12-06-2012, 01:45 AM
Just wanted to see what you all thought about my current situation. I'll try to keep it brief:
I am a 30-year-old closeted guy here- have dated girls infrequently over the years and it's always left me unfulfilled and unhappy. I do have some physical experience with guys- not lots- but a few 'safe' fairly anonymous encounters arranged with help from the Internet. Only recently have I made the decision to start pursuing actual functional relationships with other guys. Generally I'm only attracted to "straight-acting" guys and I am pretty straight-acting myself.
Anyways, I live in a fairly rural area and options for gay men on online dating are fairly few and far between. I expanded my search and have been in touch with a guy who lives about 2 hours away. We started chatting about a month ago. We hit it off. We weren't a perfect fit but I think we enjoy talking to each other quite a bit. He is closeted too, which I like. He is fairly new to the dating scene himself; he'd been out with one other guy who was quite a bit older than us. They had gotten 'intimate' at some point but he decided he only wanted to be friends with him in the long run. He said early on that he was mostly looking for friends, but that he could be open to more.
We ended up meeting halfway between our towns for dinner and drinks a few weeks ago. It went better than expected, at least from my perspective. We've hung out twice since then- once in my town and once in his town. When he came here, we had a good- not great- time. He spent the night because we had been drinking. When I gave him the choice of spending the night in bed with me or in my spare room, he picked the spare room, which surprised me a bit. The next time we hung out in his town, I had a better time... just seemed like we were both a little more relaxed? We had agreed ahead of time that I would not spend the night because he has a roommate and neither of us were comfortable with that.
I'm starting to like him more and more but we still haven't held hands or kissed or anything. I can't tell if that's because he isn't interested and he wants to just be friends- or if he wants to get to know me better before sex enters the picture- or if he's just nervous about it. I don't know when to bring it up because I don't want it to be awkward and I don't want to force it- I just want to know if he likes me. If he likes me, I'm happy with waiting. I just want to know. We probably won't see each other for another week or so, but no set plans now. We only talk by email- once a day or once every other day. If it was up to me, we'd probably talk more.
Anyone have any thoughts? Thanks for listening.
I am a 30-year-old closeted guy here- have dated girls infrequently over the years and it's always left me unfulfilled and unhappy. I do have some physical experience with guys- not lots- but a few 'safe' fairly anonymous encounters arranged with help from the Internet. Only recently have I made the decision to start pursuing actual functional relationships with other guys. Generally I'm only attracted to "straight-acting" guys and I am pretty straight-acting myself.
Anyways, I live in a fairly rural area and options for gay men on online dating are fairly few and far between. I expanded my search and have been in touch with a guy who lives about 2 hours away. We started chatting about a month ago. We hit it off. We weren't a perfect fit but I think we enjoy talking to each other quite a bit. He is closeted too, which I like. He is fairly new to the dating scene himself; he'd been out with one other guy who was quite a bit older than us. They had gotten 'intimate' at some point but he decided he only wanted to be friends with him in the long run. He said early on that he was mostly looking for friends, but that he could be open to more.
We ended up meeting halfway between our towns for dinner and drinks a few weeks ago. It went better than expected, at least from my perspective. We've hung out twice since then- once in my town and once in his town. When he came here, we had a good- not great- time. He spent the night because we had been drinking. When I gave him the choice of spending the night in bed with me or in my spare room, he picked the spare room, which surprised me a bit. The next time we hung out in his town, I had a better time... just seemed like we were both a little more relaxed? We had agreed ahead of time that I would not spend the night because he has a roommate and neither of us were comfortable with that.
I'm starting to like him more and more but we still haven't held hands or kissed or anything. I can't tell if that's because he isn't interested and he wants to just be friends- or if he wants to get to know me better before sex enters the picture- or if he's just nervous about it. I don't know when to bring it up because I don't want it to be awkward and I don't want to force it- I just want to know if he likes me. If he likes me, I'm happy with waiting. I just want to know. We probably won't see each other for another week or so, but no set plans now. We only talk by email- once a day or once every other day. If it was up to me, we'd probably talk more.
Anyone have any thoughts? Thanks for listening.
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to GaySpeak. Yes, I too think the best way to clear the air would be to ask him, or maybe rather to tell him what you are looking for in a relationship, then ask him how he feels about the way it's going. That is, if you feel comfortable asking. If you don't feel you can ask him face to face, then you can use that favourite mode of communication of yours and write him an e-mail. I'd draw a rough copy first, then leave it, then come back to it refreshed, read it through, proof read it, edit it etc for anything that sounds weird or potentially creepy then send it. You should be able to find out pretty soon where all this is going.
