So recently I've gotten into a friends-with-benefits thing with a guy from my school. We've talked about it and while we're really not interested in each other from a relationship stand-point, it's still a nice thing since we've got needs I suppose.
*Ahem*
Anyways the thing is we've probably had sex 5 times now (by sex I mean mostly just humping, no anal, and neither of us really enjoys oral) and the last three times I was the first to orgasm. However, every time that happened I couldn't go on. I kept trying to force myself to keep going for him, but I just can't. Part of the reason is because at that point the night catches up with me and the pure physical act of sex with it, so I'm really tired. However another aspect of it is that I become partially disgusted with myself. I'm afraid to tell him about it because I don't want to hurt him; I'm not disgusted because of HIM, more so just ashamed of myself, although I'm not sure why. Part of me thinks it's because of my interest in fatter guys, but I mean I know I'm a chaser, and that's not going to change (I have literally zero attraction to thin guys), so I think I've accepted that. Yet still everytime I came first that was it...I couldn't bring myself to keep going for him, and of course that just ruins it.
What I'm worried about is that in the future when I get a boyfriend the same thing could happen. I want to know is this normal? Am I just being selfish and I should just learn to push through it, or is this something that happens to other people? Something that I can fix by talking about it, or whatever else can be done?
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Sounds like a minor issue to me, something I think a partner should be aware of, but not a deal breaker - of course not much on that front is a true deal breaker to me but,, that is relatively minor compared to some of the issues we can have.
I don't know why you feel that way, perhaps something happened when you were younger, you were raised to think fat was bad and, yet you like heavier guys, worse? I don't need to know, but you do, knowing why is half the battle, then telling your partner, maybe seeing a counselor, and communicating to your partner how they can help you work through it, finding alternatives to pleasure them, things like that.
I suspect there is more behind it than what you are willing or able to say right now, with not liking oral or anal, kind of hints that way. trust me, nothing in that are is impossible to overcome - maybe difficult, embarrassing, frustrating, painful emotionally, but not impossible.
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I don't think you're selfish because of the line ''forcing yourself to keep going for him''. I think its just getting rid of your emotions and starting to think logical again. And im not sure about ''fix''ing it but i don't think you should feel guilty about it. Its just how you feel and i think it might be because of the friends with benefits situation.
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Maybe I just missed something but I didn't really understand whether the "sex without romance" thing or the "attracted to fat people" thing was the one you're ashamed of.
Either way, none of that's anything to be embarrassed about. Being attracted to a certain trait that the majority finds unappealing is something you can't really make go away but there's certainly nothing wrong with it. Within reasonable boundaries, at least, which is definitely the case here.
As for sex without any romance; some people like it, some people (like me) probably don't - Either way there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. As long as the ones involved are clear about it, which you seem to be. Although I doubt the words of a stranger will make the guilt go away. So you might want to get some kind of counselling? Good luck! 
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It's a chemical thing. Most if not all males feel the same thing. The reason you feel so exhausted after ejaculating semen is the natural result of a chemical reaction in your brain.
This is known as the Refractory period:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Refractory_period_(sex)
I'm not a neurologists, but a chemical suspect for the Refractory period in males, one of them, is prolactin. Prolactin represses the chemical dopamine in the brain, which is responsible for sexual arousal. This is why it is impossible for you to go on after orgasm, it is, impossible.
Also keep in mind that in your brain, when sexually active the sexual part of you brain is overriding the rational part, so I'm guessing as soon as that part of the brain gets shut off and the larger rational part of the brain takes suddenly takes over again, I'm guessing that's why we suddenly feel like a different person, from now being controlled by a different part of our brain that we were being controlled by earlier. I guess the highly evolved rational part of our brain simply doesn't understand the more primitive sexual part of our brain, so naturally when it gets in control again at the Refractory period it just won't understand how it (you) got where you are now, when the sexual part was in control. So, I'm no psychologist, but, I guess that might be where the weird feelings are coming from.
Most males feel exhausted with no more sexual feelings just after ejaculation, it's natural, it's the Refractory period.
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I actually relate to this, arby. I fooled around with a former coworker of mine, and it was awkward to begin with, but afterwards I thought I wasn't going to do that again, I didn't like how I felt about the whole situation. And I am definitely not the hook-up type.
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If you enjoy/want the sex but want to stop after you orgasm, maybe you should focus on getting him to climax first, or get him to back off so you have a bit more time to finish at the same time.
Of course if he's out for multiple rounds in one night, this wouldn't work.
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Since the day you arrived on this planet I fear you have been subjected to mental/emotional programing.
In many areas, most of your 'gender-identification' is programed. Honestly, blue for boys, pink for girls is not 'natural'. Dresses are not really gender specific, society makes them so. Easy bake ovens may be pink (to stress they are for girls) but some of the worlds best chefs are male so cooking is not just for women anymore.
Along with that you were also programed to follow 'The Plan'. That plan included you will grow up, be a man, find a nice woman, have 2.5 kids, a suburban house with a white picket fence, 3.5 vehicles, 1.3 pets. sock away a pension, college funds for the kids, grow, old, retire and become a grandparent, because you will program your children to follow The Plan.
Society also teaches us that 'Gay is Wrong'. yes society is currently in a revolution on this matter and there is a more open and tolerant acceptance of LGBT, however you were still born in the dark ages where Gay was not OK.
All of that anti-gay programing is still in you. Even if your parents were totally ok with The Gay and did their very best to make it feel alright, your school-mates, politicians, and every aspect of society worked real hard to send another message.
Its something you might really want to work on, and its something that you should tell your sex partner and your potential boyfriends. Most are going to understand, most will have been there, done that to some degree and will not 'disown' you or reject you because you are struggling to deal with this. I think many if not most would want to cuddle and caress you and tell you 'its ok'.
A lot of hormones and other chemicals are being released during sex, and many other hormones and chemicals are released as ejaculation which changes the body physically/chemically and that has a profound impact on the brain.
One EXAMPLE: Many guys will quickly lose interest in 'stuff'. Bottoms will suddenly find the presence of their man (who if he hasn't reach climax may be S.O.L.) painful, uncomfortable once they unleash. This is a biological/chemical reaction.
Getting tired after ejaculation and wanting to take a nap right afterwards is due to many factors, one is the changes in chemistry that take place.
Its 'normal' and you just need to figure out how to work around, maybe prolong and hold back until your partner is satisfied...
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do you think you could better orgasm with someone you cant see, both of you in a completely dark room. what i am getting at it is if you didn't limit your self to being a chaser.
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Based on some of your responses I don't think I was making myself clear. The whole casual sex thing isn't with a random stranger; while not a close friend of mine, we've known each other for a while and recently found out that the other was gay. We dated for a bit, but it didn't really go anywhere, however he was interested in just doing an open thing, so I said yes.
Maybe it's just the sex without romance part that's causing it, although the whole "chemical reaction" bit a few of you mentioned also sounds about right, part of it I guess could be I really don't have any interest in him past sex, so once that's gone, nothing is left. I just talked to him about all this, and so we decided it'd be best just to stop and remain friends. I guess whenever I have my first real relationship I'll discuss it with my partner and then find out whether or not having romantic interests helps the problem.
pellaz Wrote:do you think you could better orgasm with someone you cant see, both of you in a completely dark room. what i am getting at it is if you didn't limit your self to being a chaser.
I'm not limiting myself. I am genuinely not attracted to thinner men at all. It'd be worse to force myself to have sex with someone I'm not even attracted to physically.
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