Feel like a pervert

[Bowyn Aerrow]

What is it.... 60,400 repetitions make one truth.....? Brave new world talking about how repetition of anything makes it a 'truth'.

You have been told how many hundreds of thousands of times that gay ain't ok? Each of those times are going to stand up in the back of your head and shame you for being 'that way'.

Honestly Hank for you being bisexual is a problem than a blessing. Not because there is anything wrong with bisexuality.

Its a problem because you have that other option thus can 'hide' from your gay side and settle for just women. You are not as desperate for love as a 100% gay guy who has to struggle through his own acceptance of who he is in order to be comfortable with pursing his potential mate. You have a slick way to get out of the conundrum and up until recently this has worked well for you.

In a perfect world you would have been raised to believe that any sexuality is OK as long as its two (or more) consenting adults who love and care for one another. In that world you would have none of those voices whispering guilt in the back of your mind and you would be looking for a partner for the long haul instead of agonizing over if your interests in guys is a 'wise choice'.

Love is a key I don't think you have told us you have here. Love, I suspect that for you love is a very important key to many of the issues you have expressed in the time you have been posting.

I think another problem here is you are not so interested in a relationship as you are in sex with the guys you have met to date. Sex is fine and dandy, but I suspect you are cut of a cloth that really needs sex in a loving sort of relationship.


I suspect that in order to bridge this gap between your knowing you can lust for other men and accepting that you are going to need a road of love to help you break through those years of hiding behind the straight mask.

If you have that love and feel it and own it then that 'pervert' feeling, those voices of 'its wrong' will fall nearly silent because your heart will tell you just how right it is.

I didn't date or get in a relationship until I was 24. I was so far in the closet I thought my disinterest in women meant I was a natural celibate. It wasn't until the right fella came along and I fell in love that the whole concept of my possibly being gay even crossed my mind.

It took me 6 long soul searching, agonizing months to really work through the initial 'it is wrong' phase and to balance out what I knew of God and how God felt about gays against those incredibly strong feelings of love I had for that fella.

I came to the simplest terms in my mind: God is love - I felt incredible love for that man - Love is good - Love is God. How could condemn an act of love between two individuals who loved each other?

Another thing that made 'gay ok' in my head for me was that I kept to sex within relationships well aside from those two fellas were I tried casual sex and discovered that I just couldn't be satisfied by that. The message I got from that was that God was telling me that two men making love is not the same thing as two men merely fucking... :eek:

I don't know if your 'thing' is religious based. Back when I had my 'conflict of faith' we didn't have the internet. I had to go to the bible and read with blinders off. It took me about nine months before I stumbled back on the story of David and Jonathan and reading it after having found such a powerful love myself the whole story took on a whole new meaning.


I want you to find a copy of the good Book and read the story of David and Jonathan (Samuel 1 and 2) I want you to try to read it with the blinders off and consider why it is that David said he loved John more than women at john's funeral, or why it is Saul acted as if his Son was doing something nasty instead of just having brother love for David.

If you still don't see the gay links in the bible, then try any of the first few sites here: http://www.google.com/#hl=en&tbo=d&outpu...20&bih=838

If you are still wondering how God feels about LGBT relationships. Then I suggest reading Ruth and her story with Naomi.

In both instances the sex is hinted at, and perhaps you have to have a better understanding of the culture of the time to get why it was such a big deal that Jonathan handed over his clothing to David. Perhaps it helps to understand their relationship just by how John's father reacted so badly.

I think if religion is the problem your problem is not so much with God as it is with the church and ministers who have done a poor job of teaching truth.

[LateBloomer]

I don't know if I feel like a pervert exactly, I just feel wrong. I thought I was finally all gay, gay guys tell me that bisexual is like a transition period, but I was enamored with a lady the other day at work.

As usual, BA is a tough act to follow, but I'm gonna give it a try.



The members who have been here a while might remember when I first signed up I labeled myself as a Single Bi Man. At that time, I hadn't been with a woman for years. But I had my history, you know, trying to BE STRAIGHT, find the right woman, etc...Then I started hooking up with anonymous guys just to scratch that itch. But as I got older I realized this is not the way I want to live when I'm 50 or 60.

So...I searched for a possible mate. And I found one. But while we're still in the early stages of a possible long term relationship I decided to change my label on this site from Bi to Gay.

