Is it my fault my Cousin passed away?

[BellyNel]

I live in New York, Lower Manhattan. I was affected by Hurricane Sandy. I hate this stupid hurricane with all my guts and heart. I, along with many many others, have no electricity, or cell phone service or phonelines. But I have gas and water, but not hot water.

Yesterday morning, my Cousin passed away. He was still fine Wednesday evening when I last saw him, too.

He lives with his sister two floors above me in the same building. He suffers from diabetes and an irregular blood pressure. He can't really see well, either, and can't walk or stand for too long of a time. He wanted to go to the bathroom. He called his sister to help him to the bathroom. He was woozy. She asked if he was sleepy. He said yes. Next thing, he asked if that was the chair. He never made it to the chair, and he collapsed on the floor. My sister ran down to my apartment and knocked on my door, to get my mom, who was asleep, to get a police officer to call an ambulance. The ambulance came, but it was probably too late. The emergency personell tried CPR for an hour, but nothing. He passed away a quarter to 6. That was NOT how I imagined seeing my cousin for the last time.

I am blaming myself for his passing. If only I had gotten up earlier instead of peeing and dressing first to run out to the streets to help my mom find an officer.

He passed away at home. I had bad thoughts about him. Is he still in the apartment, or has he moved on? Will he hate me for all of eternity?

Sorry if I'm bringing you down. I miss him. Now I will not have any more chances to ask him about music from the 70's and 80's. He never got a chance to hear me say I backed up my computer, which he has been bugging me to do ever since. He never got a chance to see the new James Bond. He never got a chance to see Mamma Mia on Broadway...

[Blue]

No, it wasn't your fault. I can't say for sure but, as a diabetic myself, it sounds like he went into a diabetic coma and, never came out of it. That can happen to any diabetic and, even if you had been standing on top of him there is little you could have done.

The only thing that can be done in those cases is a glucose injection, and even then, if not given soon enough, it does no good. Don't blame yourself for what was likely the work of a disease.

[archubbycub]

No it is NOT your fault!! Please please please do not blame yourself!! It's not like you did anything to cause his medical conditions. And you certainly didn't cause the storm that knocked out the power and other utilities. IMHO there is no one to blame for this. Could it have been prevented with more perperation? Maybe, but that is a HUGE maybe. It is so easy to play the what if game in times like this, but that doesn't help with the grieving process. The best thing is to remember all the good times you had with your cousin and not dwell on all the things you could have done differently. Hang in there! I'm not going to say it gets better, but it does get easier with time. We're all here for you when you need a shoulder to cry on or just a

[megumidesu]

no

the only thing to blame here is the disease ~
you're probably in shock , so you're directing any emotion onto yourself in the form of blame and anger . i did the same thing when i lost my brother (i know the situations aren't the same , but i'm just saying that i do think people are likely to react in similar ways when faced with something terrible like a death of someone close to them)

just remember that you'll need time to get through this . finding a healthy way of coping is a good idea , whether that's just taking time for yourself or talking to people about it . there are lots of people on here who would be happy to talk things through with you if you can't face people offline

love xx

[fenris]

It´s not your fault .... you don´t send the storm.
Don´t blame yourself ....
And don´t make yourself mad with thoughts like "He never can, he never will ...." Give yourself the time to mourn... look back to good times you both had, look back to funny things... Hold him in your heart and in your mind.... thats all you can do and all you should do.
I always say, if your name will read out of the big book of the Goddess you only can follow ... that means: Some things happen and we have no chance to intervene

[writerken]

A very sad time for you. No, of course it is not your fault or anyone's fault. It's life.

[Rainbowmum]

First let me say I am so sorry for your loss, but none of it is your fault.
Please do not blame yourself , as there is nothing you could have done.

[Double007]

I'm so sorry for you loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I'm not going to waste your time by writing an explanation, so I'm going to make it plain and simple. NO

[ManicReptile21]

My mother is diabetic and I despite her being my root of all hatred. I do worry about not being there when she fails to keep track of her insulin and her sugar intake. That at any moment she may pass out in silence and die alone. I would never blame myself and you shouldnt either. They do these regular stuff to PREVENT that coma from happening. Perhaps it was just a mistake, maybe he just slipped his mind. Diabeties is a scary thing. It must be really hard for you and it is probably really scary right now. hold onto the memory. Don't lose your self. His disease is not your fault.

[lizzielee]

Sorry to hear this........and it is definately not your fault
take care and all the best