Hello everyone!
I'm new and I would love your advice.
I was into girls growing up but around 4th or 5th grade I started having sexual curiosities and feelings toward boys. Even when I was with a girlfriend like in high school, I would get hard when I would see some guys bodies. It would be so strong that I would masturbate when i got home. As the years have gone on, It has gotten stronger. I've even started liking guys and feeling butterflies in my stomach around them. I've kind of started wanting to be around some of these guys too and wishing to be in a relationship with them.
Women are always interested in me, but I seem to not be interested in them anymore. I totally pay attention to guys and I really like them. I'm thinking that I'm probably gay and that's okay, because I've been aware of my attraction to guys for a while. I decided that I would like to explore these feelings. Now that I am really into this, it seems more and more people are trying to get me hooked up with this girl and that girl. Truthfully, the idea of settling down with a woman is a good idea, mainly because it's easier and that's what everyone expects me to do. However, there is this other part of me that really wants to be with a guy and I feel torn between just dating women and hoping these feelings will pass or going ahead and saying no and exploring my attraction to men. I often feel that when i say no I hear in my head "you are just trying to make yourself gay because you are curious about them." What do you guys think about this? Does it sound familiar to you? I would love to know what you think, even if it's blunt and painful. Thanks Josh
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Hey Josh and  to GS 
Well first off I don't think (and Im sure others will chime in) that anyone can "make" themselves gay. If only it were that easy! If it was, then there would be a lot of guys (and girls) who would make themselves straight in a heartbeat. And I say that not because I don't want to be gay, but because it would make life so much easier for everyone else!
There are normally a few stages to accepting who you are, and it sounds to me like you've gone through two of them already (you like guys - including sexually, and you seem to have accepted that you may be gay) The third stage is one where the genie is let out the bottle - actually hooking up with a guy.
Ive only been to LA once (in my straight phase LoL) but I'm pretty sure there is a thriving gay scene. Why not do a little research online, find an LGBT support group and just go along and see how you get on socially.
In my experience, if you're a very hetrosexual male, then its perfectly normal for friends and colleagues to try and set you up on dates. You just have to decide how your going to handle that. If your comfortable with your sexuality and feel ready to come out to a few select friends, then go for it. You may be surprised when they start trying to set you up with gay friends they have - that you may not even know about!
Good Luck
ObW
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Welcome to gs josh
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Welcome, Josh. This sounds VERY familiar. I think you will find many guys here with similar experiences. I agree with ObW, go explore a little. Let your attraction to guys lead the way for a while and see if you enjoy going further with it. It may end up being a one time thing for you, or you may discover that being with a man is what you want. Exploring now does not change who you are.
You only get to live your life once, so don't do "what everyone expects you to do".
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Hello and welcome Josh.
Perhaps you are gay and not Bi, either way your sexuality does not define you as a person.
Keep in mind that the easy path does not always the guarantee happiness and fulfillment.
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jbode Wrote:Truthfully, the idea of settling down with a woman is a good idea, mainly because it's easier and that's what everyone expects me to do.
doing what people expect you to do isn't always the right thing ~
having a relationship with someone who you're not really into will eventually lead to both of you getting hurt . and that's not good ~
welcome , by the way
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Hey Josh- I've been in/ am in the same situation. You're gonna have to find a way to let your friends know that you aren't interested in girls. You don't want to end up in a "forced" straight relationship and deviate from your true identity. That won't lead to anything good. And ObW was right- you can't make yourself gay, it's something that you just realize over time. Anyway, don't be afraid to go against the standards that others have for you! Hope this helps and welcome to GS !!!!!
-Chris
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hELLO,
fIRSTLY WELCOME TO gayspeak and secondly can i ask a question....
Why put yourself into a prison matey??? I mean ifd you have known about these attractions why be with a girl who wont fulfil your needs and waste your life persuing something that isnt ment to happen... Gay men are usually good looking because its natures way of teasing the women hehe.. If i was you and everything is alright where you are i would maybe think about being honest with people so they stop hitching you with women because being gay isnt a crime or un natural because if it wasnt ment to be then why would nature create it?
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Welcome to the forum, advice and goodwill abound!
Direct answer to your questions: yes, it's all too familiar. Much of my own denial was based on religious influence and heteronormative conditioning. I made friends with girls easily, because I had no motive to be anything else, but I found friendships with boys to be more satisfying and fulfilling, but difficult to establish or maintain if I had the slightest bit of a crush.
Second edit: your thread is mislabeled. You haven't changed, just your perspective.
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One of my best friends actually was married with kids before he came out. I know several guys like that. Ultimatily, they though that if they got married maybe thier feelings would go away but they did not. Eventually it just kept building and building until they went out and had a sexual experience with a man. It of course resulted and a painful break up.
If you are not really into women, dont date them until you are. Its not just for them but for you as well. A forced relationship never really works out and by the time you come to grips with that years or decades of your life can go by.
You live in LA? So do I. There must be hundreds of gay bars to meat people. Have you ever been to West Hollywood? Gay central. Restaurants, Bars, Nightclubs, Stores, Gyms, Hotels, Business all gay.
Maybe you should venture out one night. It can be scarey the first time you go into an all gay place but there really is nothing to worry about. You can always leave. Some of the places you should see just because they are cool. Maybe you should try a place called the Abby. It started as a coffee house and grew and grew and grew. A lot of straight people like going there so its not overly hard core sexually charged like a club might be. Its pretty laid back during the day, and packed by sunset. If you have any friends that are open minded even a girl, take them with you.
You can also go to a youth group at The Center in Hollywood. LA has one of the largest gay and lesbian centers in the US because they started here by a man who once felt like you did. They usually have a meetings where about 10 to 20 people sitting in a large circle and a guide who usually throws out a topic for discussing. Its a great way to meet new people in a non threatening way. Usually after its over, some of the guys go out for something to eat. Again, good way to meet people. Now your in a group.
Like guys more down to earth, head down to Long Beach. Huge gay population. More laid back, not into the designer labels, expensive cars and pretentious attitude. Head down to Broadway Blvd. You will find gay bars and businesses but nothing like West Hollywood. More neighborhoody. For example, I go a party once a month potluck at friends houses that usually have 200 men attending. Mostly just to socialize but other have met people they fell in love with there.
Even the Starbucks there in West Hollywood is gay and Kook-a-Roo Too!. Maybe just go to a restaurant or coffee shop and people watch. You can get familiar with the area that way and work you way down the street.
The one thing I do have to say about West Hollywood is don't let it scare you. Because there are a lot of bars, there are a lot of intoxicated queens there. If anyone tries to flirt with you that you do not like, you can always tell them you have a boyfriend. What you see there is not how most gay people live. You will see all extremes there along with guys you probably will like. It's a good place to get your feet wet and feel safe. Its ok there for gay men to hold hands in public without people freaking out. Bars are open to the street and you can see into them if you decide to go in. Eating places are the same too. The Abby which I mentioned is mostly a large outdoor patio.
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