Did I change? Well, in some ways I guess, on the inside. But basically I was the same person. So this is why it's important to not put very much weight into labeling ourselves. It's grossly inaccurate. Saying "I'm gay" for me really tells YOU nothing about myself. And honestly, I don't really feel "gay" per se. I just happen to love a man and want to make a home with him.

The point is, put let less emphasis on the label. That will confuse some people but you know what? That's their problem. Let THEM sort it out.

As for you and God, I mentioned this before. I think it's in Luke, He says, "I knew your name before you were born."

God made you.
God knows you.
And God loves you.

No matter what anyone else says about the Bible or church doctrine, I hope those last three thoughts give you some solace.

Best,

[hank]

What is it.... 60,400 repetitions make one truth.....? Brave new world talking about how repetition of anything makes it a 'truth'.

You have been told how many hundreds of thousands of times that gay ain't ok? Each of those times are going to stand up in the back of your head and shame you for being 'that way'.

Honestly Hank for you being bisexual is a problem than a blessing. Not because there is anything wrong with bisexuality.

Its a problem because you have that other option thus can 'hide' from your gay side and settle for just women. You are not as desperate for love as a 100% gay guy who has to struggle through his own acceptance of who he is in order to be comfortable with pursing his potential mate. You have a slick way to get out of the conundrum and up until recently this has worked well for you.

In a perfect world you would have been raised to believe that any sexuality is OK as long as its two (or more) consenting adults who love and care for one another. In that world you would have none of those voices whispering guilt in the back of your mind and you would be looking for a partner for the long haul instead of agonizing over if your interests in guys is a 'wise choice'.

Love is a key I don't think you have told us you have here. Love, I suspect that for you love is a very important key to many of the issues you have expressed in the time you have been posting.

I think another problem here is you are not so interested in a relationship as you are in sex with the guys you have met to date. Sex is fine and dandy, but I suspect you are cut of a cloth that really needs sex in a loving sort of relationship.


I suspect that in order to bridge this gap between your knowing you can lust for other men and accepting that you are going to need a road of love to help you break through those years of hiding behind the straight mask.

If you have that love and feel it and own it then that 'pervert' feeling, those voices of 'its wrong' will fall nearly silent because your heart will tell you just how right it is.

I didn't date or get in a relationship until I was 24. I was so far in the closet I thought my disinterest in women meant I was a natural celibate. It wasn't until the right fella came along and I fell in love that the whole concept of my possibly being gay even crossed my mind.

It took me 6 long soul searching, agonizing months to really work through the initial 'it is wrong' phase and to balance out what I knew of God and how God felt about gays against those incredibly strong feelings of love I had for that fella.

I came to the simplest terms in my mind: God is love - I felt incredible love for that man - Love is good - Love is God. How could condemn an act of love between two individuals who loved each other?

Another thing that made 'gay ok' in my head for me was that I kept to sex within relationships well aside from those two fellas were I tried casual sex and discovered that I just couldn't be satisfied by that. The message I got from that was that God was telling me that two men making love is not the same thing as two men merely fucking... :eek:

I don't know if your 'thing' is religious based. Back when I had my 'conflict of faith' we didn't have the internet. I had to go to the bible and read with blinders off. It took me about nine months before I stumbled back on the story of David and Jonathan and reading it after having found such a powerful love myself the whole story took on a whole new meaning.


I want you to find a copy of the good Book and read the story of David and Jonathan (Samuel 1 and 2) I want you to try to read it with the blinders off and consider why it is that David said he loved John more than women at john's funeral, or why it is Saul acted as if his Son was doing something nasty instead of just having brother love for David.

If you still don't see the gay links in the bible, then try any of the first few sites here: http://www.google.com/#hl=en&tbo=d&outpu...20&bih=838

If you are still wondering how God feels about LGBT relationships. Then I suggest reading Ruth and her story with Naomi.

In both instances the sex is hinted at, and perhaps you have to have a better understanding of the culture of the time to get why it was such a big deal that Jonathan handed over his clothing to David. Perhaps it helps to understand their relationship just by how John's father reacted so badly.

I think if religion is the problem your problem is not so much with God as it is with the church and ministers who have done a poor job of teaching truth.

I can't do casual sex I do find some people very attractive, but if they propositioned me it couldn't do it, I would have to get to know them, trust them.

