Fed Up With A Selfish Friend

[Rae]

Okay, she's always been difficult, but we still always got along really well, but now I'm just getting angry.

Let's start with my 19th birthday, which was a week ago...

She loves to play Magic The Gathering, and I'm kinda neutral with it. It's okay but I don't go out of my way to get cards, and though I would like to build a deck, it's far from my top priorities/wants.
Well, she got me a large pack of cards, and her words as I opened it were "I'll take whatever cards you don't need, and if you find *insert card I can't remember here* it's mine!"
Now, being really patient and pretty mild mannered, I shrugged it off and agreed, especially since, as I said, I'm neutral about the game.

Next evidence of why I'm fed up is today: she said if I pay her back, she'd pay for my fabric for a costume, since I don't have the money at this very moment and the costume needs to be done in less than two weeks. It's a really simple skirt with a long bustier, and it wouldn't take a lot of fabric to begin with...
Well, we got to the fabric store, an expensive one at that, and she decided that since a lot of unreliable people owe her money, she didn't want to.
So, we wasted our other friend's gas to get there, for no reason at all, except for the first friend to buy patterns.

This leads into the next issue.
We were at Walmart, getting cheaper but just as good fabric for the driving friend's costume, and the first friend sighed and said "It must be nice to have money..."
I wanted to slap her then and there because in the week from my birthday party to now, she's spent 40 USD at Walmart, and about 50 at JoAn's.

And that 40 USD from Walmart? She was supposed to give that to my mother so she could join us at an anime convention. But, not only did she spend the money that was going to be used for her ticket, she assumed my mother was going to be there, telling her mother that, and then getting mad when we correct her.

I'm just so fed up with her.
And keep it mind, this is just the last week, not even including things she's done in the past.


My issue now though is that I don't like starting conflict, and I know that if I approach her, she's going to throw a childish fit, and I'll just lose my temper.
I don't know what to do!
Help?

[Counselor]

Are you looking for permission to break it off? I'll give it, she doesn't sound thoughtful or caring. I'll give you an opportunity to change my mind, but if I were you, I would start making excuses not to hang out with her.

Edit: She also may just still be in that mindset of a lot of people her age, still used to having parents that take care of her, etc., and in that case, I wouldn't hold it against her.

[MisterTinkles]

Ooooooo........been there, done that, bought the Tshirt and went home.

Well, I have to say that if she is someone you want to be friends with, then she needs to have an "intervention". She NEEDS to be told how she is acting, how rude and insulting she is being, and how she is abusing the people that are supposed to be her friends.

I know this personality, because I used to be this personality when I was a teenager. But I had my epiphany and changed myself REAL quick. I still feel embarassed when I think of how I was then.

I also have had friends like this, and Ive had to sit them down and talk to them, tell them how they are acting, what they are doing, and that they need to grow up, because its not "flying" with me anymore.
I can take a lot of crap from certain people, but theres a point when its just got to be dealt with.

From my experiences, you have two choices:

1. Tell this person she's insufferably rude and insulting, and youre done. She can go find some other people to abuse.

2. Intervention - get at least three other people with you, sit her down and talk to her CALMLY. Ask her not to say anything until each of you have spoken, then she can have her say in the matter. Even if tears and hyserics start on her part, dont stop talking, dont apologize for ANYTHING. If she walks out, she walks out. Dont chase her. If she starts screaming and yelling, then tell her there will be NO screaming and yelling, and she can go home. If that happnens, then you will have to wait for HER to contact you again....if ever.


In my case, I was raised like this. My mother was this type of person, only a LOT worse. I lost friends because of this mentality and personality. Although I never had anybody confront me with it, I acutally heard myself say something very, VERY cut-throat to a guy who liked me. The look on his face was my epiphany into my own soul. I was such a shit! It was like I was dying, becuase I was getting flashbacks of all the nasty, hateful, "princessy" ways Ive been until then.

I changed, and I fought with my inner demons for almost 3 years, but I got myself out of it.

If you see a good person inside of this girl, then there is reason to fight to free her from her own demons.
If you dont feel she will comprehend an "intervention" or she isnt worth "saving", then just let her go.


After all, Im not much of a friend to my BFF's if we both cant tell each other how we feel and understand why we are saying those things.....even if its to "put me in my place". Hell, my friends KNOW they can let loose on me if I get to be "too much", and I accept it, because I know I can still get that way if Im left to my own devices.

Good friends dont run or disappear when the going gets tough....they just smack you upside your head.

Best friends who are family to me, know when **I** make it tough to be around me, they can really "let me have it". And I just love them for it, because thats how we are. Why hate somebody who's gonna call you out on your stupidity? If they didnt like me, they would just walk off and disappear like all the men I have ever met.

My friends ARE my family. You have to decide what kind of friend she really is to you, then go from there.

Anyway....sometimes we all need a "smack in the head" to get back on track. lol

[jimbopdxus]

Chill! Why should you have to deal with this issue. It is simple. If she is going to dominate and abuse, then just drop it and move on. I have had to do that numerous times. I have NEVER regretted the simple task of moving on. Also, I was taught early that if you abandon your not so good friends then all you have left are your good friends. And that leaves more room for new great friends. That does not mean you have to be rude or indifferent. You can still be kind and polite, just keep a safe distance between you and them.

[Deedee]

Doesnt sound like a friend to me, i wonder how come you lasted that love, i salute you dear! for the patience, but hey its best if you two just keep a distance for now, in my own opinion

[Rainbowmum]

I think she needs to know how her behaviour is effecting you.
Borrowing money from friends is the worst thing you can do , even if she offers ,it drives a huge wedge between you.

Let her know that she is acting selfishly and that you are not happy about it , the same goes for the Indian giving, you do not give someone something with strings attached.

You will be doing her a favor in the long run , tantrum or not.

[Counselor]

If you want it to be her idea, you could start acting like her.

[Rae]

She snapped the last good nerve I had: she criticized the way my mom was raising me.
I haven't replied to a single text and I'm trying to think of how I'll be nice in telling her she's a selfish, narcissistic bitch and I'd rather stab my hand again than be friends with her.

[Counselor]

She snapped the last good nerve I had: she criticized the way my mom was raising me.
I haven't replied to a single text and I'm trying to think of how I'll be nice in telling her she's a selfish, narcissistic bitch and I'd rather stab my hand again than be friends with her.

Sounds polite to me... You might try starting with, "I'd LIKE to say that I hate to tell you this..." and end with, "...so THERE."

[LateBloomer]

She snapped the last good nerve I had: she criticized the way my mom was raising me.
I haven't replied to a single text and I'm trying to think of how I'll be nice in telling her she's a selfish, narcissistic bitch and I'd rather stab my hand again than be friends with her.

When I was about your age I went to college and I learned two things (not in the classroom).

1) I could choose my friends.

And 2), more importantly, if you want to show me who YOU ARE, show me your friends.

We are the company we keep.
You have a choice.
Good luck.