I have a 66 year old straight friend!!!!

[gilhooly]

Recently an old friend called me. He said some unusual things.

"John, I always loved you because you were so openly gay. You were 10 years old when you came out. You have been openly gay for a long time."

"So what. Who gives a shit? If I wasn't gay I might be straight like you are. How's it hanging, Kevin?"

"Now, John, you cannot possibly believe that gay men go to heaven. You cannot possibly believe that."

"Kev, I can't guess any reason why gay men can't go to heaven. Enlighten me."

"Now, John, do I hear a hint of anger in your voice. You can't get angry at a straight guy. Straight men rule the world and we laugh at gay guys like you."

"Kev, watch your mouth. I know where you live. What are you trying to tell me?"

"John, I am the most normal guy you ever met. I never ever considered masturbating in 66 years. I am not that kind of guy, John. Only faggots and misfits like to masturbate. I am a life long Republican and have never considered voting for a non white candidate. You said you voted for Gus Hall and Angela Davis in 1972. Is that right? You voted for a kike and a nigger for President?"

"Kev, watch your mouth. They were both citizens and over 35. I liked voting for them."

"John, you cannot believe that an Irishman can vote for a nigger and a hebe and get into heaven. John, I am the most normal guy you ever knew. I had my first orgasm on my wedding night when I was 24. Now, John, 97% of all men want to have their first orgasm on their honeymoon."

"Kev, you are developing a sense of humor. Do you really believe most guys never masturbate and have only sex with their wives?"

"Yes, John, most guys are not preverts like you. You must realize you are going to hell for defying the word of God."

"Kev, the word is pronounced perverts. Precisely when did God start talking to you. I have a much higher IQ than you. God might like to talk to a smart guy like me... Kev, on Parris Island, I had a perfect IQ. Your IQ proved you were smarter than a jackass. Was I wrong? You don't sound very bright."

"John, I was a manly marine not a gay marine like you."

"Kev, my phone has a nasty buzz. Let me get back to you. See ya." I hung up.

I hate to lose an old friend even if he is a bit ignorant. Give me some ammunition to come back at him. you can tell me where to look it up on the internet.

I do not believe he is normal. 97% of guys don't wait until their honeymoon to have their first orgasm. Maybe some real statistics might show him that he is more unusual than most gay guys.

[Pix]

He sounds to me like he's either trolling you for his own amusement or that he's not entirely sane with a very selective memory (I have met a few "amnesiacs" who morbidly fascinate me with how absurdly convenient their memories are). If he's trolling then it's best to ignore so that he finds a new game to amuse himself with. OTOH, if he's a little crazy then humor him and move on.

This isn't the same as giving up to oppressors as this deals with someone incapable of being rational but who likely doesn't matter much anyway. It's like when little kids have been scared of monsters (and I'd probably do the same for an adult tripping on drugs or a bit crazy), I don't tell them how ridiculous they're being I check the closet and under the bed (often laughing at myself as I wonder what I'd do if a clawed hand or hooked tentacle reached out and grabbed me) and otherwise playing along with their irrational fears rather than telling them they're being ridiculous as it's much easier and avoids a pointless argument. It's not like I have to pretend there's monsters all the time. And I'd see this as similar, if someone in their 60s said that I'd probably make up some BS how I prayed the gay away and thank him for telling me so I didn't go to Hell (yeah his message is utter garbage, but if it shuts him up then it's worth it). Course if I were still fooling around or whatever I'd take pains to be sure I wasn't caught, but really how hard is it to fool someone that absurdly stupid?

Course people that absurdly stupid can be easy to play with (I'd be tempted to say I got hold of some of his bodily fluids and used it in a spell so that Beelzebub takes his soul instead of mine while I steal his spot in Heaven, "It happens more than you know") if it amuses you to do so, but it's not very kind (and I don't recall doing that since I was a teenager myself), but maybe you don't have a problem with it. It depends on how much drama you want in your life.

Of course simply shunning him is another option.

[Woollyhats]

I would have been incredibly hurt. To be honest, I'd have let it go, asked for a hug from someone, and moved on.

