Another situation/drama.....

[im_so_confused]

......right this is a long winded story so I don't blame you if you give up reading.

I met some guy two weeks on Thursday just gone. Now I was talking to him and I don't know what it was but there was a connection so strong that I've never had before. There is one problem.....he has a boyfriend but is not happy with him and he wants out. On that night I went clubbing with him in the straight side of town and inevitably went back to his. We did nothing apart from kiss and have a little feel because he said that he would lose respect for himself and myself had we done something. So we agreed to go on a date (I know) and then he got ill and couldn't come. He told me that he was going to get rid of his boyfriend and he didn't. His boyfriend keeps calling and texting him but he doesn't reply to him/answer his calls. He is truly not happy with him and I said if you want me to leave you alone I really will and he said no, that he has to dump him sooner rather than later.
However he goes out with his aunt (and only his aunt) coz he doesn't have any gay friends and she told me that his boyfriend is horrible and that she doesn't want him to be with him. She really likes me and thinks I'm a nice lad, but words are words aren't they? She told me he really liked me and that guys have come onto him a lot in the past and since me they still obviously do it, but he says no I'm happy at the moment.
However I was meeting this other guy who is gorgeous and I really like, but he can't fill that void I feel from the other guy. However I sent this guy an e-mail after he didn't reply to my texts or calls, I said some deep stuff to him and said that I hope he has a good future etc. I didn't hear anything until Thursday (8 days later) and I had a feeling he'd be out, and he was. The moment I saw him, it was just electric. I got lost in his eyes and I could tell he was happy to see me.
Anyway we got engrossed in conversation once more and he said that he wouldn't have texted me if I didn't mean something to him and that he really likes me. He told me to give him one more week and he will be free, but part of me will wait and then I know it won't happen. I can't keep holding on I suppose.
This new guy that I was getting to know ended up talking to the guy I really like and I was so freaked out. I would be devastated if anything happened between then, it would be the worst thing ever.

How do I make my presence felt for the guy I really like??? He told me he needs time to think because it is getting him down being with his boyfriend, yet we are supposed to be metting up sometime next week.
HELP ME PLEASE!!! WHAT CAN I DO???

[marshlander]

I think I've got this ... you want someone who is with someone else, while you also have a man in reserve. You're worried about already spoken-for man and reserve man getting together and missing you out?

All sounds very complicated to me. How much do you want to be with someone who treats their boyfriends the way you want them to?

I suppose friendship and being there to help pick up the inevitable pieces of this muddle is not a option?

I'm so glad I'm old :eek:

[Shadow]

Bless you Marshlander, you do make me smile :biggrin:.

im_so_confused, let's just get this mathematically sorted for if/when you get other people commenting ...

As Marshlander has already commented, you want to be with a guy who's in an existing relationship, but who professes to be desperately unhappy with it, and who wants out (and you have a witness in his aunt to corroborate this). Simultaneously, there's another lad that you've found interesting but not in the same way, and both your prospective new partner and this interesting lad have been talking ...

Mathematically I'd just swap the interesting lad and the desperately unhappy lad ... perhaps interesting lad would be happy with desperately unhappy lad's existing b/f ... but that would never work in the real world.

So ... let's do this ...

He told me to give him one more week and he will be free

So he's saying that if you give him one more week he'll dump his existing boyfriend ... that's kinda sweet, and I don't think from what you've said of him that you're going to get any further any faster than if you just kick your heels and wait and see what transpires on that front ... additionally, and reasonably obviously, the more pressure you put upon this guy, the less likely he is to view you as an attractive option - more an "out of the frying pan, into the fire" alternative, and that's something I'm sure you're keen to avoid ...

Ask yourself why you want him to dump his boyfriend ... is it a) because you really like him and you feel he deserves better ?; b) because you really like him and you want him for yourself ?; c) both; or d) neither ?

One is benevolent, one is selfish, one is greedy, one puzzles me.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with what you're doing - it sounds like his relationship with his existing boyfriend is NOT working out and he DOES want out, and it doesn't sound like you're going to be branded the mistress/other woman, because in all likelihood it sounds like he would dump his boyfriend regardless of whether you were there or not ... all I'm saying is that you should be careful. If he goes straight out of this existing relationship and into one with you, then technically that's a rebound scenario, and a period of adjustment might kick-in, which could be a bit up and down for both you and him (it's only natural after all - that "finding your feet" time everybody knows and loves ??).

If I were in your shoes, I'd not do anything with him until he leaves his boyfriend. I couldn't sleep behind somebody's back - whilst I can see the appeal from a perspective of sheer wickedness, abandon and danger, the moral lines for me are too thick to step over, and I think you deserve better than to do that as well ...

... but maybe that's just me.

The most profound way for you to demonstrate that you want this to be a good, wholesome and proactive thing is for you to give him the support he obviously needs at this time. I'm not saying that doing so will result in everything being a bed of roses - not at all ... I hope it does, but my gut tells me there's more to this than meets the eye ... all I'm saying is that if you are able to provide him with the support he needs, then that's your best bet for getting him to take that step from being in an unhappy relationship with his existing boyfriend, and try and start something new with you - somebody that he obviously gets along a hell of a lot better with, and who makes him feel as special as he does you ...

