Confused

[VileKyle]

Heya. I'm Kyle and I've always considered myself straight. I don't plan on changing that necessarily, but I'll try not to get too stuck on labels. My problem is that since my recent divorce with my wife, and even a bit before it happened, I've had sexual thoughts and urges about men. Maybe I shouldn't say it's a problem exactly, but being 100% straight all my life, it is really confusing to me.

I still like women, but at least half the time when I'm horny I fantasize about men. It's not just passing thoughts, or I wouldn't get too caught up on it. When I fantasize, I really place myself there and enjoy the idea of it. Within the last week I've been really turned on by the idea of making that fantasy a reality.

I've also noticed that while watching porn, I visualize myself as the woman rather than the man. That part isn't even a recent change. Now I have a very low sex drive because of my depression disorder (part of what ended the marriage) so I am not really that interested in sex. But when I am interested, this is what goes through my mind.

Talking to anyone I know about this would be extremely embarrassing to me, since I have a terrible anxiety disorder on top of my depression. So this is better than nothing. I don't know if I am looking for advice, or if I am just getting this out there where someone can see it. Maybe I just need someone to listen who won't judge me for once.

[Aeneas]

"A man is not what he thinks he is, but what he thinks, he is" - Max R Hickerson.

[Peter]

most people are not 100% straight or gay. there's nothing wrong with the thoughts or fantasies you're having. if you really want to try something with a guy then you have to get out & meet someone. maybe you'll find you're into guys a little & maybe you'll find you're into them a lot. just find someone you're comfortable with and go for it.

[TomStatic]

Yeah i think maybe try explore with a guy your comfortable abit, maybe skype cam with them first could be a start , Good luck with ur exploration

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Sex is sex - regardless of who you participate in the act with.

I could tie you down, blind fold you and bring in a random individual to give you a blow job (or do it myself) and you will get off. Regardless of your sexual orientation, it would feel good and lead to orgasm.

What determines sexuality is not so much the sex aspect, but the other stuff like who you love, who you want to spend time with as a lover (not just in bed, but out of bed).

I'm not gay because I have sex with men, I am gay because I have relationships with men, I cuddle with men, I share my life with men, I see myself entering into a commited relationship which is much like marriage.

I have been in a long term relationship where there was no sex for over a decade - I still consider myself as being gay because I was in a relationship with a man (sexless as it was it was still a relationship).

It is this other stuff that determines one's sexual orientation.

If you think about that other stuff, having a life with a guy, wanting to hold on to a guy (not sexually, but lovingly) and this other stuff, then chances are you are gay. If you want to do that with either a man or a woman - then chances are you are bisexual. If all you can see yourself having all of this other relationship stuff with is women chances are you are straight.

Understand few people are 100% straight or 100% homosexual - they fit on a very broad area of 'bisexual'. most 'straight' people have a bent tendency, it may be a low tendency, meaning they are able to get off knowingly with a person of the same gender, or it may be the occasional homoerotic fantasy or dream. They still identify as straight because their other priorities in life (relationships) are decidedly with a person of the opposite gender.

[VileKyle]

So I grew a pair tonight and told my roommate. I'm not really comfortable telling anyone else yet, but at least it's a step out of the closet. It feels much better not holding everything in.