Quite the sticky situation...

[CUKid]

This is quite a long story but I'll try to summarize the best I can...

Last year I accepted an internship and moved to a different state for a semester. My intentions while I was down there was to steer clear of any sort of serious relationship, but I found someone that I just couldn't pass on.

Just as a side note, nearly every relationship I've been in has been extremely emotionally abusive. Previous guys have taken advantage of me and none of my relationships have ended on a good note.

But this guy was different. He listened, went out of his way to do nice things for me, and told me that he wanted everyone to meet me. In the four months we were together in the different state we never fought and all of my previous insecurities were in the past. Not once did I feel bad about who I was with and for the first time in my life I actually fell in love.

When it came time for me to move back for school things got complicated. Day after day we struggled to come to terms with separation and eventually he decided to move across the country for us.

He basically gave away all of his belongings, said goodbye to all of his friends, packed what he could in his car and started driving.

When he got here I agreed to let him live with me for a while so he could find his footing and eventually his own place. For the first week or so things were great. He was meeting my friends and our relationship was as strong as it was where we were living previously.

Then one day I woke up and he was a completely different person. He started ignoring me, would sleep on the couch, and we would go the entire day without even saying a word to each other. When I asked him if everything was ok he maintained that he was just trying to adjust to the new surroundings, but developed a serious body image issue and would lash out on me for telling him he looked good (he literally had an 8 pack...) because telling him that wasn't motivating him to look better.

After only three weeks of living here he said that he was unsure about us and packed what little he had and moved in with people he didn't even know a few miles down the road. He never gave me a true reason why any of this had happened and the frustration and confusion led me to a very deep depressive state.

About a week after our breakup I ended up hurting myself and was sent to the hospital. Since then I've been receiving treatment but none of it is really helping me cope with what happened. He and his new 'friends' have been making fun of my incident and have been trying to turn people in my social circle against me. I just feel like I can't feel comfortable in my own home anymore...cause he's meeting all of the people that I know and labeling me as 'crazy and obsessive'.

I guess my question to you guys is....how do I deal with this situation? How do I understand how someone and something so perfect can turn terrible and hateful overnight? Everyone I tell the story to asks why...and I guess that's what has made this so difficult.

How do I move on from something like this? How do I continue living my life knowing that someone who I confided in is trying to make my life a living hell..

[gilhooly]

I apologize. I agree with your friend. You sound extremely needy and want something more than a friend or a lover. Your prior relationships may have made you gunshy. He may feel you are hiding something and you are making him feel guilty for something he didn't do. Think back to the conversations you were having when his mood changed. You may find a clue in your own behavior. If you see it, admit it and ask him to help you change.

HELP is a secret word between guys. We don't want to say it out loud but we all need HELP. Try reaching out gently for help and look vulnerable. Explain how shitty your previous relationships were. He may get excited at the idea of curing you from the disrespect of others.

Good luck.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Seeing how this is your first post, hi and welcome.

I have no idea what happened really, but I do have a few theories. I can assume that the move and the dedication to you on this big of a change in his life had a far deeper impact than he imagined. Stress has brought out the worst in him.

Then there is the darker side:

I will tell you this much, as a person who has abuse issues myself, I discovered that I am drawn to abuser mentalities. And those abusers are drawn to me. It happens with most if not all abused individuals, there are traits in our abusers we find attractive and we are drawn to them, and then we have traits which signal that we are the 'helpless victim' and draw abusers to us.

http://www.google.com/#hl=en&output=sear...85&bih=768 plenty of sites touch on this subject.

The real horror is that there are abusers out there who know about this and specifically target survivors of abuse. Those who are aware of the situation can play nice, real nice, then suddenly turn on their 'victim'.

As for these so called 'friends' sounds to me they are merely associates and not real friends.

Cunt your blessings that this incident is making it clear who is who and where they stand. Anyone who takes his side, the new comer and then makes fun of you isn't a friend. Never have been.

You need to take power/control back. I would strongly suggest you cut ties to this fellow, show him you are not needy/obsessive. And cut ties to those individuals who took his side and are now harming you.

If he had a key to your place, have all the locks replaced with new and have a new key that is yours and only yours.

Get into therapy and discuss the past abuse. Also start studying up on what character traits 'signal' potential abusers that you are an easy target and start constructing your 'I will not be abused mask' - that mask you wear which shows strength, even when you feel no strength.

You move on by moving on. These few suggestions I leave for you are a start.

A therapist will give you more tools to work with to deal with this abuse and past abuses.

I am going through something similar to your case. Its not easy, it is a lot of work to rebuild a sense of safety. But it is possible. Been there done that, and ironically due to recent events I am doing it again.

It is possible to rebuilt and live again.

Feel free to PM me when you get your 50 posts and maybe I can help you a little.

How to get 50 posts is relatively easy, we have a lot of 'word game' threads which are silly and fun: http://gayspeak.com/forumdisplay.php?f=43