Too depressed to seek help

[posterpicture]

Hello all. I have just been really depressed since ive accepted myself for who i really am. I havent hurt myself and dont plan on it. I have however thought about the idea of taking my own life. Like i said i would never do it, but sometimes it just seems like thethe easy way out. Im not here for pity so please understand that isnt the meaning behind this post. Im usually a very happy person that is outgoing and lively but for about 4 months now, ive turned into this recluse that sleeps all day, gets drunk at night (i dont drink before work) and then goes to work. I have a hard time falling asleep at night, and honestly i find myself not really caring if i live or die. Anyway my advice im seeking is i have been wanting to seek professional help, but i cant pull myself together to do make a simple phone call and get scheduled to see a therapist. I dont know if its because im afraid, or what, i honestly dont know. I have this block that makes me feel like i dont deserve to be happy. What are some of the steps that others have taken who have been in my position have done to help themselves? Thanks guys and gals

Ryan

I was. I tried everything I could, talk to friends, wondering myself around, playing sports, learning new things... none of them work.
So what I did was seeing a therapist ( with training background in GLBT issue - a legitimate one, not the crazy ex-gay one ).
And that helped

[seeking]

Hi Ryan

I also had a really bad time back then that lasted for some years. It is not the same situation as yours but I did think of suicide. And at some point I found myself enjoy the depression and just want to get more depressed....that's really bad.

What I suggest is to break your routines. Try to do something you haven't do before. Go to new places that you didn't visit. Seeing new faces (with or without friends, your choice) Trying new food, weird food you thought in the past ; find new music you didn't listen before etc. Do new sports / exercises, interests etc. Or just start a trip travelling to other country you haven't been to where culture is completely different....

Change the routines completely, give your daily life an impact. Somehow it gave me a new view of my life and problems and released me from the vicious cycle . It works on me. I hope it works on you too!

Best!

[Blue]

First, I suggest you look here: http://www.kansas-aa.org/meetings.aspx and find a meeting near you. Why? Because alcohol makes depression worse. I know you are using it so you pass out and sleep but, there are better ways to get the sleep you need.

AA meetings will also give you coping tolls, take what works for you and leave the rest, they will have recommendations for therapists and, going to meetings will get you out meeting people and doing something constructive with a bit of your spare time.

Second. do find a therapist, not a psychiatrist, just a psychologist or certified therapist. Don't go with a psychiatrist UNLESS a therapist that cannot prescribe medication thinks you really need it for a while.

I know it isn't easy to admit you need help but, you've already done that so, get the help you need. You will thank yourself for it later. No shame in needing help and, if one therapist isn't right for you, try another until you find one you can work with. No shame in having to try a few to get the right one either.

There can be a lot of reasons for depression, it can be transient (temporary) or lifelong. Either way AA and a good therapist will give you the coping skills you need so that it won't ruin your life, be it transient or recurring, or life long.

And don't freak out if it is something like bipolar disorder or seasonal affective disorder - I know those sound horrible, to be stuck with alternating bouts of depression and mania for life but, trust me, you can learn to cope and, you might not need to be on meds for life either. I know a few of us, myself included, that have one or the other and are okay, not perfect but, doing okay without meds. We have other coping skills - skills we learned in therapy by the way.

Goe to AA nad get some help, you'll be glad you did.

[megumidesu]

Of course it is more than being selfish, I have been there myself when I was a teenager and I know the black dog takes over and the person it outside themselves.

BUT it is still a selfish act, there is no 2 ways to call it anything else, with the black dog you ONLY think about yourself.

isn't it also selfish to force someone to stay alive , when they're in so much pain (emotional or physical or both) that they desperately want to die , just because it would hurt you (and probably others) if they succeeded ?

i'm not saying that i agree with it . i'm just trying to point out that i don't believe it's always selfish ...

my youngest brother committed suicide , which was awful obviously ... but things had happened / were happening / etc that were definitely a very permanent problem . he would absolutely 100% still be suffering now if he had remained alive .
while i do miss him terribly and wish that he hadn't done it , that's more to do with wishing that circumstances had been different for him .

[Tyrion]

Ryan, the fact that you posted this shows, that you do not want to do anything drastic, like committing suicide. You feel bad, but you want help. I understand that seeking professional help can be both uncomfortable and scary, but in the end, it's worth it. I was in a similar place a few years ago, and getting in touch and seeing a therapist was one of the best things I've ever done. I would suggest you overcome your fears, and simply make the call. If you can't.. tell someone close you need help, and have them do it. Trust me.. I've gone through many hardships, but life IS worth living..and sometimes, simply talking to someone about your problems helps a great deal.

[dfiant]

isn't it also selfish to force someone to stay alive , when they're in so much pain (emotional or physical or both) that they desperately want to die , just because it would hurt you (and probably others) if they succeeded ?

i'm not saying that i agree with it . i'm just trying to point out that i don't believe it's always selfish ...

my youngest brother committed suicide , which was awful obviously ... but things had happened / were happening / etc that were definitely a very permanent problem . he would absolutely 100% still be suffering now if he had remained alive .
while i do miss him terribly and wish that he hadn't done it , that's more to do with wishing that circumstances had been different for him .

That's a different kettle of fish my darling, that is called euthenasia.

We are talking about suicide, not assisted suicide or euthenasia.

I understand it is an emotional topic...I believe it is selfish, you don't so my darling, get over it, you ain't gonna change my mind and I am not even bothering to try and change yours because we each have different life experiences that have shaped our thing.

we don't have to agree to be right...and we don't have to be right to agree

[megumidesu]

That's a different kettle of fish my darling, that is called euthenasia.

We are talking about suicide, not assisted suicide or euthenasia.

I understand it is an emotional topic...I believe it is selfish, you don't so my darling, get over it, you ain't gonna change my mind and I am not even bothering to try and change yours because we each have different life experiences that have shaped our thing.

we don't have to agree to be right...and we don't have to be right to agree

i'm not talking about euthanasia ~
i'm talking about someone who is in pain due to a life of trauma (or whatever reason) committing suicide

and can people please stop telling me to "get over it" every time i try and point out why i disagree with their views . T_T

[Tyrion]

I personally don't believe that suicide over emotional trauma is ever warranted.. but that's me. I've gone through a lot in my life, and I never truly saw suicide as a rational choice. True.. things can be terrible.. but there are almost always other ways to fix or improve the problem, in my opinion.

That said, I know nothing of your brother's situation, and I'm just speaking in general..

[megumidesu]

but there are almost always other ways to fix or improve the problem, in my opinion.

That said, I know nothing of your brother's situation, and I'm just speaking in general..

almost always
for some people , there isn't any way to fix or improve the problem ~

i mean , i'm not saying that i think ryan should worry about that . as people have said , posting on here is a great step towards getting help and (eventually) feeling better about everything .

[Counselor]

Suicide actually has ration from the point of view of "lacking control". I don't condone it, obviously, I'm only saying I understand the perspective...or lack there of, whatever the case may be.