03-16-2013, 01:23 AM
I have known this guy for nine months. We were friends with benefits for seven of these although he wanted more and really wanted to commit to me. I was not sure as there is a 15 year age gap and I am 21. Even as fwbs we told each other we loved each other but I only found I wanted to commit three months ago now. However, one weekend I told him that we should delete our gaydar and grindr accounts now that we had committed. He replied that 'he wasn't sure what he wanted anymore?' I was shocked, he was way more into me for so long even though I now loved him. I questioned him and he said 'I don't know how or why but things have changed' I asked him if we were over - he replied 'we are not finished, I just need to reassess my life and need space to think as I am very unhappy with my life right now. The next day I questioned him further and asked him if he still had feelings for me and he said yes and that he just needed time to think and that everything would be ok. I was okay at this point as I did not feel too rejected but the next day he said 'I do not feel the same for you as I did before and I think we should stop seeing each other, am so sorry' I was devastated, he was always so loving towards me and now this...I asked him if there was anything I could do. He said no, that I was still the same person as when he met me. He agreed to give things another chance and take things slow. I met him the next day at his house and he said again 'the thing is I just don't feel the same anymore' and then he went on about how he threw his friend out for not paying rent, is not replying to his friends' text as he is sick of them and doesn't want to see them at the moment, how he is stressed with not having seen his 2 month old grand-daughter yet and because his daughter does not want to see him anymore (long story), his being unemployed for a year now and also his subsequent weight gain. So I said that maybe the depression is causing him to lose feelings for me where he replied 'I don't want to get in to that frame of mind. That night we tried to rekindle things; we had sex even though he was not that in the mood, he said he was not interested in sex anymore but would at moments want to find a one night stand on gaydar but would usually get bored of the idea (he was also chating on gaydar now but he said he was not looking for anyone but simply looking for chat)
The next week I texted him. He replied that everything was dull in life at the moment. He said that he now believed I could be right, that it could be the depression and that he wanted things to go back to how they were. The next day however, he changed his tune agian and when I asked him if he meant what he said, he asked me to stop asking questions and that he didn't have any idea what was going on. I was so confused
Right now it's 3 weeks later, I am a bit distraught, the last thing of note we texted about a week ago is that 'I need time and space to be able to be friends or anything with you right now, I am not seeing anyone or looking for anyone .
The most painful thing is that I logged into gaydar tonight and see his new status as 'looking to hook up later' I felt that a depressed person would not be looking for sex but maybe I am wrong? I just don't know whether to feel if he is depressed or simply not interested. If he is depressed, he is not using medication for it even though he suffered from it before (he told me it was a really dark place). Any help would be appreciated as I am so confused and sad as he is not answering my texts at the moment. sorry for the disorganisation on this post, my head is all over the place.
The next week I texted him. He replied that everything was dull in life at the moment. He said that he now believed I could be right, that it could be the depression and that he wanted things to go back to how they were. The next day however, he changed his tune agian and when I asked him if he meant what he said, he asked me to stop asking questions and that he didn't have any idea what was going on. I was so confused
Right now it's 3 weeks later, I am a bit distraught, the last thing of note we texted about a week ago is that 'I need time and space to be able to be friends or anything with you right now, I am not seeing anyone or looking for anyone .
The most painful thing is that I logged into gaydar tonight and see his new status as 'looking to hook up later' I felt that a depressed person would not be looking for sex but maybe I am wrong? I just don't know whether to feel if he is depressed or simply not interested. If he is depressed, he is not using medication for it even though he suffered from it before (he told me it was a really dark place). Any help would be appreciated as I am so confused and sad as he is not answering my texts at the moment. sorry for the disorganisation on this post, my head is all over the place.