[gilhooly]

Dear Pix and Kumawool:

Shunning is not an option. Kevin married my oldest living best friend. She currently suffers from dementia and can't answer the phone. I am godfather to his 37 year old bachelor son. I am close to his 30 year old daughter and we have tons of relatives and friends in common. To see his wife, I have to be kind to him. He is a bit of a moron and a nasty bully. The guy I loved, Tom, despised Kevin and called him a male gold digger. "Hey, John, how much does Kevin owe you?" I refused to answer because I never told his wife I gave him money. He is a nasty coward and bullied his younger brother Billy. Billy became a heroin addict and Kevin made fun of him. Three years ago, he found out my friend Pat had six years to live. Kevin has not told his children. He doesn't want them to waste time on their mother. He wants them to get more raises and promotions. Both make over 6 figures. They are bright like their mother. Why she married this asshole was not my idea. She loved him and they got married. To keep peace I am nice to this guy.
I would really like to prove how stupid he is. That takes facts. I am by nature a factual guy. Kevin pretends to be a factual guy but he doesn't like to read books. He drinks and watches sports on TV. I am cold sober and hate talking to guys filled with self pity.
I am stuck with Kevin as a friend until his wife dies which I hate to think about. She was always so much alive. As a kid of 6 she taught me to swim. She introduced me to my library mom, Barbara. I had fun with Pat looking for dead bodies in the park when the Umbrella Man was killing people in the Heights. I have great memories of his wife. Shitty memories of him.
Kevin is strange. It has never occurred to him that his two unmarried children might be gay. He says he would kill them an boil them in hot oil. He is a real creepy dad. I will hang in there for as long as I may be helpful to members of his family some of which are very nice and gay, but Kevin hasn't guessed that. Unless he saw me 69 Tom, he believes I am probably kidding him. Real people are never gay says Kev. They are as fucking boring as he is.

[ToddYoung]

Firstly, you could point out to him that animals engage in homosexual behaviour:




Then you could point out to him the prevalence of masturbation among humans:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-...ion-really

[ToddYoung]

The video is the first part of six if anyone's interested.

[fjp999]

I dont think you have a fighting chance with this idiot and facts.

If you took the advice of ToddYoung on the Psychology Today article I am sure he would just say it was written by some fags! I am sure he wont take any facts but his own!

His facts are kind of like my moms. She considered herself religious but knew nothing about the bible while I fell out of the church around the forth grade... but could at least remember what I digested.

She always remembered things the way she wanted to and they backed up her beliefs no matter a hundred people told her different

[Bowyn Aerrow]

At 66 he is too set in his ways. While there are plenty of sites out there that discuss the normalcy of sexuality, and will demonstrate that men masturbate, I fear he can easily counter with illogical arguments.

This whole going to heaven when we die myth is exactly that a myth. No where in the bible does it say everyone goes to heaven. In fact a reading of Revelation (the last book of the bible) reveals that we all go to hell (The grave is hell) and we lay in our graves until the final judgment.

Our reward is not in Heaven. Jesus comes down to earth, judges us here on earth, and the unworthy are sent off to the 'second death' oblivion and the worthy take up residence here on earth which is this earth after its 'remodeled'.

Very few individuals in the bible get to heaven, the rest of us molder in our grave awaiting the final trump.

While I have pointed this out, pointing to specific passages to prove this... few 'Christians' actually believe it and its coming out of the exact same book that they seem to find supporting evidence for the idea that they are going to heaven.

You cannot argue with those types of mind, they are so dead set on what they believe that no matter what you pull up as evidence they discount as being rubbish, as being Satan telling lies, as being you making up things.

It is a no win situation.

Jesus said absolutely nothing on the Homosexual question. Even when you point it out they will throw out Paul's words, or Leviticus and attribute it to Jesus. Simple, hard facts like this are not acceptable to their minds, they flat refuse to accept truth.

You just need to sit there and grit your teeth and let his words stream over you like water off a ducks back. This is one situation where fighting back is a hopeless chore.

Sorry.

[megumidesu]

it's really difficult for me to give a crap about your opinions of anything when you judge my entire gender by childhood experiences, and me by the fact that i happen to have two X chromosomes and be female.

[ToddYoung]

Yes, there's little point trying to convince someone who's obviously insane using logic.