So, I'm sure you're all familiar with the 3rd date rule, right? (In which the 3rd date is typically known as the "sex date.") Well, does that still apply if you've never had sex before? On our 2nd date, things got pretty hot and heavy, and ended up with us being naked and almost having sex, but we both decided it was too soon. Our 3rd date is coming up this Valentine's Day, and we decided to get a hotel. (The idea of the hotel was not proposed as something sexy. We live 90 minutes from each other, and both have roommates, and we thought getting a hotel would be a neat way for us to meet half way, and not have to hide in a corner from our roomies for some private time.) I'm assuming that since we're going to be in a hotel, on Valentine's Day, some things will be attempted. I'm willing to have sex with him, I like him a lot...and it seems he likes me a lot too. I know that I'm ready to have sex...and I can't wait forever. I'm just worried that I might be awful, or he might get sex and never talk to me again. So, I guess what I'm wondering is.....if I'm ready to have sex, and it goes that far, should I go through with it? My plan right now is to see how I feel that night, and trust my instincts. Good plan?
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dont have sex unless ure ready. trust ur intuition. but that doesnt mean u shouldnt bring condoms as a precaution to where it may lead
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tealwindex Wrote:My plan right now is to see how I feel that night, and trust my instincts. Good plan? That is a brilliant plan and the best you can do. It's exactly what I would do in your position.
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tealwindex Wrote:My plan right now is to see how I feel that night, and trust my instincts. Good plan? Great plan! Go prepared. Be safe. Listen to your instincts and be sensitive to what's going on for him. Hopefully you will both want the same thing, whether that's just snuggling or going for it. You only get one first time. A hotel... Valentine's Day... sounds like you're setting it up right. 
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Ha. ha. ha. 3rd date rule is BS in my books. I have a 30 day no sex guaranteed policy to make certain that what the guy is really looking for is a relationship and not just a romp in the hay.
Now if you have had 3 dates and its past 30 days, then yeah. IF what you are looking for is a relationship and you have spent the past 30 days getting to know each other as people.
3 dates to bed in a week is way too short to determine if there is real chemistry and a hope for a relationship.
Yes you can wait forever. I made my first wait 6 months while I agonized over the whole 'Am I gay' question. Followed by 'OMG what does two men do in a bed anyway?'.
After all this is your first time - FIRST time. I bet you want that to be special and really with the 'right guy'. Trust me it worth being with that right guy. I was real lucky in that department. I have heard horror stories of people who discovered after giving it up that it wasn't the right person and they firmly regret that the person wasn't 'The One'.
So yeah, for your first you can make him wait to be as certain as possible that he is right. he should understand how special this is for you and not put any pressure on you to perform.
And let it happen naturally. Preplanned sessions in bed rarely turn out as special and fun as the ones that just happen natural. So don't pressure yourself to have to do more than snuggle and sleep in the same bed all night without 'sleeping' (having sex).
Yeah take condoms and lube - just in case, but if the mood isn't right don't force yourself(selves).
This isn't a race and there are no dead set goals in place here.
Besides, if you try to force the moment you won't relax, and it won't be as enjoyable, or worse you get performance anxiety and can't get it up.
Whatever you did on that second date getting all "hot and ready" for action should happen again. Nature will take her course if this is the right time. And if this is the right guy.
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Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:Ha. ha. ha. 3rd date rule is BS in my books. I have a 30 day no sex guaranteed policy to make certain that what the guy is really looking for is a relationship and not just a romp in the hay.
Now if you have had 3 dates and its past 30 days, then yeah. IF what you are looking for is a relationship and you have spent the past 30 days getting to know each other as people.
3 dates to bed in a week is way too short to determine if there is real chemistry and a hope for a relationship.
Yes you can wait forever. I made my first wait 6 months while I agonized over the whole 'Am I gay' question. Followed by 'OMG what does two men do in a bed anyway?'.
After all this is your first time - FIRST time. I bet you want that to be special and really with the 'right guy'. Trust me it worth being with that right guy. I was real lucky in that department. I have heard horror stories of people who discovered after giving it up that it wasn't the right person and they firmly regret that the person wasn't 'The One'.
So yeah, for your first you can make him wait to be as certain as possible that he is right. he should understand how special this is for you and not put any pressure on you to perform.
And let it happen naturally. Preplanned sessions in bed rarely turn out as special and fun as the ones that just happen natural. So don't pressure yourself to have to do more than snuggle and sleep in the same bed all night without 'sleeping' (having sex).
Yeah take condoms and lube - just in case, but if the mood isn't right don't force yourself(selves).
This isn't a race and there are no dead set goals in place here.
Besides, if you try to force the moment you won't relax, and it won't be as enjoyable, or worse you get performance anxiety and can't get it up.
Whatever you did on that second date getting all "hot and ready" for action should happen again. Nature will take her course if this is the right time. And if this is the right guy.
As usual, Bowyn is absolutely correct. Listen to his advice! 
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There's a RULE?! omg thats awful! I've never dated and I wouldn't want to if sex was something expected and schedualed like that! I think thats horrible! To expect it so early in a relationship- I mean I know everyones different its up to the individuals but to be expected?!
I never knew that and thats scary! If you're like me and refuse to be physical unless you know that person is serious about you and is looking to be with you, committed to you for the long run, will that put them off?
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OK- To answer questions, it has been a little over 30 days. I met him online, and we started texting, then one night we really hit it off and were texting until 4:30 AM, and we decided we should go out. So we had our first date a few days later, and I was expecting it to just be a dinner date, but it lasted about 8 hours. Then the 2nd date lasted about 8 hours as well...and now we're up to Date #3.
I wasn't planning on having sex on Date #3. It's not a general rule for me or anything. I just know that some people consider the 3rd date to be the date where that happens....especially if things have been leading up to it. If we had no chemistry and hadn't even kissed or anything yet, I wouldn't even be considering it.
But...here's also where it gets tricky. On Date #2, when we almost had sex, there was a point in the evening where a condom was put on me. I really wasn't expecting that....I've always considered myself to be more the more submissive person in the relationship, and our date dynamics up until that point had led me to believe that I was...so, that kind of threw me for a loop. Nothing happened though. And I think he said something about how he would wear the condom next time, or something, so maybe he likes to switch it up, which I would be fine with, I think....I just wasn't expecting it, I guess.
So, anyway....I'm just going to buy some wine/other alcohols, bring those with me, suggest we order some food, hang out, talk, and see what happens. I think.....I'll probably throw some awkward conversations in there too, because it's the 3rd date....are there things I should ask him before it gets to the point of having sex, that would make me feel better about it, without being TOO awkward?
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keep my reply simple:[SIZE="7"]
yes[/SIZE]
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Thanks. That's a very simple answer. *Sigh* So many mixed messages....I wish there was a clear cut answer. I'll just have to wait and see, I guess....I'm just worried about being a miserable hot mess like the day later, if I don't hear anything. Oh...the stress of it all. Trying to have a relationship sucks. It'd be neat if you could skip the trying to be in a relationship part, and just magically end up in one.
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