"you don't look gay to me"

[Genersis]

If I remember correctly, in Japanese culture, the standard gay stereotype is super-macho.mile:

[strangerrr]

This is true; but did you know?
Pink used to be the boy's colour(Blood, aggression, assertiveness) and blue for girls(Virgin Mary, purity, passive.)
...
Why do I get the feeling everyone here knows this already?

interesting!
i know colors had different meanings from a culture to another

[Genersis]

interesting!
i know colors had different meanings from a culture to another

Oh, yes. That's to be expected.mile:

[SolemnBoy]

It depends. Some people manage to say things like that without intending to be offensive. Of course I think it's bad when people associate a sexuality with a certain look/behaviour but if they're generally accepting I don't really mind "blunders" like that. After all they have been raised in a society that promotes stereotypes in media as well as fiction so all I ask for is acceptance - not complete understanding even if that'd be ideal.

[strangerrr]

I think a lot of effeminate behaviors is to 'cue' others to preferred role in a relationship (and in bed). "Straight acting" or Masculine behaviors tend to cue that one is a 'top' or more dominate.

The term 'Butch Bottom' is used by straight acting gay men who prefer the more passive role (in and out of bed).

Out in the rural areas gays tend to be more 'straight acting'. I hate that term because there is no real act - just a guy being a guy. Urban gays tend to be more flamboyant. I think part of it is due to gays 'flagging' what they are to find other gays in dense population areas, another part is due to the greater tolerance urbanites have toward diversity and some of it due to 'signaling' your role in the potential relationship.

I have known 'upside down' couples where the more 'nelly' guy was actually the top and the more straight acting guy was the bottom. However the general belief was that the 'nellier' guy was the bottom. It was an immediate assumption by most people.

I think this ties in to our upbringing that femininity means one is the receiver and masculinity means that one is the giver. That largely ties in with genders and the roles they have to conform too.

Like it or not, most LGBT grew up in a 'straight world' where gender roles play a huge part of every aspect of life. There is a lot of gender programing still going on, from the moment one is born the doctor looks between the legs and your life is set in stone.

Boys get blue, girls get pink. A doll is brought for the baby girl, a piece of sports equipment is brought for the boy. Girls are allowed to express/show their emotions, boys are told to 'be a man'.... If a boy wants to play with dolls or have an easy bake oven - everyone get worried. If a girl wants to play sports, learn mechanics this is 'wrong' in the minds of others.

Such 'programing' affects all of us regardless of our sexual orientation.

Back in Turkey, in the gay community only masc gays are accepted. although i got great attention there,i felt a great deal of prejudice against fem guys.
even in greece, where male love started, it was about masculinity, even for a receiver. it is all about same sex attraction after all.

i even started feeling that top gay guys around me are not very gay, since they go for the fem looks. maybe this is the cultural differences that i am facing in the gay community. while back in Turkey, or Greece (i visited there too) both sides of the bed adore masc features. if you flip through profiles on turkish dating websites, 90% of them prefer the hairy stocky muscular masc looks anytime and every time. heck they get very hard watching oil wrestling (bunch of beefy guys in olive oil wrestling the crap out of each other). idk, maybe the other types also existed there, and i never saw it. sometimes i miss that place so badly .

now, having a fem look doesn't make fem; for example, there are very masc twinks, but they also have the boyish (somewhat fem) look, well you know what i mean.

so here, if you are gay you are either a fem, or a guy with Adonis body. i am not fem, and i don't have body of Adonis. i am not welling to change anything, except getting more muscles. but the good thing is, i set an example for diversity in the gay community. so that people would know gays are individuals.

[strangerrr]

I read somewhere, and it was very convincingly put that the stereotype of Gay men as coy and effeminite is largley an invention of the last 100 years, maybe that's because we face less prejudice ,I agree with bowyen arrow I hate the term straight acting, etc we are a whole range of things Gay or straight ,and for me truth is the best things, even if one seems stupid

as far as i know, since ancient times masculinity was the symbol of male love. like secret band of Thebes, that only included same sex couples fighting with each other. so each soldier would fight to defend the city, and also to defend his partner who is fight with him.
again another exmaple from Turkey, since the rise of the Ottoman empire, old fashion gyms and bath houses were places for men to have sex with each other

i think the Turks inherited this from the Greek.

[strangerrr]

It depends. Some people manage to say things like that without intending to be offensive. Of course I think it's bad when people associate a sexuality with a certain look/behaviour but if they're generally accepting I don't really mind "blunders" like that. After all they have been raised in a society that promotes stereotypes in media as well as fiction so all I ask for is acceptance - not complete understanding even if that'd be ideal.

oh yeah! stereotypes, how i hate them.
they are not accurate most of the time, if never.

[MisterTinkles]

I have not had this said to me often, in fact its extremely rare that anyone has said this to me.

I dont find the comment offensive...what I find offensive is somebody this brain dead is allowed to live, much less be out in the world infecting others with thier brain deadness.

[strangerrr]

I have not had this said to me often, in fact its extremely rare that anyone has said this to me.

I dont find the comment offensive...what I find offensive is somebody this brain dead is allowed to live, much less be out in the world infecting others with thier brain deadness.

i couldn't get what you wrote

[Corsac]

I've had this before, I remember I said something along the lines of "It's not the weekend babe" in a sarcastic way or something familiar.