Not sure what to title this

[Geminize]

Cat, thank you for showing up here with your honest post. I have been there, too, so close to making that terrible choice. Obviously, others on this site have as well.

I think the most important thing you can do is find a way to connect with other people. If that's a therapist, fine. Think of it as a temporary way to get where you want to be. You will find others eventually.

I also urge you to eat well and get more sleep. When we don't meet these basic needs, it changes the way we perceive our lives and how we think. You don't need this in addition to the challenging feelings you are already experiencing.

Force yourself to get some physical activity, outside if you can. Exercise is a great tool for improving your attitude. No need to make it complicated: a half hour daily walk can make a difference.

These sound like simple steps, and I know even these can be challenging when you are feeling the way you are. Don't underestimate the changes such simple steps can make. I hope you can hear that you are not alone. Other people have felt the same way and overcome those feelings. I believe you can too.

[minglong]

please dont give up,someone loves you

[hue]

we need you....i need you! dead is just dead. empty. with life is hope, no matter how dire things seem now. live. live life. i've found acceptance even as a cross dresser in redneckville georgia among some of the most unlikely people, churchy folks, a transexual woman at work, and among you all. you're accepted here. and loved!

please please please live.

hugz from me

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I know nobody on here really knows me outside a few chats, but there is really nowhere else I can turn at this point. The last three months have been some of the worst of my life. I have been dealing with severe harassment from peers and apathy from family members. The only thing I really wanted was to lead a normal life, or as close to normal as life gets. Instead it seems things escalate every day and whenever I feel like it couldn't possibly get worse it does. Lately, I struggle with thoughts of suicide and every time I don't do it I feel like a failure. I am too depressed to eat or sleep most days. I feel like I should have ended things long ago, before life got even more unbearable. I've talked to counselors but what is the use when the only affirmative human contact one has is a therapist?

There is no such thing as normal. Normal is an illusion and for many merely a delusion. They delude themselves that what they have is normal - its not, it is just another unique life.

Thus your struggle is basically tilting at windmills - or trying to attain that which does not exist.

The majority of what you expressed is, no doubt, a regular person who is trying to conform to an ideology that no one can conform to. You are so intent on being 'normal' you forget to be yourself.

Of course that only means you are going to be 'sad' - at the very least.

To make matters worse you have some form of depression be it clinical, acute or caused by something like SAD.

"I've talked to counselors but what is the use when the only affirmative human contact one has is a therapist?" that is depression talking. Because if it you allowed some other part of you to think about it, you would suddenly realize that you are light years ahead of many others who can't afford a therapist, can't get to a therapist, thus do not even have a professional person to help them to learn how to cope and deal with their affliction.

I used to believe in God but I don't think I do anymore. I have just seen too many supposedly religious people turn their backs on others for not sharing in their beliefs or following their code of conduct. Even if there were a God I doubt he would have had a hand in creating someone as useless as me. I just wish I could end it all

People are not God. Church is not God, the bible is not God. While God can be found in many of these things, God is not limited to people, church, bible...

Yes God makes mistakes.

Case in point:


The Platypus: egg-laying, venomous, duck-billed mammal. Not only does it look weird, it breaks the mold on every understanding we have of the term 'mammal'.


Maybe its not a mistake, maybe God just has a keen sense of humor. Or maybe God has a Plan that includes such and odd creature. If anything the platypus has made many people scratch their head and actually question the whole idea of what God is up to...

Now the thing here is that you are not a rarity, a creature so out of the normal that people look and scratch their head and question the whole idea of what is and is not normal. Most people who learn about you to any degree are going to strike up your foibles to - get this - normal human behaviors and normal human issues.

You are not a mistake and fall well within nominal parameters for humanness.

And the reality is that you are not useless. You serve a purpose. No I have no idea what that purpose is. God has a purpose for you, He has a plan.

Those feelings of uselessness are depression talking.

Yeah it appears God is cruel. Yes there are many afflictions in this world which appear to chuck out the whole idea of a 'just and loving' God. Yes your life situation is sufficient to question the whole idea of God and the whole purpose of why it is you must suffer.

However. Our experiences are what make us unique. He who understands victory keenest is he who has been conquered. Those who have the most empathy for the suffering of others are those who have suffered themselves.

I would say that under the depression there is a person who understands the plight of the human condition. God has blessed you with more than you know, you just need to figure out the 'bright' side to the darkness and try to use it to be a 'better' person.

[Rainbowmum]

Hi Cat , I am so sorry you are feeling this helpless and down.
Thank you for reaching out to us and sharing the most vulnerable part of yourself.

Suicide is not the answer , it's a double edged blade that keeps on cutting up everyone that loves you long after it has claimed it's first victim.

You are so very brave to reach out to us , let us help you.
If ,you prefer just send anyone of us a PM or keep talking on here.
Each and every one of us cares ,we all are here willing to listen and give you the strength you need to stand tall again.

Keep talking to us Cat , you are not alone sweetie.
Here are two links from members here , if you feel up to it have a read.

Link1

Link2