Is it just me. Forever alone

[Aeneas]

dont have sex with a guy on your first date (or on the day you met him) if you are interested in him.


if you make him wait for the dessert, you will have time to spend quality time together and grow the mutual feelings; and if he is unwilling to wait, he was probably not ready for a relationship nor will you feel as used the following day. plus he will probably respect you more for it.

only allow yourself to have one night stands with people you do not intend to see ever again - have sex on your terms.

[NeedAdvice]

I have never been in a relationship regardless I want one so bad.
Also, something happened yesterday made me wonder why? Is it just me or everyone else goes through same shit.

I am 21, well educated, have a bright future career ahead. I can see myself as an attractive guys, going to the gym 3-4 times a week and have new guys call me cute at least one time every 2 weeks. I am not a nasty or bitchy kind of gay guy at all. Indeed, I am a nice guy and very sociable. I replied to grindr msgs of guys that I am not even interested ( in a friendly way, but not to hurt their feelings). When I date people, I am faithful enough to not hurt them on their back but still give them their spaces. I understand what it takes for a relationship to work.

BUT, I have never successful at dating. To be exact, I have never been able to date anyone more than 3 months. And generally, I am the one who got dumped.

The reason for this rant was: about my last night date.
I went on a date with a guy I have been talking to for a week on grindr. We met at a really nice restaurant, had good conversation with some deep topics. He took the bill ( which was not cheap at all ) so I guess he enjoyed the time. Then he asked to go play pool with him. It was early so we had the whole place for ourself. ( you can think of a scene in a movie) and had a great time. Then we went back to his room, made love.
Then we went to a private swimming pool and only 2 of us there. It was nice and romantic. And we ended up cuddling sleeping together the whole night.

We woke up, had more fun. He even gave me goodbye kiss.

But I felt something odd. I waited the whole day for him to text me but he didn't. And When I texted him, he replied with a long message.
Basically, his ex ( who was in a 5 years long relationship with him then ran off with some other guys last november ) called my guy and wanted him back.
My guy couldn't handle that and starting a new love interest with me. So here gone my perfect guy and the perfect date.

And things like that do not only happen to me once.
I felt a little bit fucked up and started thinking. Maybe, it 's me the problem not because shits happen every time. I have so much to offer but maybe something is wrong about me.
I felt really depress right now so I just want to write to share my thought.

Two factors:

1. You found him on Grindr, which is where you go to hook up, not find a date. Most if not all gay sites (I think all of em) are used mostly for a hook up, and there seems to be a dominant idea in the gay community that sex beats relationships. That's why you see so many open relationships (I don't agree with em but they're popular) So when you go to a website, the chances of finding someone who'll use you for a hook up is like 99%.

2. You gave it up on a first date. He pays for the dinner and you relax in the pool and BAM he gets some. I would NEVER consider anyone a serious partner if I got to fuck em on the first day.

[posterpicture]

only allow yourself to have one night stands with people you do not intend to see ever again - have sex on your terms.

This is one of the best advice I have heard so far. Thank you.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

As everyone else pretty much pointed out, Grinder is pretty much a hook-up only type app where the majority of guys there are are looking for just sex.

There are other personal ad places which are more for the romantic/relationship oriented. I am trying OKCupid, put m shingle out last weekend and thus far had three guys who wanted to hook up for just sex. So even on those sites which are supposed to be directed toward relationships, you will find a lot of 'lets fuck' hits.

In this case, I think that this guy used you.

IF you are ok with just sex, then fine - keep on using the Grinder, and don't put much hope in finding true love.

IF you are not ok with 'just sex' and want a serious relationship, then you need to come up with a few ground rules and make it clear right from the start where you stand.

I personally have a 30 day no sex policy. This month wait is real good at pushing the 'just sex' minded fellows away. A few who are intent on 'scoring' will hang on, but with serious dating, lots of talking and keeping the subject on track with 'I want a long term relationship' will flush out the hanger-ons.

One problem you have against you is your age group. Lots of 20 somethings are enjoying their adulthood and exploring a lot of stuff. The majority are not really interested in settling down, and some to many will work real hard to keep single, keep their options open thus be less likely to allow themselves to fall in love.

Might as well come up with two or three other 'hard no's' when it comes to relationships as well.

Mine are:

1. No hitting/abuse/violence.
2. No cheating. I'm a firm believer in monogamy ONLY.
3. Safe sex and regular STD testing.

These are my big three, I will not budge topics. Pretty much everything else I am willing to adjust to/adapt with and compromise.

Make your list short, sweet and tell the guy who shows interest. This way they know where you are coming from.

As for dating - it can be hard, or it can be easy depending on both parties and if there is chemistry.

Desperation in a person is a bad thing when it comes to dating. if you suspect you are desperately seeking a relationship, then its time to stop looking for one and focus on 'me' (yourself, not me silly) and seek an understanding of who this 'me' person is.

I have found love and relationships in the common day places, and the majority of them happened when I was least interested in dating/relationship. I think that the aloofness, or not caring aspect may be more attractive to many guys.

Also understand you are 21, you have a long life ahead of you. Getting into a relationship isn't all that important at this point. Perhaps instead of focusing on potential love interest you should start to focus on friendships. After all, you are going to want your partner to be a friend.