Sleeping with/having sex with him before he dumps his boyfriend is something I strongly advise against.

... and for what it's worth, I wouldn't worry at this time about the interesting lad getting it on with the lad you want, as just talking doesn't necessarily mean any more than that, and if the lad you want does take it further and do something with the interesting lad, then you'll know not to take things any further with either of them !! Which I'll understand would come as small consolation in the circumstances ... xx

Here if ya need me kiddo.

.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[im_so_confused]

Thank you for that reply it has made me think. It's just hard coz there is a strong connection, I don't think it is fair on me to wait for him. I will give until a week on Friday and see what happens otherwise I have to move on and I will be sad to have lost him, but I'll just have to save face and put it down to experience.
I know he will be out with his aunt next Thursday, so will see what happens there. He told me to give him a week, but what for? I have to tell him that I support him no matter what, I even said if we start off as mates then that is fine.
Why is love/life so complicated.
I want him because he deserves better and I want to get to know him more and enjoy his company. I wouldn't sleep with him whilst he has a boyfriend as I would feel guilty and he said he felt guilty after we felt each other last time :-S
Thanks for the advice :-)

[Shadow]

Hey no problem, and you're absolutely right to ask yourself "why should I (put myself out on the offchance it works when he isn't holding up to his end of the deal) ?", because ultimately you have to look out for yourself in this ...

To be honest it sounds like you've considered the situation and decided what's in your best interests, so my counsel is therefore to follow-through with that.

Give him until the date you've determined, and if he makes good on his word, cool, if not then, as you say, chalk it up to experience (and then if he later makes good on it, who knows - he might come find you - give him enough contact information to make that a possibility if it's something you want to happen, but be subtle about it - don't let him think you're going to be lighting a candle in the window every night until he comes back to you - whilst beautifully romantic, that picture is also tragic).

You've got your head screwed on babe, but as I say, if you need me, just PM me or IM me on MSN xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

P.s. As for the why is love/life so complicated ?? The best things are always worth fighting for xxxxx

[princealbertofb]

P.s. As for the why is love/life so complicated ?? The best things are always worth fighting for xxxxx

But I don't think this should be a competition. Just a question of self respect, as Marshlander said. And a matter of self preservation.

Also for your self preservation, I don't see what the hurry is. You've only known each other two weeks, that's not a long time. Give yourselves time. He'll probably need some to readjust, if and when he leaves the 'unsuitable' boyfriend.

Just make sure that you aren't being used as an excuse to get away from the boyfriend, just as he uses the boyfriend as an excuse not to be with you (for a week). Or maybe he's planned a get-away for next week. See if he follows through with this. Then you'll see how genuine he is.

In the meantime, the week is yours to meet up with whoever you choose, isn't it?

[im_so_confused]

Well.....I sent him a really nice text asking if he wanted to meet up soon, no pressure and that. I know for a fact he has credit now, unless he is a machine and just runs out instantly. He hasn't replied nad I just can't do it anymore. I will give him until next Sunday and then that's it. I can't put my life on hold while he tries to make up his mind.

I'm scared he might get off with the guy I was sort of meeting because they share the same music preferences and stuff.

Sooooo confused :-@

[Shadow]

I think that, as you can't really affect the situation at this point except to push it away, it might just be as easy to kinda cut back and see how things unfold.

As I say, if the unthinkable were to happen and these two guys were to go off together ? Then you'd immediately know you were better off without either one of 'em ... for what that's worth ...

So yeah ! Give it until Sunday and see what's what ... you never know - he might just be busy and that's why he's not replied ... :redface:.

babe xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[princealbertofb]

Well.....I sent him a really nice text asking if he wanted to meet up soon, no pressure and that. I know for a fact he has credit now, unless he is a machine and just runs out instantly. He hasn't replied nad I just can't do it anymore. I will give him until next Sunday and then that's it. I can't put my life on hold while he tries to make up his mind.

I'm scared he might get off with the guy I was sort of meeting because they share the same music preferences and stuff.

Sooooo confused :-@

Patience is a virtue. Try not to be confused. Why do you like this one guy, any reason in particular? If the only answer is "because he's hot", or "because I like him"... it's not going to be enough. Not enough, in any case, for the relationship to hold out. But then you haven't really got a relationship with him yet, have you?

You're right, you can't put your whole life on hold just waiting for him to come to you, but a week is not a whole life, surely? I repeat: patience is a virtue.

[im_so_confused]

UPDATE ---- UPDATE ---- UPDATE
I just couldn't do it anymore and with it being two days after Valentine's day and with me thinking that he spent it with him I called him with a 'who is this' voice, does that mean he has deleted my number? I then said it was me and he then said he wasn't with his boyf anymore and that he's only been split up for 2 days.
He said he is happy that he's not with him now but wants to be single coz he doesn't want to be with clingy guys coz that is all he's ever had in the past. I asked did he want to meet up and he said he doesn't really like to get set into a routine incase he can't stick to it and disappoint me, but I should text him to see when he is free. He then told me he would text me and he hasn't.

I don't know what to make of it all?!?!
Has too far literally gone TOO Far?!?!