, sleeping diagonally across the bed - wearing just your underpants while you watch your favorite sports team score (or lose)...

It also gives you time to explore yourself.

At this point, with a recent divorce I think you need to explore who you are as a "Gay man" That doesn't mean going out and having lots of sex - it means figuring out who you are fully and what being 'gay' means to you internally.

You will be ok.

[archubbycub]

Do not fear alone time. There is a lot of things you can enjoy alone. For instance, sleeping diagonally across the bed - wearing just your underpants while you watch your favorite sports team score (or lose)...

It also gives you time to explore yourself.

At this point, with a recent divorce I think you need to explore who you are as a "Gay man" That doesn't mean going out and having lots of sex - it means figuring out who you are fully and what being 'gay' means to you internally.

You will be ok.

Thanks Bowyn, and all of you! I really feel loved, and I mean that sincerely mean that. And no I'm not thinking of going out and having lots of sex. Sex with one guy is the furthest thing from my mind right now, let alone with multiple partners or sleeping with the same guy every night. Hell, I don't even really want to date right now. Maybe getting to know someone a little better and taking things slow, but my main focus right now IS finding out who I am and what it means to be gay for me. Then maybe I can start finding someone special to pass the time with.

[dfiant]

I'll be honest with you, I am so glad you have come to the realisation that it is you that you have to work, it's a great revelation and the only way you can move forward, because quiet frankly reading your whining the last couple of days was off putting for a grown man, but not so offputting for a 10 year old who lost his football over the neighbours fence.

Congrats and good luck with your healing

[lizzielee]

You've taken the first step to recovery and healing.......... Congratulations as it is a hard thing to leave a relationship and to be alone.........
Slowly.........but surely.......you will get there. One step at a time...
Yes..... time for you and now it's all about YOU.........finding yourself, being happy with yourself......... There is no hurry to get into another relationship either..........just take your time.
You can do this.........
All the best and take care
LL xx

[archubbycub]

Thanks Lizzie. No it's not easy taking that first step but it helps having friends like you all and those I have offline to support me and be there when the road seems difficult. I know I'm going to get through this and in the end I'm going to be a better, stronger person than I've ever been.

[Rainbowmum]

We are here for you cub.
Concentrate on yourself for a while , before you take the plunge again.

[archubbycub]

I think the nights are when I'm the loneliest right now. No I'm not going to whine or cry. I'm just getting something off my chest. And I'm gonna take a cue from Ms. Brittany Spears and realize that I'm "stronger than yesterday!" If you can't tell, music is a huge part of my life! LOL