[MisterTinkles]

I am fine with him, just still a bit not so with me. I feel so ashamed, I don't know why.

Its that Southern upbringing getting you confused and down.

Youre fighting all the steretypical BS that you have heard, read, and been taught.

Dont worry, theres nothing wrong with you, you will come to a conclusion one day, on your own, deciding who you really are and what you need out of life and other people. Then all these conflciting feelings will go away and you can go forward with your life, as you see fit.

Most teens and young adults go through this kind of stage in growing up...some more than others---

Am I pretty?
Am I a man?
Am I a woman?
Am I wanted?
Am I loved?
Who am I?
Am I gay?
Am I straight?
Am I a freak for feeling like this?
Am I weird for thinking like this?


Regardless of what the situation is, or what its about, we all go through some part of this.

You are figuring out who you are, what you want in life, what you want out of life, and how to handle whats going on right now in your life. You will be confused, you will have these feelings and emotions. But you are becoming more mature by doing this and finding out who you are.

Dont worry, its just life.




Im also with you on the "getting to know someone" first, before sex is even mentioned.
Be ready for some real flack from the "gay" community over this, as this is something that is made fun of, joked about, and used as harassment by the gay community to other gays. You will learn to deal with this also.


Youre not a perv, youre just growing up.

[Rainbowmum]

Hank sweetie ,there is nothing wrong with you , you are not a pervert.
Residual programing does not go away over a few months , it may take a year or two.

[Fearful7980]

I really like what Minster Tinkles had to say, and feel it's because what I read in the Bible about "When I was a child, I understood, spoke, and thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things."

I feel that we each have come to a point in the growth and development of our sexuallity on which labels are now being put; And as for me I do not like.

The fact that I have come to see the beauty in the male body parts, even as I saw those in the female's body; may seem to make me some-what Gay when it comes to what now looks sexy
to me; And this is what it seem to be all about. these days. And thus the fear of being called or labeled like a pervert.

A pervert as I see it, is one who leads or turns from a right way to a wrong way of looking at something with a wrong desire that can be seen as criminal or patently harmful or dangerous.
It matters not, if it is an adult or a child, our sexual behavior, conduct and expression will exhibit, show and be revealed to those who seek to labal us; staright, gay and or bi-sexual.
When for the most part, we can feel, and not act on all if not most of these feelings as we face them in a life time of love, strong passion, and lust.

This seems to be one of those days, when you feel like you want to show off a little. (smiles)

[Counselor]

I have accepted my sexuality, even embraced it. I have a friend, a good friend, one that lets me talk openly to him about my desires and what not. But I just feel so perverted some times. I feel as though this is just residual programming that I am trying to undo, but its the same feeling I had always had.

Is this something I need help with?

The only thing you need help with is validating your own feelings. They belong to you, no one else. Accepting your sexuality and being confident in your feelings are not the same thing. The next step is for you to start seeing that what you feel is real to you, and it is worth pursuing for your own happiness.

[Johnny]

you talk to a straight guy about your gay feelings and it makes you feel strange/pervert...sounds about right to me.

Try doing the same with a gay guy, you will probably feel differently.

Give yourself a break, you're coming to terms with being gay, talking about feelings etc is hard enough when straight, but when gay and talking to a straight guy it is going to feel strange, did you really expect it to feel normal straight away?

[Wade]

you talk to a straight guy about your gay feelings and it makes you feel strange/pervert...sounds about right to me.

Funny. I have a straight friend with whom I can't talk about the fact that I'm gay with as well. We have a very bro like friendship. I don't feel like a pervert, but I feel like it would make him uncomfortable for me to talk about my sexuality, even though he's totally cool and has even inquired about my love life (he does know I'm gay. I didn't tell him though, someone else must've). I still refuse.

I guess it's a more common feeling that I had thought.

Oh, and welcome to GaySpeak. Enjoy your complimentary GaySpeak welcome popcorn!

[Johnny]

Thanks for the welcome Wade.

Think you might have misunderstood, I wasn't saying talking to a straight guy should make you feel strange but that, if you are still coming to turns yourself with being gay as Hank seems to be, then you can expect to feel a bit strange, just being a guy and talking about feeling is new to us if you listen to the women, add in the gay thing and it's a learning curve.