I don't like lying to people

[frvrdnld]

I struggled as instead of telling my parents, I left. Lived out of my car, showered at school, etc. Sometimes you take risks and make choices, but now, my parents realized that they didn't want to loose me again so they didn't let something like being gay get in the way. They still are not okay with it, but they are okay with me as a person and their son.

I am not saying that you should run away, but what I am saying is that you should do what's best for you and what you feel is right, everything will work out one way or another in the end no matter what you choose to do.

[chillythoughts]

i would say keep it to yourself as long as you can. people can be very ignorant about this subject. people may pretend to be ok with it but as i found out, i was just a laughing stock to them. they never actually accepted me as a person after.

[Evan88]

you should try to keep it to yourself first, I mean you're still young. They wont really suspect not until you are like 40 and still has no wife. I think you should just tell your real sexuality to close friends like someone who can really understand you so that there'll be a person whom you can share your true feelings about anything. Telling your true self to ypur parents isnt really needed, knowing their background and principles, your revelation might just give them burden.

[princealbertofb]

Hello, IDon'tLikeLying, and to GaySpeak... I've read about your problem, and I agree that it's not nice to be in the closet, but even worse to have to lie and deny yourself the right to be who you really are, each time you lie about it. Every time you deny it, the further it sends you into the closet, and the more it destroys your self-esteem, as well as, of course, creating a sense of failure to acknowledge something that is so important to you... You are just making it easier for you to hate yourself... indelibly, you'll just get to hate yourself more and more for being gay but more so even for not having the guts to confront your family.

I would strongly urge you to tell your sisters, and have them swear to secrecy until such as time as you are ready to come out to your parents. Since you think your siblings would be cool with it, they could be your allies, all the more so when you need to come out, or start having a same sex relationship or relationships. They will appreciate the level of bigotry in your parents and will understand that you need to get through college first without having to deal with financial hassles, or being sent to a remedial camp.

My second piece of advice will be to build up your collection of arguments and books on the subject of same sex relationships and homosexuality, so that you can explain it or have your parents read stuff about it when you do come out. That's the time when your parents will be worrying about what they've done wrong (even if they've done nothing wrong) and when they will feel very much destabilised (maybe depressed or angry) by your announcement.

Remember that they will need time to adjust to the new you, so give them time. In the meantime, try not to be confrontational about their views, but have some truly thought-out arguments to oppose to their narrow thinking. Logic may not win their consent or approval, but it might help to relate your plight to the plight of other Americans before you (Blacks, women, foreigners... etc.)

Just remember that you are a normal human being, but just wired a bit differently. It doesn't make you a freak.

Make some friends in college and try to find some support, maybe from some gay groups. Remember that there is Pflag which can help parents dealing with a gay child.

May I ask what you are studying in college? Your parents should be expecting you to start forming your own ideas and opinions now you are of age and in higher education... And, talking of being of age, you are allowed to do as you please and could never be forced to follow reversal therapy.
Your mother suggested that for your cousin, probably without knowing what it's all about, just because she'd heard of its existence. I doubt that she'd looked carefully into it.

I think there's an episode in one of the Desperate Housewives seasons, where Andrew is sent to a remedial camp by his mother, Bree Vanderkamp. It serves absolutely no purpose, she eventually comes around while not completely being entralled by the idea that her son has a relationship with another young man.

Does your mother watch that sort of show? It might be a way into discussion to leave some literature, and or other non confrontational cultural products lying around. Keep the really smutty stuff (if you like it) out of her sight. Your parents need to understand that you have normal human needs, to love and be loved by someone of your kind and of your generation (well, sometimes it's someone of another generation, but it's less common). They were allowed to have that, you should be able to have that too.

Take care, IDLL, and come here to discuss all the things that you have on your chest and on your mind / heart. Don't lose sleep or your mental health over this.
PA