East Wrote:This is common...really really common....
You have no control over what other people do though so the trick is this....
Do not let them get to you by becoming bitter......if you do you will have given them way too much power...
When I used to bartend I would get f*cked over quite often and after awhile letting myself go through the same hurt and feelings of betrayal...i turned the tables and everytime it happened to me I would extend myself to two new people that I had never met and make friends with them.
Thing is...there are plenty of people who aren't like that at all.
The other thing I learned...I realized that sometimes I talked behind people's backs as well though I mostly convinced myself I was "above all that" so I was really embarrassed to see how self righteous I was when it happened to me (luckily I pointed that out to myself before someone else was forced to)...classic case of disassociation. My bad...but then again my "good" because eventually I realized that in the big picture it means nothing and everyone is entitled to their opinion.
In the end...when someone talks behind your back...it is ALWAYS about them...not you.
Great advice, thanks!
Hard to believe, but I don't talk shit behind my friend's backs, maybe people I don't like once in a blue moon, but that's different.
I try to stay sweet, and stray away from bitter, but it's getting hard.
Too bad you deleted your account, btw
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when it comes to friends I choose quality over quantity.
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Oh yes, so many times being burnt by people, even when going to the extreme of laying you life down for the people you care about.
I have been burnt time and time and time again, ive even been burnt by people who have promised not to do such things to me.
Im slowly learning who i can trust and who i cant.
Sometimes we put alot of trust in some people, and one thing i didnt account for is change, because i wish the people who did these things to me didnt change because they were such lovely caring and really Fantastic people before they changed, but alas all things change. Only a few times have i met people who dont, and find them to be the better friends
Its a well known figure of speech that some change is good and some change is bad, ive yet to meet a changed friend that turns out better in the end.
My sympathy goes out to you, being burnt by people we thought we could trust it sometimes worse than heart break because if heart break happens they are normally the ones to pick us up, if they prove to be nothing but a fake friend who uses you like a stepping stone, then when you need the help they arent there. They are not friends!
I wear my heart on my sleeve so ive been there, ive been used, abused, stepped on, and thrown away. sometimes we dont learn, but we do learn those who are always there to hold out a hand, a hug, a shoulder to cry on.
and this Adam boy sounds like one of those to me &^.^
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Zennyboy Wrote:Oh yes, so many times being burnt by people, even when going to the extreme of laying you life down for the people you care about.
I have been burnt time and time and time again, ive even been burnt by people who have promised not to do such things to me.
Im slowly learning who i can trust and who i cant.
Sometimes we put alot of trust in some people, and one thing i didnt account for is change, because i wish the people who did these things to me didnt change because they were such lovely caring and really Fantastic people before they changed, but alas all things change. Only a few times have i met people who dont, and find them to be the better friends
Its a well known figure of speech that some change is good and some change is bad, ive yet to meet a changed friend that turns out better in the end.
My sympathy goes out to you, being burnt by people we thought we could trust it sometimes worse than heart break because if heart break happens they are normally the ones to pick us up, if they prove to be nothing but a fake friend who uses you like a stepping stone, then when you need the help they arent there. They are not friends!
I wear my heart on my sleeve so ive been there, ive been used, abused, stepped on, and thrown away. sometimes we dont learn, but we do learn those who are always there to hold out a hand, a hug, a shoulder to cry on.
and this Adam boy sounds like one of those to me &^.^
With pain comes experience, I suppose.
Sucks that in a life so short, there's an overabundance of superficiality.
Adam is pretty amazing 
He's been there for me a lot, lately.
It's just to bad he's straight  ....
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ceez Wrote:when it comes to friends I choose quality over quantity.
Amen!
(although, I've a secular frame of mine)
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Dreamer Wrote:With pain comes experience, I suppose.
Sucks that in a life so short, there's an overabundance of superficiality.
Adam is pretty amazing
He's been there for me a lot, lately.
It's just to bad he's straight ....
Ive got alot more straight friends than i do gay. I spent today with one of my straight friends and to my shock, his wifes little sister let slip that he thinks of me as his best friend.
Now this friend is a popular guy, has lots of friends, who he can go and see anytime he likes, but he has announced me to be his best friend, even for a period when i knew him i thought his wife hated me, but turns out she actually doesnt mind me compared to others of his friends.
Straight friends ive found can sometimes be just as good a friends as any, because when you feel close to someone, there is a connection there that cannot be faulted, and thats probably the connection you and Adam share.
A bond that goes deep. and cannot be broken by the bitterness of life and faults. and thats what stops the superficial matters from occuring within good friendships.
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Zennyboy Wrote:Ive got alot more straight friends than i do gay. I spent today with one of my straight friends and to my shock, his wifes little sister let slip that he thinks of me as his best friend.
Now this friend is a popular guy, has lots of friends, who he can go and see anytime he likes, but he has announced me to be his best friend, even for a period when i knew him i thought his wife hated me, but turns out she actually doesnt mind me compared to others of his friends.
Straight friends ive found can sometimes be just as good a friends as any, because when you feel close to someone, there is a connection there that cannot be faulted, and thats probably the connection you and Adam share.
A bond that goes deep. and cannot be broken by the bitterness of life and faults. and thats what stops the superficial matters from occuring within good friendships.
Very true.
I haven't a thing against him being straight.
Guess I have a mild crush on him is all.
I haven't many gay friends myself. I kind of don't like gay people lol. Stupid yet accurate.
That's a great feeling to find out when someone thinks of you highly, especially when you never knew they did before. I'm sure his wife is happier, you being a gay friend to her husband, opposed to some chick.
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Yes one of my straight friends i got close to, i started to get a crush on as well, but i got over it, i wont explain how because tbh it still disturbs me to this day ^^
Im personally here to make some good gay friends, because there are certain things that straight people are not comfortable talking about, and i got plenty of female friends, but lets face it they arent experienced in those area's ^^
My point was though sometimes straight friends can still be best friends to gay people, and it doesnt suprise me that you would fancy Adam, because of the way we are normally rejected by todays world with all the hate in the world, when someone does extend a hand our hearts flutter, we notice the person before us as kind, gentle, honest etc and before we know it there is a sentimental attraction.
I never condem any forms of attraction even when in a relationship. I can love a friend dearly too, so dearly i would do almost anything for them as much as i would my partner. I lay my life on the line for anyone i care about dearly, and i dont just say that because i have thrown my life on the line for friends before.
I hope Adam stays a true friend to you, i truely do, it sounds like he will.
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Hope you're feeling better today and things have sorted themselves out for you.
take care.......
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