Relationships pahh!

[Marc]

I think there is alot to be said for the single life.

I'm 33 (omg how did that happen) and since the tender age of 13, I have been in a relationship, and never really been single.

I found out I was gay at 12, when my best friend kissed me... we went through all the confusing stuff together, and were incredibly close, and at 16 we moved in together.. everything was great for years.. but eventually we grew apart, and at 27, we split up.

Within 4 months I had another BF, and we ended up living together, however he turned into a cheat, so 3 years later, we split up.

Within about 5 months I had my 3rd relationship, but he stole from me, and lied and cheated, so 3 months ago we split.

I put the last 2 relationships down to a rebound, I was so scared of being alone.


Now, I have been single for 3 months, and being self employed, I have thrown myself deep into work.
But, I am finding myself feeling more and more lonely, the worst being at night in bed.

I'm not really trying to make any point in this thread, I guess I'm just trying to talk myself out of taking my ex back, and trying to enjoy the single life a little.

[Rainbowmum]

Marc , he is your ex for a reason.
Leave the past in the past .

Learn to enjoy your own company , there is something very liberating in being responsible for your happiness .

[ChadCoxRox]

How do you feel about getting laid without any intent of serious commitment? I'd bet there are other guys who are not interested in a serious relationship but are able to enjoy having an overnight bed mate to break up the monotony or quieten the inner longing for closeness.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

This is why I took to the 365 day hold policy - for a year (more or less) I stay out of relationships.

It took be a few rounds to get it through my thick head... And of course the rebound relationships ended up ugly and uglier...

I now take the time to work on Me, and pursue selfish interests. Selfish is good if you are honestly seeking to learn more about yourself and working in things/issues you may have. I'm in luck, I have lots of issues to work on.

This throwing yourself into work is your way to ignore working on 'stuff' that you really need to work on before you move on to another person. When you find yourself not throwing yourself into work, you will be ready to pursue your dastardly deeds in the last relationship(s) and once you figure out what you did wrong you try to improve yourself.

It is real easy for us to slip into blaming the other when we break up, it always takes too to tango and be it merely enabling certain behaviors or being the 'bad guy' you did something which you need to identify so you can work on it and not make the same mistake(s) in the next.

Loneliness is to be expected. It happens to the best of us - fortunately you are single and lonely - I know too many who are in a relationship and are lonely...

Set a reasonable period of time before you put yourself back out there. Even if all it is for is 'just sex'. It is too easy to 'fall in love' or 'like' or lust or something that will easily patch that hole and confuse issues.

Say 6 months? You are halfway there.... Maybe go the full year? Maybe set a six month goal and then reevaluate where you are emotionally and with 'issues' and see if going out and dating is right for you or take another 6 months off.

You will be ok. I promise you that much.

[pellaz]

I am going to take a different approach.
everyone is different and some of us are made to be in a relationship. If you are one of these; ignore those who seem to think you need to be single for a while. Obvious you are capable to love your self and others since your were in a successful relationship for many years.

finding another relationship is difficult. If this is what you want dont give up, keep trying. You seem to have good standards in place and can take action if things are sub optimal. If this is what you want to do make it happen but be patient.

I found out I was gay at 12, when my best friend kissed me... we went through all the confusing stuff together, and were incredibly close, and at 16 we moved in together.. everything was great for years.. but eventually we grew apart, and at 27, we split up. ... I guess I'm just trying to talk myself out of taking my ex back ...

talk to your X and see if he feels the same way? If you havnt already, try to get some gay couples training, start with a low cost group sessions first. Dont let your pride get in the way, again be patient but make it happen. I say this because in any relationship, given enough time, the boys will grow apart. Your love is trying to hit a moving target no? Who is to say this same thing will happen in your next relationship?

Sounds like you have tons of skills and know what you are doing, just evaluate things, be patient and make it happen.

[lizzielee]

Give yourself some time to "find" yourself and enjoy being single. Then when you are ready......and the timing is right.....you will find someone to love and have someone love you back.

[hue]

all my relationships in the past have been with women, and disasterous, partly due to
my unwillingness to accept my homosexuality. i am very happy with my single life but
would love an occasional bed mate. working on that, but otherwise love my life.

and private entertainment, lol.

hugz n smoochies!

[Marc]

Cheers guys and girls your all lovely.

I guess I'm kind of old fashioned when it comes to sex... meaning I don't do 1 nighters, I like to save myself for my special guy... sad but true!

I have plenty of friends around me who all say I need some time single... and most importantly I need to stay away from my ex!

I think its because I have never really been single, so I have no idea how to live a single life, if that makes sense, I mean I have a home, a business and a car... but nobody to share it with.

It sounds depressing, but I am happy really, I'm very much a happy go lucky type... I just feel kinda empty.

[dfiant]

Until you can be happy, confident, comfortable, content and at peace with yourself and being single, then you will never be truely happy in another relationship.

You will learn a lot about yourself being single than you would if you had a partner. Take your time and let the peices of the puzzle fall into place

[Marc]

My problem is Im a very social person, I like having people around me.