Did I do the right thing?

[frvrdnld]

I was seeing a guy very long distance and everything went very well. As he got to know my personality there were a few things that bothered him. It was mostly my sarcastic humor. I told him that it just kind of comes out. It is my personality and I really couldn't change it, nor should he try to change me. This upset him because I mentioned if it is really an issue then we might not be a good match. Maybe we should resort to friends.

This upset him even more! The fact that I would end a relationship over something so small. Yet it wasn't really that small because it would start many more arguments as it did. If it upset him so much the only thing to do is to let him be happy and find someone whose personality doesn't upset him so much.

I ended up breaking it off and had seen a side I had not seen yet full of profanity and cutting me down and all. I am the type that does not swear or cut people down so I simply did not reply and told him good bye.

I do however miss him in ways. Was it a good idea to break it off? Maybe my missing him is just loneliness...

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You hurt him, and he wanted to hurt you back.

You would be amazed at the things I can say if you hurt me. I can be a very, very mean person if pushed. Asked my roommate who is my ex... I not only used profanity I also threw old, ancient dirt back at him.

The sweetest and nicest people can turn into a hideous creature, especially if you find their buttons and push those in the right order. Obviously you pushed his in the right order, hurt him enough and he turned around and decided he wanted to get even.

Was it a good idea to end it? Well obviously you felt it was a good idea when you did it. I do not know the details here, but it appears you have a clear understanding of who you are and a line carved in stone that cannot be crossed when it comes to 'changing' you.

Seems to me you have a clear idea of what you want in a relationship, and what you expect the other to have to accept. If this is not the case, then you need to sit there and think what exceptions to your rules there are and how far you are willing to concede on things.

[Blue]

I think you did the right thing. If he was unable or unwilling to accept your humor, which you seem unable or unwilling to change, then I don't think it would have worked out anyway.

As for a basically nice person turning mean - yeah pretty common. I'm patient, empathetic, considerate, giving almost to a fault but, cross me one too many times and you will see a side of me few have had to face. I'm not proud of it, but at the same time, it was justified.

I can be very hurtful and cruel, and, yes I have a mouth when I get that angry.

[Geminize]

Donald, I think you did the right thing. Based on what you shared here, that relationship probably was not going to last. Your sense of humor is a part of who you are. If it is degrading to others, that may be something to consider changing, but just sarcastic? No worries.

I don't agree that you hurt him. He may feel hurt that you suggested ending the relationship, but that's different from you causing the pain. His reaction was another sign that the relationship may not have worked in the long run. All relationships hit challenges over time, and if a person reacts by lashing out and blaming the other, maybe it's time to reconsider.

I told my previous partner, "I will not change for you, but I will be changed by you." It's part of the dance of intimacy.

[princealbertofb]

You probably did well to let him go. You two weren't getting along so well after a while, and maybe he was just too susceptible. It happens. Why don't you now concentrate on finding someone more suited to your type of personality and humour?

[pellaz]

... I do however miss him in ways. Was it a good idea to break it off? Maybe my missing him is just loneliness...

Both you draw such a harsh line, two boys will grow through life, change. I don't know how you can expect some one to tow your line, especially long term. Sorry, for saying that.

[dfiant]

I don't think anyone can tell you if you did the right or wrong thing because ultimately it comes down to how you feel about what happened, was it inevitable?

As for his reaction, yeah normal...the mouse that roared kinda thing.

As for the way you feel...grieving the end of anything can make you feel like wanting it back

[princealbertofb]

... buy a bar of chocolate?

[Rainbowmum]

Sweetie you did do the right thing .

You will be amazed and how big little flaws can become after time.

[chillythoughts]

abusive relationships are not one bit acceptable in any circumstance. you know if you continued the relationship and you guys got a place together, this verbal abuse would turn into psychical abuse and who knows, he might had killed you with such rage.

i think you did the right thing.