Go outside. I fell madly in love with a straight guy in 1968. I am still madly in love with him. BUT, we both went outside our relationship precisely for the reason you said. We both went a bit crazy at times.
We had incredible fun forgiving each other. A lot of people have no idea how forgiveness can make you feel. It uplifts both the receiver and the giver. It kept our love alive. Try it. If you love him now, you will love him more with forgiveness in your heart.
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If that sort relationship is your thing have at it.....I would never do it if I was with someone, but if it's talked over.....have at it.
Mick
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Lalo Wrote:I am in a relationship with an older man. We are married and have a loving, wonderful relationship. He is no longer able to obtain an erection and is unable to use erectile medications due to a heart condition. He also has a diminished sex drive. Recently we had a discussion about sex and me possibly having the option to go outside of our relationship for sex. I have been effectively celibate for the past 8 years and it is driving me crazy. We both used to have extremely active sex lives and had sex at least daily and often multiple times a day. So it was going from 100 mph to a complete standstill in a very short period of time. Tonight I asked him if I could go outside of our relationship and he agreed. But now, I am left wondering, if I should? I have never been a fan of open relationships, but that might be where we are heading. Any input? 
Hello,
The fact that you hjave talked about it with him shows you are still loyal at heart to him.. He understands you have your needs and understands why you are doing it but as long as you go out there and return at the end to get snuggled up beside him thats fine.. I would recommend NOT doing it daily as it can turn into an addiction and remember you still have your man to love and look after.. In open relationships which this is going to become by the sounds of it install in your mind
When i was having sex with my partner that was love it ment something and it always will do... When i have sex with ordinary joe bloggs thats getting rid of an itch and means sod all to me..
It is a good thing you have spoken about it with your partner than just go ahead and do it.. Now he knows and approves and understands as long as your loyalty and love stays with him the shag side can be just another statistic however a big however... If you and your partner still engage on any sexual activity as im sure his mouth aint stopped working if his talking... remember once every 4 - 6 months get to the clinic for a check up just to protect yourself and protect your partner
Kindest regards
Aunty Zeon
Gayspeak agony aunt
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Care to know it from the other side?
Long relationship, 14 years of celibacy. I offered an open relationship. It was honest, sincere and it was me offering, not him asking for it.
The moment I noticed he started to think about it, I was terribly hurt, jealous and my heart was broken. Surprise even for me. If he acted on it, it would be the end.
Maybe we would stay together, but the trust and respect would be gone.
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Anonymous Wrote:Care to know it from the other side?
Long relationship, 14 years of celibacy. I offered an open relationship. It was honest, sincere and it was me offering, not him asking for it.
The moment I noticed he started to think about it, I was terribly hurt, jealous and my heart was broken. Surprise even for me. If he acted on it, it would be the end.
Maybe we would stay together, but the trust and respect would be gone.
if you were so hurt by it , i don't understand why you would offer it as a suggestion in the first place ...
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What you are contemplating is definably a difficult issue to come to terms with for both partners.
Beginning a relationship as open is one thing; both parties go into the relationship agreed. Changing the dynamics of a monogamy relationship, to open, after so many years and for only one of the partners, will certainly have many unexpected - challenges and emotions.
You will not only have to take your partners and your feeling into consideration but you will have the new element of the third party(s) dynamic’s involved as well. The third party(s) introduction often turns out to be the “Lewis Carroll†element.
It’s certainly possible to succeed, many have; but more have had their lives and the lives of the others involved turned completely upside down – even with the best intentions of all parties. I personally would not do it, but that does not mean it may not be right for you and your partner. You have a difficult decision to make; I wish you and your partner good luck in that decision.
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megumidesu Wrote:if you were so hurt by it , i don't understand why you would offer it as a suggestion in the first place ...
Sometimes things seem like a good idea at first. But over time all the little unforeseen consequences rear their ugly little heads. This is real life. Hindsight is truly 20/20.
All that said, I would suggest there are plenty of ways to be sexual without an erection. It just takes some creativity, but probably the most important part is the WILLINGNESS TO TRY.
If either one isn't willing to TRY, then frustration may be inevitable. I would TRY before I went outside the relationship.
Good luck.
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Anonymous Wrote:Care to know it from the other side?
Long relationship, 14 years of celibacy. I offered an open relationship. It was honest, sincere and it was me offering, not him asking for it.
The moment I noticed he started to think about it, I was terribly hurt, jealous and my heart was broken. Surprise even for me. If he acted on it, it would be the end.
Maybe we would stay together, but the trust and respect would be gone.
I thought I should add to this because I don't want this opinion to negatively turn you off, but there is a valid point made there.
Feelings can change a lot when it is just an idea compared to something that might actually happen.
My partner has a higher sex drive than I do, I love him and trust him and we are sexually active, however I know that there are times when I am not enough for him.
We have discussed it and there have been rare occasions where he has slept with someone else while we have been together, and to be honest it did make me feel a bit weird, but i'm happy that he has done it.
The hardest part is the discussion after, not knowing how much or how little to talk about.
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It all comes down to how you look at sex. Is it an extremely sacred process of emotional bonding between two people who love each other, or a need that doesn't necessarily have to involve love? If you think of it as number two, then you might want to go through with the open relationship.
Truth be told, I can imagine him being kind of hurt knowing that his partner is having sex with other people. However, since he brought it up in the first place, your long period of celibacy must be hurting him as well.
Whatever you decide to do in the end, just make sure to maintain the good communication you two seem to have. Make him understand that
1. I can manage living in celibacy because I want to remain faithful. No need to worry about it.
2. The only reason I'm going through with this is to fulfill my sexual needs. I still love you and won't get emotionally attached to someone etc.
Good luck! 
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Wow! Lots of great input. Thanks all! Strangely, I can see a bit of myself, and my partner Mark, in all of your answers. I haven't made any decisions yet. Still pondering through all of the ramifications. I think that what makes this situation more difficult for us is that we are both traditionalists at heart and we are both deeply in love with each other. We have been together for ten years, married for eight, and both of us were somewhat hypersexual, or at least, very actively engaged ,sexually. We both view sex as a physiological need (see Maslow's hierarchy) for the well-rounded well-being of an individual. Almost immediately after our commitment ceremony, we stopped having sex. Within the first year, Mark was bringing up the discussion of me being able to have outside relationships, purely of a sexual nature. I negated those suggestions at the time. But here I am seven years later, ready to turn 50, and debating the issue in my own mind. So, thanks again for all of the input. I really appreciate it.
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