hello---new here---need help/advice

[rabidbunny101]

hello,
I was browsing Google trying to find a place where I can get help and guidance...and hopefully make some friends...I got a whole lot of issues going on in my life right now and I don't know how to deal with them...

I am a married bi-sexual male....and I'm in love with my best friend, he's a lot younger than me(he's 18 going on 19), and a lot of crap has went down, and I may never see him again...it's been two months and it's killing me that I can't see him anymore. I have known his wife for 10 years, and now she hates me and my wife hates him.

Life kinda sucks right now

good times...

[megumidesu]

welcome ~


i don't really understand the problem ... if you are married then feelings you have for someone else is completely irrelevant . you made a vow to your wife to love her (and only her , i'm assuming) for the rest of your lives . if she knows about your feelings for your friend then it's completely understandable that she'd be angry .
i will never ever be able to condone cheating on a marriage . there's never a situation when it's right .

you need to forget about your friend (not completely , just your feelings for him , i mean) and move on .

[Counselor]

Hi! Welcome! From the sound of the sitch, you boys were pretty close.

[AquarianDragon]

Welcome rabidbunny

[RockerBlocks]

It's better to keep someone as a friend then not have them in your life at all.

Don't ruin your marriage over it.

[rabidbunny101]

welcome ~


i don't really understand the problem ... if you are married then feelings you have for someone else is completely irrelevant . you made a vow to your wife to love her (and only her , i'm assuming) for the rest of your lives . if she knows about your feelings for your friend then it's completely understandable that she'd be angry .
i will never ever be able to condone cheating on a marriage . there's never a situation when it's right .

you need to forget about your friend (not completely , just your feelings for him , i mean) and move on .

I know the feelings should be completely irrelevant....but I can't get him off my mind and out of my heart....it's not a sexual thing so much with him, we never had sex or anything like that....but there's strong connection...we had a lot of long heart to heart conversations...similar backgrounds, similar interests and all that...we're both bi-polar...

He lied on me and to me, used me, and now we are not talking...and it's only now that I realized how deep my feelings really are....I want to hold him and just hug him, but I can't

[Undreamt]

desperation can lead to brash choices and extreme reactions.

You sound a little paniced and thats fair enough as long as you are acknowledging it. Just remember to breathe

fights can and do happen if things are meant to work out then they will.
Try to be calm and approach the situation from an objective standpoint.

Work out what happened, don't play the victim but don't try to blame the situation all on him. (it takes two to argue)

Also try to identify the difference between your feelings.
crush, longing, love, lust, desire, need for companionship, sometimes all can feel the same.

It can be upsetting to loose a close friend, perhaps some distance now may be benificial in the long run

[rabidbunny101]

desperation can lead to brash choices and extreme reactions.

You sound a little paniced and thats fair enough as long as you are acknowledging it. Just remember to breathe

fights can and do happen if things are meant to work out then they will.
Try to be calm and approach the situation from an objective standpoint.

Work out what happened, don't play the victim but don't try to blame the situation all on him. (it takes two to argue)

Also try to identify the difference between your feelings.
crush, longing, love, lust, desire, need for companionship, sometimes all can feel the same.

It can be upsetting to loose a close friend, perhaps some distance now may be benificial in the long run

I am panicked, and it has thrown me into a severe depression I can't seem to get out of. I am so torn between genuine love for him and irrational anger at him that I don't know what to do, and it's effecting every aspect of my life....I'm suicidal, I can say that here right?

I didn't think I was in love with him, until I was without him for a couple months...Now I know, and I feel terrible. I feel terrible for putting my wife through this.

Nothing sexual would ever happen between us, I know, I tried, six months ago he showed me his penis, after we looked at porn on the net, and I told him I was bi, and I begged him to let me touch it. He left it out for a long time contemplating, before telling me he didn't feel comfortable with it. I left it at that, but we both felt bad and awkward, so we went out and did something manly....we went mud riding at 2am...and we got stuck in the mud. A cop had to carry us home. When he got back to his house, he told his wife and mother in law it was all my fault. He left out the part about us looking at porn together....and me telling them I was bi before he took it out.

Before he told them, my wife already knew....because I sat her down in front of him and told her the truth. He wasn't at all upset at that time. But his attitude changed after he got home...

But we continued being friends after about two weeks of not talking...and I apologized to his wife face to face.

Since then I have been there for him as a friend, during marriage trouble, and when he cried on my shoulder and begged me to not let him kill himself....I helped support him buying him groceries,....so much I did for this boy,, anytime he needed me I was always there. I would always go get him when he was bored at home....he was with me more than he was his wife, and she hated me for that.

One night they got into a huge fight and she texted me to come get him, she wanted a divorce...so I stopped what I was doing and went and got him...I held him while he cried...that's when he begged me not to let him kill himself. He talked me into letting him drive my car. he had no license...and we got stopped by the local police. They ticketed him for not having a license...$560....this was Oct. 1st...I tried to help raise money for the tickets, and sold things for him, and he didn't much try to help himself...I even took him to go get his drivers license so he would only have to pay half the ticket....he failed the written test...

All the while, my friends and my wife told me to stop helping him, that I was only hurting myself, and why was I selling everything I owned to raise money for him...so I stopped helping, and took away my support....we got in a huge fight, I threatened him with a baseball bat....and now we don't talk and his wife thoroughly hates me......her mother was one of my best and longest friendships...and it's gone....

It's hard to put all the situation into words in this forum...because there is so much more....

and what's really bad is that I now know I have never loved anyone in my life more than I love this boy...ever....and I don't want to live my life without him in it...I don;t even care how many times he's hurt me....I love him....and I know it's wrong and I know I'm married, he;s married....but it doesn't change the way I feel at all.

[Marc]

You know it's wrong yet you choose to behave like this?

You married your poor wife, you then befriend a lad much younger than you, that you paint as an imature guy struggling with his sexuality.. who might I add is also married.

You have chased him, encouraged him to allow you sexual contact even though he didn't want that, you then obviously panic at his rejection and go running to your poor wife, and no doubtedly break her heart with your admission, so you can feed her with a sob story to benefit yourself.

Your 'freind' does the right thing and breaks contact from you.

Now, you are full of self pity, selfishly wanting your wife to keep up your 'straight life' and all the while you couldn't care less about her, because you want this lad, that is half your age and already rejected you.

You need to grow up, get a pair of ball's, and stop hurting the poor woman you pretend to love.

All of this self pity is pathetic.

Wake up.

[Undreamt]

A few things that need to be said.
While things may seem bad, and it is ok to feel that way, everyone has dark thoughts on occasions, just make sure they don't get the better of you, things can improve.

There are alot of good people on these forums more than willing to talk things through if you need to and this can be a good way to let off steam and rant but professional help is recommend especially if things are really bad, talking through things with a councellor can help alot. Especially as you say that your bi-polar, big stressfull events may mean that you need an adjustment to your medication.
A final solution helps nobody.

Perspective is an important thing to keep in mind.

How do you think your friend is feeling?

You said that you were bi but you haven't mentioned your friends sexuality, what happened 6 months ago may have put him into a bit of a moral panic. There are alot of people out there that are terrified of their own sexuality, they were raised straight and if anything causes them to question that, it can cause big problems.
And even if that isn't an issue it sounds like there is alot he is going through, there are any number of reasons why he might push you away ( ie shame of you constantly helping him or anger that he needs help) and the more you push to be with him the more he might try and push away.