Right so, to keep this pretty brief. My best friend who I met the first day of university, I really really like him. It's been about 5.5 years and for at least 3.5 of that he has known I'm gay. In fact he has known that I liked him. Nothing ever happened but he was cool, we remained best friends, ups and downs obviously but still held strong.
Anyway a point came in my life where I said I had to get over him and I did. Accepted that I won't ever be with him in that sort of way and then randomly this year after I came back from america we did stuff with each other. Drunk at the time and we were smoking weed we gave each other BJ's.
Confused the hell out of me. Anyway, he works in another country temporarily but visits periodically and when he visited again I gave him a BJ. The next time he was around, we didn't really have the opportunity.
He is always going after girls when hes here, I kind of act as his wing man, makes me keep an eye on him etc.
It's killing me because after getting over him, I find myself just wanting to be with him now. I'm going visiting with a group of friends over new years, not sure if we'll get time alone but I feel I need to say something.
On the plus side, he did really seem to enjoy the present I sent him for Christmas. I have a feeling everything I just said is all over the place - but basically, known each other for years, been through a lot, he's always been into girls, still is, but we've done stuff. I always wanted more and got over it, and now that we have done stuff I'm very confused.
Anyway, in situations like this you should consider many things.. First, he might not be gay. You said you gave each other BJs but only when both of you were drunk and smoked weed. I think he is just Bi curious because you also said he's really into girls. Maybe on his part, he only did that for fun. I might be wrong, but I dont see that there's emotional attachment on his part.
Anyway, I suggest you to maintain the friendship and dont rush things. I assume you still did not tell him your feelings; just keep it that way, because maybe if you would demand for a more serious relationship, he would feel awkward. In that way also, you could maintain what you have right now, what youve been doing lately...and maybe you will be given a chance for a more serious thing because you dont really know what he is feeling. For me, Dont make the first move to tell him because it would either make or break your relationship. Sometimes things just go without saying any words..
That also happened to me with my bestfriend when I was 15 years old. We slept together with friends and suddenly I felt he is kissing me while asleep. The next morning, he became so drawn to me.. And then things just happened, we always meet in his house and had sex (oral only and kissing). And like you he was my first experience.. Did I demanded for more? No. Because when Im not asking, he'll be the one asking or initiating for us to meet and do that thing. Also, I do think he is Bi coz he has a girlfriend so I did not really loved him that much. Dont put too much emotions because you will just be hurt when parting time comes. Its my strategy to dont rely too much on that person, and the tendency is he'll be the one to chase me. Maybe you should also do that, of course be kind to him but dont give him the message that youre so crazy for him.. With us, i know its not that serious. So when the time came that i'll be going to college, i dissed him. I was also hurt because he told me he had sex with his girlfriend. I am not attached to him so when we parted, he's the one who was begging for me to come back. So there, dont take things seriously, leave them as they are. And most importantly, dont chase people so that they will be the one to chase you.
The warning signs are all right there. Alcohol weed, he dates girls you have known each other for years and he doesn't do anything with you until he can excuse his behaviors with the old adage 'I was drunk.'
Regardless of his real sexuality, he is at best confused, at worst he is in deep denial and doing his best to hide his urges.
Most gay men who have been around the block or just down the street will shy away from this type of guy. These are the kinds who will string you along and possibly end up exploding in your face, blaming you for 'raping' them or taking advantage of them.
I had a straight friend who would come around when he was drunk and do the 'oops my penis fell out of my pants' game with me and other really bad behaviors and then play like he totally blacked out. Well maybe he did black out, he would 'crash' on my floor (usually still with his penis flopped out - ew).
He is also the same one that disowned me when some of his other friends noted that he spent a lot of time around the 'fag' which made him a 'fag' by association. He said some very hurtful things to "prove" that he wasn't a fag.
Its not all his fault, we do live in a world were you are persecuted for being LGBT - who wants that really? But the pressures can lead to strange bedfellows, which frankly your 'straight' guy can't really fulfill all the things you really need.
Do yourself a favor and find yourself and open gay or bi guy who has a firm understanding of who they are sexually. Someone who doesn't need to be loaded up on drugs and alcohol to be affectionate with you, someone who can soberly show love and also have sex with you.
I have been there and the best approach i think is Just keep it in arms length. i mean just wait for it. He is Bi curious as Evan said . just play it cool. he maybe still in the closet. though dont get your hopes up. so be emotionally prepared and try to ask him eye to eye. Ask him what you really are to him.
To clarify - the first time we were drunk and high. Not sure if any of you smoke weed but it really doesn't effect you the way you guys seem to be describing as "loaded up on drugs". The second time we weren't.
Our mutual friends all know I'm gay and are very supportive and don't really care. They have always joked for years (before they knew I was gay and even after) that the two of us were gay and would be perfect for each other. He always used to play along and enjoyed the idea of it.
The idea of finding someone who is open and secure about their sexuality, is probably what I should do, but I find myself not wanting to for a few reasons. My whole family still doesn't know and I'm not that great with just finding someone. Need to know people for a while. I remember a time when I was struggling with my sexuality and guess who helped me through it....him? The idea of abandoning him if he has difficulties doesn't seem right when we are best friends - but I guess I can't really describe everything we have been through on here and it would be pointless to try.
Maybe I am just stupidly attracted to this guy - but first and foremost he is my bestfriend - this worked for years and I don't think abandoning him is the best idea if he is having difficulty.
Need some advice!
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