Im in love with my advisor, does he love me back??

[commania]

Thanks all for all the great advices, you really put some sense in me, i needed something like this. Well the thing is even if he did like me, he is too much of a professional to admit it. So i thought if i wasnt the one taking the step wed never have any chance together.

But yeah it is too early for that. As Sil said, I should save that for a pub conversation after a few drinks and probably thousands of miles away from the department, in US probably . Noone is worth taking that risk anyway.

bit confused about where the lady comes from? Is this his girl friend. Are both of you staying June -> Sept and is the girl only there for the 15dyas off? What city are you going to in the US? Are you there for 15days or the June/Sept stent.

back at home:
-There are huge cultural differences Bursa/Turkey.
-Your adviser is also trying to make a super good impression with a possible employer? From your post sounds like people talk at your school environment so not good your the first student he works with and people think he is getting you pregnant.

in all this dont loose your objectivity. You still need an adviser and get that PHD done. Seems like this will be a lot of work.

To answer your questions, his girlfriend isnt coming to US. Shes working here. And that 'her' is my best friend who is also a phd student. If she comes shell be there for 3 months as well. Since he is the one responsible for accomodation (he said we could stay at his friends houses) i had to ask for his permission to bring someone else. But later i found out that he was planning to tour the states with me.

[2345434]

When I was an undergraduate I had a professor who I thought was interested in me. I never pursued anything with him, however, as I was not interested in him. To this day I don't know whether or not I was right, however I did learn that he way in fact gay (albeit partnered). If I were you I would use this trip as an opportunity to feel him out further and I would opt not to bring a friend along, as that would make it harder for you to get close to him. Even if he rejects you, I find it unlikely that he will tell a lot of people about this if it could in fact negatively effect his career. As for his having a girlfriend, if he acts somewhat effeminate and you get the impression that he's gay, he may very well be gay. I had a female friend in high school who was very butch and dated guys at the time; everyone thought she was a closeted lesbian and later on... guess what? It turned out she was in fact a lesbian. I'm not saying that stuff like that is always the case, but frequently it is. In this particular case it seems especially likely as I imagine (correct me if I'm wrong on this) that Turkey is a fairly socially conservative country where being gay would be frowned upon. Hence he has more reason to stay closeted. So yeah, my advice is to go for it. Especially in the states where you'll be thousands of miles away from anyone who'd care. By the way, is this trip necessary for the purpose of your PhD or is it simply something he wants to do with you? If the latter, I'd say this supports your belief that he's interested in you.

[StephanieB]

I will close my mouth if i were you!!How humble we were!!!

[pellaz]

ok so he is interested in you:

-you two as a couple, how do you fit together. For example he is good with people and your good wit the finances.
-could both of your 5 year plans combine into one life?

or

are you in awe he has accomplished what you strive for. He is one step ahead of you. but consider what your needs will be when you get where he is. Will your lives still fit together than?

just a little key into what his thinking should be.

[commania]

ok so he is interested in you:

-you two as a couple, how do you fit together. For example he is good with people and your good wit the finances.
-could both of your 5 year plans combine into one life?

or

are you in awe he has accomplished what you strive for. He is one step ahead of you. but consider what your needs will be when you get where he is. Will your lives still fit together than?

just a little key into what his thinking should be.

Well all i know is when we are together time passes so quickly, i want to stay at his room all day, thats why i keep making excuses to go see him. And i feel he enjoys talking to me too, there has been a few times where i was leaving his room he stopped me saying "wait actually there was something i wanted say to you but i cant remember" and i sit and we talk for another 30 mins. Still he might just enjoy my company, arrrgh i wish i could read his mind.

As for how we fit together, you see im not your typical effeminite gay person who loves talking to girls about their boyfriends, making cheeky loud jokes, and is into fashion and stuff, or the typical butch straight guy who is into sports. I know ive stereotyped too much but here where i live, in my soceity, people define themselves with their gender in social life. Its hard to describe but girls ARE expected to be girly so are boys, and you do NOT see a masculine gay person.

But him and me (though he is effeminite in his behaviours and voice), have asexual social faces. In everything we are so much alike, plus he is the sweetest, kindest, nicest person one could ever know. Its like we walk the same path in life our paths are parellel, as you said he is just a few miles ahead of me. I dream of rasing kids with him, gosh i am going too far.

And to give you a little info about our culture, here you do NOT go around telling everyone you are gay. One very important detail is that, when i read his phd thesis, i realized that he referred to his girlfriend as his "best friend". Like this "and finally thanks to ........ For her supports etc and being my best friend along the way". That caused me to speculate if its all fake and he did not need to fake it in US (he earned his phd degree ın US at a very good university actually), he has to fake it here. Maybe not, I dont know...

[ag7335]

I've had the same problem except I am sure mine is straight